(Reaaaaaal Men of Genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. Delusional Michigan Fan (Mr. Delusional Michigan Faaaaaan!)

Season after season, year after year, you try to justify your absurdly high preseason ranking (clutching at straws!)

Season after season, year after year, you scramble to make futile attempts at damage control when the Wolverines lose to a grossly inferior opponent (How’d Appalachian State score Thirty Fouuuuur?)

Inevitably, you’ll bring up the past, boast of National Championships won 40 years before you were born (those were the daaaaaays!)

You will point out that you have more wins than any other program as though that is relevant to the current season (been playing since the 1870’s)

Go on, ignore that loss to Ohio State in the regular season finale and continue to believe that you’ll defeat your bowl opponent with striking ease (we’ll win by thirteeeeeey!)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Emperor of Excuses, and take comfort knowing that when you finish ranked number twenty, you’ll be back to number five when the preseason polls come out next year (Mr. Delusional Michigan Fan!)

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Spock Jenkins of the Vulcan Jenkins'.