Quote:
Originally Posted by mugaliens
I used to have great neighbors, both upstairs and down.
Now, all their replacements do is fight, and both work swing shifts, so I hear it going until three am.
I called the cops, they're here, now, interrogating them.
What wold you have done?
Back to bed.
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Oh yea... I've got some great suggestions for you. I've had my fair share of ace hole neighbors, all of them were kicked out. I had some fun along the way, but the best and final answer is A) Call landlord and complain. B) Call police and complain. The reason for A is that B will ask, did you do A. A will say to do B. This covers both bases.
If your neighbor gets ticked and says anything to you about it, call the police and report what your neighbor said. When they ask you why you are reporting something so trivial, say because when the snot hits the fan you'll tell me I should have called and reported this. Cops hold a low rank in my hierarchy of humanity but they have a job, and that is to hold civilization together, so despite their arrogant attitudes, they are still your servants and must deal with any barbaric behavior.
Be persistent. Report everything to both the police and your landlord.
Now for the fun stuff. I had an ape living upstairs from me for a while. He had a girlfriend who had some kind of bug up her behind that was related to me and I never quite figured out what it was, but I think she's the type that dates apes because they're excited by bad boys being bad and she instigated problems to see him in action. I used to hear them fight about her flirting in bars, so she probably had some psychological need to see him behaving badly.
Anyway, he and she were making lots of reproductive noises at about 3am the first time I called the cops. I had been nice... a couple weeks earlier I had left a note where they could see it with ample warning about the noisy behaviors that bothered me and what the consequence of continuing would be. That sent him through the roof and he did nothing but make excessive noise every chance he got. I waited for the perfect opportunity and hit him where it counts (figuratively). The cops thought I was a tool for calling because my neighbor was making happy up there, but the cops opinion is not my concern.
Needless to say, I hit this guy at a real bad time. He was extremely ticked off about it. The next day he waited in his vehicle, and his girlfriend in hers, for me to leave for work. He said some nasty things to me, I just looked his way, said absolutely nothing as I continued walking to my car, and I just smiled from ear to ear. I drove straight to the police station and reported what happened. He made threatening remarks one more time, which I reported again, and after the cops talked to him that time, the problems ended.
The guys that lived up there before him were even worse, but they were idiots and it was easy to get them kicked out. It only took one visit from the police to shut them up, and my call to the landlord was a "one of us has to go" discussion. They lost... after all, I'm a respectable quiet guy who pays his bills.
Anyway... let's get to the real fun stuff. I have an old stereo system, 3 foot tall speakers with 12" woofers; the ideal weapon in the apartment dweller's psychological warfare arsenal! The first pair of guys that lived up there were treated to ear-splitting Iron Maiden, one song, repeated over and over again. I did this during the middle of the day when the people downstairs were at work. It was so loud I could hear them yelling to each other over the noise. I, of course, arranged the speakers so they pointed upward.
That was fun but also has the potential for bringing the cops to your own door, so it isn't necessarily recommended. An idea that struck upon me though was to connect my computer to my stereo system which allowed me to play anything I wanted at high power. I experimented with very low frequency sounds and found some combinations that made the building resonate. The only way I can describe it is to imagine standing next to a very large semi-truck that you can't see. I put one speaker toward the front of my place and the other in the back. I had both tracks out of phase so that as you walked around the sound changed due to interference. In some places it sounded like a truck, in others a helicopter. It was almost impossible to tell where the sound was coming from. It was nerve wracking and a bit eerie.
I also recorded strange tracks with multiple laughs from different women, mixed them up, added echo and other effects, then played that when I could tell there was woopee going upstairs. I felt certain that the sound of a woman laughing would have some kind of psychological affect on the guy even if he knew where it was coming from. I also played cow noises when his girlfriend was up there alone and stomping around. As I mentioned earlier, she did things to instigate problems and walking around with lead feet while he was not home was one of those things. So she was treated to sounds she was undoubtedly familiar with... those of her ancestors. I also treated her to several hours of a song from one of my daughter's CDs from when she was very young. Imagine "The wheels of the bus go round and round, round and round..." playing over and over and over again. For hours. It would have driven ME insane if I wasn't in total control of it. I knew that if I started to crack I could always hit the off switch.
So that's it in a nutshell... the size of a Dyson Sphere... I can only hope that these suggestions help and you have fun melting the minds of the animals you live among.