But a most-unusual, KGB dwarf. As I reveal in my new book, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Hollow Moon ($49.95, Random Chance House, video available for $20 extra), the Soviets solved the Van Halen radiation belt problem by launching a lunar lander filled with rubles. Once on the Moon the money was used to purchase the services of Bryson the Moon Dwarf, who then acted out the role of Glorious Soviet Cosmonaut. This took care of radiation concerns, since the "cosmonaut" was already on the Moon.

Once this mission had been accomplished the Soviets, as they did with everything else, covered it up and basked in their unpublicized knowledge of having staged a real fake attempt to beat the US to the Moon, which they did, as seen from one perspective. Bryson retreated back inside the Moon once his job was done, and today lives in luxury while carefully monitoring the controls which keep the Moon from spinning (there is a crystalline rod extended from the Earth to the Moon which must be precisely controlled) and paying close attention to Russian money markets.

BTW, for his efforts, Bryson was made an honorary member of the KGB and is rumored to be a prime candidate to replace Putin or the conductor of the Moscow Opera.

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