its kind of sad that you choose to quote you wifes example of it being metal cast from some piece of driftwood burned in a fire.
thats like saying on a science forum:
i think mars is made out of custard, cause my wife looked at it through the telescope and she said it reminds her of the custard she ate for lunch.
Oh but then you get serious....thankfully.
If this object really is just a piece of junk then I would like to know too, but the attempts at humor here seem to be less interesting then the object which seems to be getting a very unconvincing rejection here.