The particles dont need to stop, they dont need to lose their energy to create a black hole.

This actually ties in with the incorrect analogy you have. If you collect steam, you can convert it back to water by compressing it. You will need alot of pressure, but it can be done.

In a collapsing star, the force on any particle is gravitational and pressure, not just gravitational. The whole point of the mass limit of a neutron star is that when you are above the limit, the collapse of the core does have enough energy to push a large portion of the core inside its Schwarzschild radius. The fact that the particles in the core that are now inside the schwarzchild radius still have KE isnt relevant. Once they are inside the radius, all pathlines head into the singularity. Inside the event horizion, you cannot orbit the singularity, you cannot oscillate around it, all you can do is fall into it. All that happens is the KE is part of the mass of the black hole