Stephen is the obvious choice for President: no coherent platform, extensive corporate backing, nice suits and best of all he and I share a name (his first, my middle). I admit I have a minor quibble with one of his major talking points (I prefer Cool Ranch Doritos), but feel sure he could create the Party of the Big Bag, or maybe the Party Bag Party.

I'm also glad he didn't cave in to the pressure to spell his name 'Steven'; the digraph 'ph' has a noble history, even if it is pronounced 'f'. And like the acidity scale, his positions often seem to obey an inverse logarithmic relationship to hydrogen ion activity. At least in dilute solutions.

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