Modern Physics Limmericks

[Andromeda321]

The modern physics class at my university is hosting a limmerick contest, and they invited people to submit their own attempts. I like the ones I've thought up so far, and thought some of you might enjoy reading them... unfortunately I was informed that as of right now I can't actually win, as I took the class last year. :mad: Not very fair since they invited everyone to submit/ there wasn't one last year that I could enter anyway (and a few other reasons), but the prof in charge of the class liked mine enough so that the rules may still be bent. We'll see... :)

The job of a quantum mechanic
Is one that is truly satanic-
He's forever maligned
By the things he can't find
Which always drives him into panic!

~~~~~

There's a poor little kitty, they say,
Who in his box may have passed away!
We don't know if he's died
Until we look inside
So that moment we shall now delay...

~~~~~

Tanmay says things make more sense
If monopoles existed; hence
Though one of their kind
We have yet to find
On this issue I'll stay on the fence.

~~~~~

The Quantum Sea

While sailing through the quantum sea
Nothing comes quite naturally,
For when things become small
The task is quite tall
To make predictions easily.

When you set out from your home port
You'll find waves which, I must report,
Aren't defined in space
But are all over the place
Making their nature a curious sort.

You yourself, should you go there,
When gauging your speed, be aware
You won't know your position
And with this condition
You could be anywhere!

If at these warnings you don't pale
Then unfurl the jib and raise your sail-
Have a great adventure
And good luck on your venture
And I'm certain that you shall prevail!

[Maksutov]

Good ones!

Poor kitty...don't look!

Here's a famous one:

Miss Farad was pretty and sensual
And charged to a reckless potential;
But a rascal named Ohm
Conducted her home -
Her decline was, alas, exponential.Then one of mine:There once was a star named Neutron
Who wasted her time on a futon.
"How could I resume
Fusion, when in my womb
Are the stirrings of quarks and a gluon?"

[gwiz]

There once was a fellow named Fiske,

...and I can't continue without risking a ban.

[clop]

I wrote a couple the other day for another thread.

Schrodinger said goodbye to his cat,
She meowed as he nailed down the last slat,
Sssh!! Was his feline still there?
Or had she vanished into thin air!
Later that day, acting on a tip-off, the RSPCA broke into his flat.

Heisenberg was one of those poor people,
Whose headmaster was really quite simple.
No matter how hard he tried,
The guy could never decide,
He became known as the uncertainty principal.

Darwin's impressive erection,
Won him copious female affection,
Between each in and out,
Young Charlie would shout,
"Three cheers for natural selection!"

clop

[jseefcoot]

Wow. Science can be fun!!


Go Darwin!!!!

[Peter Wilson]

Now we know why people with Traditional Values are after Darwin!

[space cadet]

The pelican, the pelican
can hold more in his beak than his belly can
he holds more in his beak
than you could in a week
but I don't know how in the hellican.


here's one my zoology teacher used to say a lot, although it's technically not a limerick:

The honeybee is a happy soul
with no regard for birth control
and that's the reason
if you please
there's an awful lot of sons of bees.

[Donnie B.]

The honeybee is a happy soul
with no regard for birth control
and that's the reason
if you please
there's an awful lot of sons of bees.Mostly daughters, actually... :D

[mike alexander]

A young physicist named Ramiro
With his words to his wife was a hero.

“Your pert bust pleases me,
“Neither A nor a C,

“Its divergence from B equals zero!”

[Maksutov]

A young physicist named Ramiro
With his words to his wife was a hero.

“Your pert bust pleases me,
“Neither A nor a C,

“Its divergence from B equals zero!”Way to take it to the limit, mike!

There was a quaint fellow named Rust,
Whose career had been quite a bust.
His lifelong devotion
To perpetual motion
Caused friction with those he would trust.

[Maksutov]

After

"Roswell That Ends Well"

A defrosted fellow named Fry
Found time travel a "piece of pie",
'Til his "granddad" was fused,
By his grandma seduced,
Becoming his grampa. Oh my!

[JohnD]

There is a clean version:

A young quantum fencer called Fiske
Whose movements were so quick and brisk
The speed of his action
Fitzgerald Contraction
Shortened his foil to a disc

[mike alexander]

In the realm of New under the Sun
Is what BAUTers consider good fun

They will argue all day
For a yes or a nay

Whether .999... equals 1

[mike alexander]

From another site:

The young physicists couldn’t wait
For the end of their very first date

To the back room they fared
Since they both were unpaired

Yet they shared the same excited state

[mike alexander]

That string theory just sings its old song
Too abstruse to tell right from the wrong

My new theory is just
More attractive, I trust

Since it wears not a string, but a thong.

[mike alexander]

Archimedes of Truth was a seekah
But a bath he took just once a weekah

But it helped him, you see
To explain bouyancy

When the townsfolk yelled at him, "Eureka!"

[mike alexander]

All the clerics of Bruno were tired
When he said, "In a Dark Age you're mired."

"Though you try as you might
"You will soon learn I'm Right!"

He WAS right, but it still got him fired.

[Maksutov]

Some theories are quite hard to swallow,
Like those that the Moon is all hollow.
When reviewed by Phil Plait,
ATM was their fate.
All similar theories would follow.

[Maksutov]

Galileo was asked by the Pope
To let him look through his new scope.
"Although I'm infallible
My mind is still malleable."
Said Urban, who wasn't a dope.

[mike alexander]

Standard Model for me? Hey, no thanks!
With its leptons and quarks in neat ranks

Ask me what I prefer
In a Model, I'm sure

Heidi Klum, or perhaps Tyra Banks

[mike alexander]

For Creation the Lord built a Plan
From the Galaxies down to small Man

But though try as He might
He still lags behind light

He’ll be here just as fast as He can.

[Andromeda321]

I got bored in quantum mechanics class today. So with that...

Modern Physics Homework Excuses

Dear Professor: it must be said
Lest the wrong conclusion be spread:
For reasons outside my control
My work fell into a wormhole
Within which it was promptly shred.

~~~~~

This assignment I did not shank-
Indeed my homework's played a prank!
Instead of choosing to stay
The work all tunneled away
Leaving this page which looks quite blank.

~~~~~

Grader, Grader, I must proclaim
Our reference frame is not the same!
I will return from S-prime
But will elapse through less time
And my late set on this I blame.

~~~~~

If you are feeling a touch upset
That you cannot find my problem set
When you turned away
It refused to stay
With no direct observer! –Yvette

[Trebuchet]

In the realm of New under the Sun
Is what BAUTers consider good fun

They will argue all day
For a yes or a nay

Whether .999... equals 1

You win.

[Peter Wilson]

Not!

[Graybeard6]

A comely young lady named Bright
Could travel far faster than light
She set out one day, in a relative way
And returned on the previous night!

[Kiwi]

Good stuff, Andromeda321.

We can just see your galaxy in the early evening now, on the few occasions when this year's raging el nino gives us cloud-free skies. When the Southern Cross is upside down and pointing downwards, low in the south, the Andromeda Galaxy is exactly opposite, low in the north. With a bit of luck el nino will have died down by the time you get here.


Not exactly physics, but this lot reminded me of a bit of doggerel I made up about our Minister of Tourism:

McCully, the McTourism McMan,
Hatched a grandiose 2000 plan.
But he shouldn’t have done
‘Cos two thousand and one
Was when the millennium actually began.

And a non-limerick about our Prime Minister:

Prime Minister Shipley, the pensioners’ friend,
Higgledy-piggled the numbers again.
She fudged and she fiddled, then falsely defined
The millennium’s years as just nine-ninety-nine.

[Damien Evans]

The job of a quantum mechanic
Is one that is truly satanic-
He's forever maligned
By the things he can't find
Which always drives him into panic!

~~~~~


i like that one so much i have a request to make, Andromeda, would you mind if i made that limerick my signature?