Hmmm...let me try.

Pluto has disappeared from the sky! Astronomers in Colorado have confirmed that Pluto, the ninth planet from the sun has, indeed, disappeared. "We have no idea how this sort of thing could've happened," stated one astronomer who wishes to remain anonymous. "But, we are almost certain that for an object to have enough gravitational force to literally eject Pluto from its orbit, it must be substantially large."

The discovery was made when the astronomers first intended to do a search of the night sky around where IRAS found a "mysterious object" back in 1983. "NASA claims all they found was a few galaxies or something of the sort, but we do not buy that. We believe they discovered something spectacular and are trying to keep it under wraps. We believe it may be Planet X."

Planet X, or 'Nibiru' as it is exotically known to some, is a theory proposed by a man named Zecharia Sitchin, who bases his findings on ancient Sumerian texts. A popular website that is run by a Ms. Nancy Leider, http://www.zetatalk.com , informs people about the imminent passing of this object.

"I myself have seen zetatalk, and I believe its science is top-notch.", the same scientist stated. "They are able to tackle subjects that my fellow scientists and myself would not even dare touching. She (Nancy Leider) is quite educated in astronomy. Whoever these "Zetas" are, they must be super-intelligent beings. They are educated in areas of physics that we do not know anything about whatsoever. I intend to learn more about them (the Zetas)."

However, not all scientists buy the theory of Planet X, and the theory that it has thrown Pluto out of its orbit. One renounded scientist, a Mr. Philip Plait who currently runs a popular website called http://www.badastronomy.com , believes it is nothing more than a can of Who-Hash. "It's pure bunk," Mr. Plait exclaims. "If there were a Planet X, and it really HAD thrown Pluto out of its orbit, it would be quite noticeable to anyone who has any knowledge of astronomy. However, I myself went out earlier tonight, looked up into the sky, and found it (Pluto). Amazingly, I didn't find a Planet X, either. So I do not buy this one bit."

Rival scientists vehemonly disagree with Mr. Plait. "He's a disinfo agent!", suggested the scientist who wished to remain anonymous. "Pluto and its moon Charon are missing, and we believe Planet X is the cause for it! We also believe that, based on our own calculations, Planet X has thrown Pluto RIGHT AT US! There is nothing we can do except hope and pray. But do NOT believe what Mr. Plait says, believe ZetaTalk! Believe Nancy!"

Mr. Plait was not available for comment. He had a sign posted on his desk, saying "Out To Lunch".