The Irresistible Pun Thread

[Nicolas]

As you might have noticed or experienced yourself, BABBers seem to have an irresistible drive to use puns in their messages. Weak or good puns doesn't matter, as long as they can sneak one in. Therefore, i decided to start the Irresistible Pun Thread.

This thread gives you a platform to post your puns, woithout having to make up a "serious" post around them just to get them on the board :D.

I suggest you just put the pun in a short story or as a riddle (you don't even have to give the answer immediately yourself; could be a good game!). If you spotted a pun worth noting in another thread, you can link here.

Inspirated by the word association thread, I'll start:

New Meccano® lets you create nature's most spectacular creatures! there is a Meccano® Boa Constructor® for $12 already! Out now!

(just to make it clear: it don't HAVE to be weak puns :roll: )

[Russ]

I think the PUNishment will be to much to bear. :roll:

[Nicolas]

I happun to be easy on such things. 8-[

[Nicolas]

puns on the loose (http://www.badastronomy.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?p=451750&#451750)

Get that thread back on topic :).

[Nicolas]

The irresistible nun thread :oops:

[Frog march]

[bad pun deleted]

[Nicolas]

=D>

(thinks of a comment with a pun...)

[Fram]

A punchline would be more than enough, Nicolas (and =D> for your kilopi!)

[Nicolas]

Who will be the first to reach kilopun? (the horror :D )

[mickal555]

This is so (f)punny

[Nicolas]

My little puny

[Sam5]

Vorsicht! Dis thread should be locked before it gets any verse!

[Nicolas]

I don't get it. Can you punt me to the joke? 8-[
(I really don't get it).

[Sam5]

Puns aren’t funny if they have to be explained.

[Nicolas]

Puns aren’t funny if they have to be explained.

Mine aren't funny anyway. Explain! :lol:

EDIT I just got it! With shouting "explain" I switched to the German accent and got "verse" :)

[Sam5]

Puns aren’t funny if they have to be explained.

Mine aren't funny anyway. Explain! :lol:

EDIT I just got it! With shouting "explain" I switched to the German accent and got "verse" :)


Right! Verse/Worse! “Verse” meaning both poetry and “worse”, with the German accent.

Very good!

[Nicolas]

thank you!

I'm going to leave you for some hours. Think of me, I'll need it for my exam...

[paulie jay]

I never take the needle when I go to the dentist - I prefer to transcend dental medication...




...thankyou ladies and germs!

[Sam5]

LOL!

(Stay down under, please.)

[George]

I never take the needle when I go to the dentist - I prefer to transcend dental medication...
I've always liked that one even though it is a little long in the tooth.

[mickal555]

EDIT I just got it! With shouting "explain" I switched to the German accent and got "verse" Does anyone shout while they type- in a german accent-

[Meteora]

I never take the needle when I go to the dentist - I prefer to transcend dental medication...
I've always liked that one even though it is a little long in the tooth.

:o

That one kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. :P

[Ducking and running very fast for cover.] :D

[mickal555]

No need to duck in this thread :D

[Celestial Mechanic]

I've been wanting to put this one out in response to Parrothead's humorous post on the origin of the Estonian language over in the Most difficult languages to learn thread, but I didn't want to derail that thread, so here it is:
Estonia when you're tryin' to be so good,
Estonia just like you knew they would.
Estonia when you're drivin' in your car,
Estonia when you're playin' your guitar.
Oh, but I would not feel so all alone,
Everyone must go to Estonia!

[Celestial Mechanic ducks and runs for cover, fearful that a hard rain's a gonna fall...]
:lol:

[paulie jay]

Which actor was named after African wildlife?


Rhino Neil



:-#

[Enzp]

I know a guy whose dad was Black and his mom was Japanese, and every Decmber 7th he attacks Pearl Bailey.


Zat count?

[Jpax2003]

It's about that time of year again for the orange signs and cones to pop up on Chicago streets announcing Road Constriction Ahead.

[Frog march]

Here's an irresistible bun....

http://www.ukstudentlife.com/Travel/Tours/England/Cambridge/ChelseaBun.jpg

[Fram]

Placebo is fond of David Bowie, Oasis are great admireres of the Beatles, but Michael Jackson prefers Boyz II Men...

[Nicolas]

He's also a big fan of NKOTB :D

[Candy]

Placebo is fond of David Bowie, Oasis are great admireres of the Beatles, but Michael Jackson prefers Boyz II Men... =D>

[George]

Estonia when you're tryin' to be so good,
Estonia just like you knew they would.
Estonia when you're drivin' in your car,
Estonia when you're playin' your guitar.
Oh, but I would not feel so all alone,
Everyone must go to Estonia!

[Celestial Mechanic ducks and runs for cover, fearful that a hard rain's a gonna fall...]
:lol:
Hey, that rocks! :)

[Sigma_Orionis]

Yikes! English is such a Pun-y Language! :lol:

[Runs to the nearest nuclear shelter just in case!]

[Nicolas]

You won't be safe in your shelter.

We've got punker busters. High energy weapuns.
We'll puncture you punker like it's a balloon!

[Sigma_Orionis]

ROFL!

[George]

ROFL!
I don't think you have puntificated your punishment. :)

[Nicolas]

have they chosen a new puntiff yet?

[Sigma_Orionis]

Stop Puntifficating PLEAZE! :lol:

[Candy]

Where's Archie Bunker when you need hymn? 8-[

[Nicolas]

Archie Punker?Haven't seen hymn in a while. I hope he comes back in one piece.

[Candy]

I love ewe, Nicolas. :lol:

[Nicolas]

isle of Ewe? Is that a Channel island?

(my last name is "mouton" by the way, so you just said something you might not have intended. :D)

[teddyv]

Man, do I feel sheepish.

[Evan]

I happen to like puns and other general wordplay. Maybe that is why I built my summer cabin at Puntzi Lake.

My favorite though is Spoonerisms, named after Reverend Spooner. He was famous for transposing the first syllable of a pair of words inadvertantly. Probably his most famous spoonerism was when he was toasting the Queen of England at a university. He said " Three cheers for our queer old dean...", an embarassing tip of the slung.

[Candy]

Climb a Mouton, and reach for the skies! :P

[Nicolas]

ok there is a rule #6:

"no puns concerning sheep shall be made in my vicinity"

[Jpax2003]

isle of Ewe? Is that a Channel island?

(my last name is "mouton" by the way, so you just said something you might not have intended. :D)She managed that by Shear luck.

[Nicolas]

You should have stressed "shear". (mechanics pun, never mind)

(there isn't an "isle of ewe" is there? would be cool. Maybe we should rename New Zealand)

[Normandy6644]

You should have stressed "shear". (mechanics pun, never mind)


Do you get tensor when people miss those?

[Nicolas]

It winds me up.
I feel severe stress.
A lot of tension.
I'm forced to do something about it.
Wait a moment.
I've got to give you some slack.
I won't restrain you in saying your opinion.
Works out right, doesn't it?

[Candy]

The Smiths (http://www.davemcnally.com/lyrics/TheSmiths/HOWSOONISNOW.asp)
I am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and the heir
of nothing in particular
Back in the 80's, I thought they were referring to the Sun and Air. :oops:

[George]

My favorite though is Spoonerisms, named after Reverend Spooner. He was famous for transposing the first syllable of a pair of words inadvertantly. Probably his most famous spoonerism was when he was toasting the Queen of England at a university. He said " Three cheers for our queer old dean...", an embarassing tip of the slung.

So that's what they're called. I have a friend who is fluid in these sayings. After saying something highly inteligent to him, I nearly had a wreck when he hit me with...."You're a pretty fart smeller"!

[Russ]

I happen to like puns and other general wordplay. Maybe that is why I built my summer cabin at Puntzi Lake.

My favorite though is Spoonerisms, named after Reverend Spooner. He was famous for transposing the first syllable of a pair of words inadvertantly. Probably his most famous spoonerism was when he was toasting the Queen of England at a university. He said " Three cheers for our queer old dean...", an embarassing tip of the slung.

I thought his most famous spoonerism was:

"Marden me padam, but you are occupewing the wrong pi. May I so you to a new sheet?"

Growing up in my family the "Marden me Padam." phrase was so ubiquitus that we literally never said pardon me or excuse me. It was always marden me padam.

[Sigma_Orionis]

You should have stressed "shear". (mechanics pun, never mind)


Do you get tensor when people miss those?

I wonder what Tensor might have to say about this :lol:

[NZborngal]

Roam in Rome as the Romans rome. 8-[
Don't ask an Ancient Roman about Aphrodite: it's all greek to them! :) 8-[

[paulie jay]

Greek soldiers were always fetta than the Roman ones.
(must say aloud with NZ accent to get full enjoyment out of this one...)

[Celestial Mechanic]

My favorite Spoonerism is:
I saw you fight a liar in the quad last night. You've tasted the whole worm!
It is believed that while Rev. Spooner had the problem attributed to him, the funnier the quote attributed to him the less likely it is that he actually said it. But that's never stopped anybody before! :D

[Meteora]

You should have stressed "shear".

Around Christmas time, I sometimes ask friends or coworkers (who haven't already heard this) what one supercell thunderstorm said to the other.

"Be of good shear."

Okay, I guess that one's a bit unstable.

(I'm guessing that nearly everyone who reads this and does not live in the southern Great Plains of the USA probably has no idea what I'm talking about.)

[Normandy6644]

You should have stressed "shear". (mechanics pun, never mind)


Do you get tensor when people miss those?

I wonder what Tensor might have to say about this :lol:

Hopefully he won't be skewed!

[Nicolas]

Somebody summoned the Irresistible Pun Thread.

For months it was left slumbering alone, And what shouldn't be forgotten has been forgotten. But patiently it waited in the dark to be found. And now it has found a new Master.



Here's the precious thread, Fram.

[Fram]

Allright, all you pundits, come and give it a go!

[Nicolas]

When reading the thread title "NASA is stupid" I couldn't help thinking "NASA's return to the loon" :D

[Gruesome]

Confucious say "Man who stick face in punch bowl, get punch in nose"

Two fer the price of one.

[phonicboom]

I have just thread enough unpunny funs to last a wifetime.

[Nicolas]

punicboom

[Candy]

punicolas

[Fram]

Ah, the pamous Italian classic, Punicoli Punicola!

I do believe this thread was also intended for puns without a variation of the word "pun" in them...

[Candy]

I would like to FRAMe the artwork in my condo.

[Fram]

Well, I'm a candydate to help you out!

[Candy]

I constantly ToSeek for such help. Thank you.

[Nicolas]

Don't panicolaspects of the framing will be taken care of by me!

[Candy]

My BAd!

[mahesh]

i have no monet to buy your fram e, Candy

[Candy]

Excuse me, there is a mad head shink on the forum!

[mahesh]

Aaww, Candy, you touched my punny bone!

Happy Halloween / Samhain!

[Nicolas]

Wow there's this new google tool where everyone can put his own pun on the map!! What? "pin"?

oh :shifty:

[Candy]

^^^

pin head - I mean pun head!

[Enzp]

Show me the Monet.

[Samara]

Show me the Monet.

In the spirit of such...

A priceless work of art was on display at a museum. A thief, upon hearing this news, immeadiatly began planning to steal it. He was very meticulous about his planning - finding museum blueprints, buying equipment at various locations so it couldn't be tracked, etc. Finally, he sets his plan into operation, and it goes off without a hitch. However, as he is driving away, a police car spots him and gives chase. As he is continuing down the road, he realizes a fatal flaw - his tank is empty. He manages to lose the police and pulls into a gas station to pick up some gas. However, by this time an APB has been sent out on his van. Several hours later, the police find him, still at the gas station. When asked what was taking him, he replied "I did not have the Monet to buy Degas to make the van Gogh."

[phonicboom]

^ excelent :)

but was he framed?

with all those nudes, he never could have done a cover-up.

he didnt hear the police coming because he sliped and his van chopped his ear gogh.

[Nicolas]

I need more details on the story. The picture is incomplete.

[Nicolas]

A quoted play on words from a long lost thread titled "do you double space at the end of a sentence", older than this pun thread:

Do you double space at the end of a sentence
As far as I knew, scientist think that the universe is expanding quite slowly. So obviously, it can't be possible that everyone would be doubling space after each and every sentence. I mean, the universe would have gotten 8 times as big after this post alone. C'mon that's just plain impossible! Here goes 16! 32! Phew that one didn't have a verb so it isn't a full sentence. Dam this was one, thats 64! 128!



A result of this theory would be the fact that every sentence would take up the size of the universe until the start of that sentence (which is in fact the most precise guess of the universe's size I've ever heard, you can measure it to the millimeter!). Do not underestimate the power of the Written Word...

[Enzp]

There was a strange melting animal at the art gallery. I found out it was the Dali llama.

[mahesh]

and Dalai Mamma had nothing to do with it

[Nicolas]

No, but when she fell in love, it really was an orange crush.

[isferno]

sounds juicy

[Enzp]

I love juicy.

[Enzp]

Hey

I saw a history show recently about the American west. It featured a native American family. In the tepee were three women with their children. One sat on a deerskin with her new baby. The baby weighed 5 pounds. She was very proud of him. The second mother sat on a bear skin with her baby. He weighed 6 pounds, and she loved him dearly ( I shoulda said deerly, but I want to avoid nesting my puns). But the third woman sat on a very large tough skin from a large river animal, and she had a very big baby, it weighed 11 pounds.

Apparently, the sons of the squaws on the two hides equalled the son of the squaw on the hippopotamus.

[mahesh]

..so astutely observed by python-go-ras

[Enzp]

Well, of course, he always had an angle.

We were all concerned when he was bitten by a thnake.

( I assume we all see this coming...)

But he applied his theorum and was fine.

Gee thath thilly.

[mahesh]

then he thays..the thong is over, but the malady lingers...

[Nicolas]

There was a strange melting animal at the art gallery. I found out it was the Dali llama.

(wipes off the dust)

No kidding, but there actually is a music recording plugin effect called the "delay lama (http://www.sonicspot.com/delay-lama/delay-lama.jpg)" :hand:

[Donnie B.]

I've always liked the Asimov short-short story that ends: "A niche in time saves Stein."

[LurchGS]

When Dr Asimov showed up in the emergency room, the admitting nurse asked him why he was there.. he replied "Isaac"

Ok, it's a stretch, but it didn't break

[HenrikOlsen]

Shouldn't this be in Pun and Games?

[Nicolas]

When this thread was started, it was Babbling all the way down. Fun & Games is a more recent addi(c)tion to the board.

[SMEaton]

Being a Spider Robinson fan, I bel-lode and karst when this thread got locked. Talus, with whom does the fault lye?

[Maksutov]

Metallurgically speaking, to coin a phase, this thread rocks!

[Nicolas]

SMEaton,

On a sidenote, perhaps only a sidequarternote, do the capitals in your user name refer to the Scale Model Equipment Company, producer of precision turntable tonearms?

[Maksutov]

Whoa, tonearms!

Where's the anti-skating?

The essence of ultra-high-fidelity, until a dust bunny arrives and fouls the stylus.

Turntables!

Wow!

(and flutter...)

[Nicolas]

The anti-skating is on the other side of the tonearm. Dust bunnies are stopped by the damper brush on the front of the cartridge. It's a tonearm with very pronounced opinions: it comes with a pro-tractor and anti-skating. No middle of the road for that one, it only cares about the groove. Very uplifting as well, at least when you turn the lever.

It's a nice thing. But I'll skip the rest of the explanation. Suffice to say I ejected the CD player into the jitter box [correction bits] litter box. It was so negative, it only cared about anti-aliasing.

See you laser!

;)

For the record: I still have and regularly use my CD player.

[Roy Batty]

I think this whole thread is rather CD ...Mmmm, seedy rom :)

[SMEaton]

SMEaton,
On a sidenote, perhaps only a sidequarternote, do the capitals in your user name refer to the Scale Model Equipment Company, producer of precision turntable tonearms?Nicolas, Please! I would think this (http://www.smenet.org) is punnier, given my previous post (serendipitous, even!). :D

Hmm... the other day I walked by a guy and gal having an argument, all in sign language. The woman aburptly got up and stalked off. Apparently she didn't like his tone-of-arm.

[Maksutov]

Gotta hand it to you since it signs like you put your finger on it! What a fickle guy!

But that's fate.

[Noclevername]

I guess he should have read the manual before getting the thumbs-up. He probably felt pretty disjointed, or at least a little dislocated.

[Nicolas]

Nicolas, Please! I would think this (http://www.smenet.org) is punnier, given my previous post (serendipitous, even!). :D

I'm sorry, I'd never heard of that SME so I couldn't make a pun with that one (actually it was a serious question but anyway :)) as I was raised up with the good advice not to make funs of things that I didn't know about. When I was very young, about 4 years old, my mother told me not to laugh at things I'd never heard of. She said that would make me look ignorant. I found "ignorant" a very funny word.

But you're right that refering to a mining company goes far deeper than refering a tonearm, which remains very superficial. Very good you went to the bottom of this. In contrary, I merely scratched the surface of this SME thing.

[SMEaton]

Groovy... I wasn't sure if you were serious or just giving it a spin.
After checking out the website (http://www.sme.ltd.uk/) for SME tonearms, I'm wondering if they've ever considered manufacturing precision telescope clock drives? I mean, does their company revolve around turntable equipment?

[Peter Wilson]

I'm wondering if they've ever considered manufacturing precision telescope clock drives?
It's a cache flow problem.

[mr obvious]

It's a cache flow problem.

Then they can hire some astrologers to help. I hear they are now part of a non-prophet organization. [not mine]

[Noclevername]

Hey, they see the future in the stars, that's a Sirius business.

[LurchGS]

We'll never get to the stars unless we develop a warp, orion, drive to a high degree. But.. this thread is experiencing con-fusion.

who here remembers those demolition derby cars - that would snap together, then explode when run into a solid object. I always wondered why they weren't modeled after the Nova...

[Noclevername]

We'll never get to the stars unless we develop a warp, orion, drive to a high degree. But.. this thread is experiencing con-fusion.


Boy, building an Orion would be a blast! Man, a starship like that would be the Bomb, plus if we sent out a colony then we wouldn't have to die, son.

[LurchGS]

ouch!

of course, we never will build one.. sphere of all those nuclear bombs in space, you know. Ring me, though, when somebody developes a Brussard ramjet.

[Maksutov]

[edit]die, son.It seems that should be well within your sphere.

[Whirlpool]

very punny....

[Noclevername]

It seems that should be well within your sphere.

Aaah! Puns like that make me retreat back into my shell. And there's a swarm of them on this thread.

[Roy Batty]

Aaah! Puns like that make me retreat back into my shell. And there's a swarm of them on this thread.
It's swarming, global swarming I tell you!

[mr obvious]

Too bad the typical swarming critters couldn't bee here.

[davidlpf]

It seems this thread is a gas.

[LurchGS]

this is a honey of a thread. Some of the yarns are clearly fabrication, but others weave a tremendous tale with twists that are never expected.

[Noclevername]

this is a honey of a thread.


Sure makes me wax philisophical about the flowery language used here, although a few of the verbal stings give me the hives. But we'll be rolling in clover when it's time to dance! :dance:

[Roy Batty]

Sure makes me wax philisophical about the flowery language used here, although a few of the verbal stings give me the hives. But we'll be rolling in clover when it's time to dance! :dance:
I'm just combing the threads & bumbling along here...

[Trebuchet]

I wonder if there's a geology board somewhere that's gotten loaded with astronomy puns!

[Eric Vaxxine]

100% homemade,wholemeal, gluten free play on words .... pun.

The wicket keeper didn't bat an eye overall.

(Punish me if you must).

[Noclevername]

The wicket keeper didn't bat an eye overall.

Good, it sounds painful.

[mr obvious]

Would you characterize the response to that wicket pun as "crickets chirping?" If so, don't let it bug you.

[Eric Vaxxine]

I'm turning left right now.

[edward2007]

stand-up comic: purpundicular humour.

[Eric Vaxxine]

A Quote from Martin Brundle, ex F1 racer now commentating on F1 TV ...

' He's so bad... he couldn't drive sheep ...'

[Noclevername]

' He's so bad... he couldn't drive sheep ...'

Well, they are pretty hard to steer...

[matthewota]

I always had a feeling that the World Ceres would be shaped like a baseball...

[Eric Vaxxine]

Perforation is a rip off.

[Noclevername]

I always had a feeling that the World Ceres would be shaped like a baseball...

I think that's way off base. It just drives me batty, and makes me want to go home.

[Roy Batty]

I think that's way off base. It just drives me batty, and makes me want to go home.

Somebody mentioned my name? Maybe I should Runner away....

[Casus_belli]

Dont you people know that you should never play with a loaded pun? It could go off.

Blame Terry Pratchet for that one

[Noclevername]

Dont you people know that you should never play with a loaded pun? It could go off.

Blame Terry Pratchet for that one

Why, did he load it?

[Casus_belli]

Absinthe makes the heart go fonder.....


...it also gives you a doozy of a hangover. Oh jings, crivens and help ma boab.:doh:

[Eric Vaxxine]

My optician friend Len's having trouble with his 16 yr old daughter.
She keeps making a spectacle of herself.

[Noclevername]

My optician friend Len's having trouble with his 16 yr old daughter.
She keeps making a spectacle of herself.

Tell him to stay focused. It's easy to get caught up in the daily grind, he needs to keep a close eye on her or this problem will be magnified. Remember, kids have a glare filter for dealing with parents, so don't try to give her the old fish-eye.

[Roy Batty]

Just contact Len's daughter & tell her not to be so short sighted. You don't want such a microscopic problem to telescope out of control! (though she'll probably have a blind spot so best say it to her ret in her face, try and make her your pupil).

Wow, these iPuns just keep getting cornea don't they? :)

[brianok]

Have you heard about the latest craze?

Corduroy pillows!

They're making headlines everywere.

[Noclevername]

I don't cotton to cloth puns, they try to pull the wool over your eyes by making a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Sew try to be chintzy with them.

[George]

Agreed, though logically, one would think pillow puns are bedder puns.

[mr obvious]

I think you need to give it a rest. Besides, headlines are the first thing one faces every day. Lastly, getting the best pillow quickly puts you ahead of everything else.

[Eric Vaxxine]

Wow, these iPuns just keep getting cornea don't they? :)

Ha haaaa... I like that one.

m'eye suggestion is ... you should put a lid on it or face
a lashing!

[mahesh]

...et ogonblik............don't let the gift horse in the house....

[Peter Wilson]

Jest one deer in, is any body paying a tension to the gram her 'round hear?

[mr obvious]

I rarely pay attention. But when I do, I use cash.

[Noclevername]

I rarely pay attention. But when I do, I use cash.

What? Oh, sorry, I should've stopped at the bank on the way home.
I have a bad actor in my wallet, he's No DeNiro.

[Eric Vaxxine]

Jest one deer in, is any body paying a tension to the gram her 'round hear?

Ha haaa

I type, their four I arm.

[mahesh]

what's the matter grammar? dit some one cast a bad 'spell' over you?
how dit you get such clause? oh, the pun-dit!

[toejam]

But it's only a wool vest.

[mugaliens]

So who's knotting the fabric of our society?

[Noclevername]

Surely knot! That would warp our whole society, whether weft or wight. Just weave well enough alone.

[Eric Vaxxine]

...when I cotton on to why you're all milling about on this
thread, I'll jacket in!

[Noclevername]

Well, with that threat looming over me, let me frame it another way; on this thread, no one should twist their lines to spin an idea. I'm just giving my own cotton-pickin' opinion, so please don't make such a blanket accusation. I'll tie to be good!

[Eric Vaxxine]

I'm knot accusing you, sleeve me alone.

Why Duvet always take it so personally?

[C18H27NO3]

Oh, I'll just dye if you make any more blanket statements like that again.

[mahesh]

all this goose down very well
tickle me with a feather

[Eric Vaxxine]

My dog pants.

[mahesh]

my butter flies

[toejam]

my sausage rolls

[mahesh]

my horse flies

[Peter Wilson]

My cat fish dogs dragon flies.

[Eric Vaxxine]

I bet you won't believe me when I tell you
I'm not a gambling man!

[Peter Wilson]

I believe oxymorons belong in their own thread...but I'm not a bedding man.

[mr obvious]

If you're not a bedding man, I'd suggest you give it a rest.

[Eric Vaxxine]

A sleep over in Napoli appeals to most insomniacs.

[mahesh]

Neapolitans inspired the Leaning Tower of Pizza!

[toejam]

It'a was a pizz'a cake'a!

[Eric Vaxxine]

I'm pasta caring about this puny thread.
Pisa base your replies on faster delivery, less cheese.

[mahesh]

It's a fast buck, that makes the dough!

[Eric Vaxxine]

That's a thin base you're judging life by.

(I enabled my mail, mahesh)

[mahesh]

thanks Vaxxine

[Eric Vaxxine]

Mr and Mrs Widges had a son.
They named him Sam.

Sam Widges

[mahesh]

He was a ham

Sam Widges

[mr obvious]

Then they donated to a local millionaire's club. In response, it was named Club Sam Widges. This was bacon to be said, of course.

[mahesh]

good lard!

[toejam]

with flour in a buttercup.

[Roy Batty]

Bacon to the breakfast jokes now? Eggsactly what I was afraid of, It's bean fried before and no one likes a load of hashed together puns sausaged together. I think we have mushroom to expand in & I'll toast anyone that tries, as long as it's not too saucy - please try to ketchup. This has been posted by a full English person.
Btw please don't flag this as Spam Spam Spam...!

[toejam]

Roy's post was a berry heavy tail, toad-in-a-hole new weigh, May King it berry heart to fall low & not land flat as a pancake.

[Eric Vaxxine]

No one preserves food as well as Martin can.

[Noclevername]

I don't cereal reasons for this topic, unless you just want to scramble things up, but if we run out of ideas it'll be over easy. If you want to talk aboatmeals, why not lunch, or supper? There's no need to sandwich those two together, unless your looking to be the subject of a roast. So, to quote the famous french toast, "se la vie"! (which means "drink the wine", I believe.)

Omlette you go now, okay?

[Eric Vaxxine]

That's food for thought!

I'm herring you quite clearly, and hope to meat salmon like yourself
one day, maybe you could tuna my guitars?

[toejam]

Oboe!! Why don't you bass your comb mints on some other in strew meant. Don't fiddle about. Drink a flute of sham pain and go & have some sax or phone someone. Cast a net widely, don't form any love triangles, to use an old cymbal.

[Eric Vaxxine]

I'm very highly strung, but feeling solo at the moment.
I'm not looking for symphony, don't fret.
I'd drum up some new eye dears if I chord.

[mr obvious]

Your issues are noted. Staying calm is key to returning to sound mind. Use natural products; those don't have sharp packaging and won't taste flat.

[Eric Vaxxine]

A major change is needed.

[mahesh]

Major Change is otherwise engaged...can't help. You'll have ask General Consensus to assist....

[toejam]

They can order Corporal Punishment and Lewd tenant Panting to do the job.

[Eric Vaxxine]

Not forgetting Field Marshall Amplifier.

[toejam]

Amply fired up to do his duty.

[Peter Wilson]

Marely fired up his dooty.

[bluebanana]

Confucious says:
Man who stnd on toilet, high on pot

[mahesh]

General Waste Disposal has got everything thing covered, good show!

[toejam]

In fact, General Waste Disposal said, "Good show, sir! You knew that a dry waller was not a teetotal Hindu! Eh what!!"

[KaiYeves]

"You don't have to support space exploration."
Pause.
"You can stay behind."

[Eric Vaxxine]

I am so glad I don't live near Uranus.

[KaiYeves]

Now that joke is just henus.

[Eric Vaxxine]

My sun said it in light humour.

[KaiYeves]

You should run solar panels off your sun's humour, as you can run cars off ethnol made from my corny jokes.
The Environmental Punster,
Kai

[Eric Vaxxine]

Oil remember that.

[KaiYeves]

Oh, dear, a pun war.
Well, somebody's going to get punnished.

[toejam]

Not if you remember that a punkah wallah is not a Hindu rocker, if you don't you may go off your rocker.

[KaiYeves]

I can't believe that Eric thought I was going Dubai his oil joke.

[Eric Vaxxine]

It was fuelish of me to think you would.
I will try to engineer a new approach.

[Eric Vaxxine]

I can't believe that Eric thought I was going Dubai his oil joke.

That was a good one!

[KaiYeves]

Yup, it was GOLDEN.

[Eric Vaxxine]

My girlfriend recently bought some shampoo for oily hair.
Why would anyone want oily hair?

[KaiYeves]

During the Civil War, everything in the South was Gray-t!

[KaiYeves]

Yeah, that last pun did stink. Here's a better one:
Ansari that we have to wait until 2008 for Virgin Galactic flights to begin.

[Eric Vaxxine]

Some men believe that 'Flying is for the birds'.

As a free male, I disagree.

[KaiYeves]

A pun that can make birds sick is ill eagle.

[toejam]

Oh dear me,Kai!! Dear, dear,dear!! A tail of four stags.

[Eric Vaxxine]

Kai's winging it folks. But lets not get in a flap over it.

[KaiYeves]

Dava Sobel is a great writer. She's got Longitude and attitude.

[mr obvious]

You might say she's got wide latitude in getting it write?

[KaiYeves]

Yeah, and, when it comes to flying, Burt Rutan has got it Wright!

[Eric Vaxxine]

I bet Burt has a few tails to tell!

[mahesh]

Tell, Willam, Tell!

[KaiYeves]

He named his company Desert Turtle Productions on tortoise.

[mahesh]

what was the porpoise?

[KaiYeves]

To shoot a pilot.
(Now we're on whale jokes)

[toejam]

So egg spec some right blue tails.

[KaiYeves]

BAUT is not a place for yellow-bellies.

[mahesh]

'school' was good today........burp!

[toejam]

Saw two that were as like each other as peas, in a pod.

[Eric Vaxxine]

My PC has frozen, peas help.

[KaiYeves]

I know this kid who showed his Biology textbook to the cops when they asked for ID...

[mike alexander]

Knew a guy with a leaky dinghy. I told him, "As you row, so shall you seep."


There was the drunk at the football game who offered me a shot of whiskey as he told me, "Every fan has his malts."


The sausage was found guilty and sentenced to five years: a term for the wurst.

[KaiYeves]

Monsters don't eat clowns as they taste funny.

[mahesh]

Chiropodists love corn flakes

[KaiYeves]

One must admit that SpaceShipOne was very fly.

[Eric Vaxxine]

A fly without wings must surely be considered a walk.

[KaiYeves]

Teacher: "Why do you always sit near the window?"
Me: "My mom is up on ISS and she likes when I wave to her."

[Eric Vaxxine]

If we had strawberries, we could have strawberries and cream if we had cream.

[KaiYeves]

Despite the name, bouncers are not bouncy, and if you jump on one...

[Eric Vaxxine]

When have you even seen a cake made in a pan?!

[KaiYeves]

Teacher "Why do you have that stain on your shirt?"
Me "The sheep they made it from had a tattoo."

[Eric Vaxxine]

What do people see in blind love?

[KaiYeves]

"Let me see the ugly flower- I like to look at ugly things."
"Well, you must love my face, then."

[toejam]

When asked if I wanted some desert at a friend's house I said:"No thanks, I don't like sweet things, that's why I married my wife". (Talk about trouble over that). :)

[KaiYeves]

"Your wife is a knockout and you look like a monkey. Why the heck did she marry you?"
"We complete one another."

[Eric Vaxxine]

'What is in the middle of a girls legs?'
Her knees, of course.

[mahesh]

I suspect we are on a sticky wicket....last few posts.....shall we, maybe, perhaps, bat carefully here, already , that the mods don't have to make unjust umpiring decisions, guys!!!

[Eric Vaxxine]

We've pushed the boundaries without umpirical
disqualification thus far!

Just run with it Mahesh!

[KaiYeves]

Yup, it looks like sudden death after that foul play. However, we can come back and make it on the podium with some jokes worthy of an Olympic gold medal.

[mahesh]

Looook! Vaulting Matilda!

[KaiYeves]

A garbage truck has four weels and flies.

[toejam]

Is a cow not a cow when it's turned into a field? Is a door not a door when it's ajar?