Sorry, didn't I say? I live in The Netherlands and my ancestors have lived here for at least 300 years, possibly forever.
"VanderL" is what a US guy (he was a visitor to the lab that I work) made of it, the people at my work picked it up, it's just to make an allusion to the Vander"whatevers" that seem to be successful in the States. "de" or "der" are both used in Dutch, the "r" gets added sometimes whenever a vowel follows, and sometimes it is used to make it sound different, like Vanderbilt which would probably have been van de Bilt (de Bilt is a town near Utrecht).
I've been to San Francisco a few times (great city), otherwise I'm happy here in Malden (close to Nijmegen, which is also a great city).

Anyway, the niceness can't really be regulated, but certain words should be avoided, I guess hearing something called wacky or utter nonsense, or even BS is never encouraging. But I'm old enough to decide for myself if the evidence is convincing or not, and if the discussion becomes unfriendly in my opnion, I will say so and hope it gets better, or I just stop posting to that thread or person.
Cheers.