A platypus has been described as 'an animal designed by committee' for its seeming weirdness. In "The Last Continent" we can see this principle in action; as Ridicully and his wizards busybody themselves into another hilarious screw-up.

I couldn't help thinking about that for a bit at work today; and given the amount of cracked...er, I mean twisted...er, I mean creatively intelligent brainpower here, well... the possibility of going seriously Mustrum just took the breath away.

So let's design an animal.

By committee.

There are only three rules: First; you get to offer one design suggestion. One only. (One per post, that is....heh heh heh)
Second: Whatever your suggestion; there needs to be a reason for it. It doesn't have to be a particularly sane reason - we're talking about a committee after all; the basic subatomic particle of Bureaucratic Matter.
Third - you cannot directly disagree with any other poster's suggestions. Well - you can if you really want to - but in deference to the basic committee principle of respect - however undeserved - of all totally pointless, insane and logically-challenged comments; that disagreement had better be complete with rebuttals, counter-arguments, claims of 'studies', analyses, etc. Any disagreement not fully meeting the standards of Universal Bureaucratic Blather will be roundly shouted down by the committee.

Basically; we're talking Magratheans mixed with Golgafrinchans here; with a generous dollop of Vogon tossed into the mix.


Once we're done; I'll submit the finished plans to a friend of mine - a pencil and ink artist of superb talent - to draw for us. The results, I imagine will be...interesting.

Let's start.
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Gentleman, Ladies and Other Sentient and/Or Supernatural, Transdimensional or Otherwise Superintelligent Beings; this committee will come to order.

It is our task to provide [insert name of deity, Mystical Creator or Divine Intervenor of applicable party here] with a new creature to populate [name of world here]. As your Grand Committe Chairman and Overall Bigshot; I posit that there are several factors we must first consider before designing our creature.

Understand though before we start: we are designing a creature - one which will live and possibly (however unsavoury the idea sounds) evolve on this new world. We must therefore undertake this..er...undertaking with the greatest seriousness and attention to detail. This creature must be perfect in all ways; as perfect as we - surely the Greatest Minds of our generation/era/epoch/universe - can manage.

Now - to the factors. [Name of world] is a planet of varied ecosystems; with lush dark jungles, wide sweeping plains, vast mountains, deep oceans and trackless deserts.

Ahem - allow me to correct myself. The Deserts are 'Burning'. it's the tundra that's trackless, did I get that right?

Of course I did.

This creature must live in one of these environments; and thrive.

One thing I have noticed from reading this list though, is that [insert name of deity, Mystical Creator or Divine Intervenor of applicable party here] is singularly unimaginative in his/her/it's colour scheme. Green brown and blue? However you may wish to say 'shining emerald' or 'turquoise' or even 'warm sepia tones' it's still green, brown and blue.

Aesthetics must be considered in every venture. After all - if form truly follows function, will something attractive to look upon not by default be superbly designed?

Therefore, since contrast is one of the most visually striking of the artistic tools; we must offset the overall drab green, brown and blue. Whatever the finished form of the creature, I suggest it be red.

Let us begin the comments to the left of the table...