She married Red Sox shortstop Nomar (NOMAHHHHHHH!) Garciaparra over the winter. Tough choice; do you stick with the laughable Hamm, or adopt some monstrosity like Mia Hamm-Garciaparra. Yeesh.

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"Is that a laser pointer? Well...that's fantastic! I mean...wow..that's just...GREAT!"
-Donald Rumsfeld before a Nov. 2001 speech
(His enthusiasm was muted, however, when he learned he could not guide a bomb with it.)