Demotivators

[farmerjumperdon]

Don't know if I've shared this link before, and undoubtedly a few of you may have seen this:

http://www.demotivators.com/viewall.html

I love this stuff. Being one, the Consulting poster is my favorite. ("If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made prolonging the problem.") I find the one about loneliness very funny too.

That and the UPS commercial where the consultant replies to the offer to implement the designed solution "Well, . . . we don't actually DO anything."

[Big Bad Boo]

LOL! Funny stuff there.

[Swift]

I have known of them for years; a guy I worked with had a couple of the posters in his office. This one (http://www.demotivators.com/potential.html) is appropriate for BAUT, as is this one (http://www.demotivators.com/wishes.html).

[farmerjumperdon]

They must have a few new ones. I had never seen the Wishes one before. Very good stuff.

[Moose]

Hehehe. I like that second one, Swift.

I wish I could link one result of a fark photoshop contest without breaking board copyright and hotlinking rules, or link to the appropriate thread/post without violating language-linking rules. It's not quite related to BAUT, but I thought it was hilarious.

It was a demotivators-style "poster" of two cats (one grey tabby, one black and white) staring at each other suspiciously with the caption reading:

PARANOIA: There may be a traitor among us.

[Doodler]

I always like the one they did for Star Trek called "Expendability". Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Ensign Ricky are beaming down to the planet. Guess who isn't coming back?

[farmerjumperdon]

Hey, I was Ensign Expendable for Halloween one year. We went as the crew (well, part of the crew, not the ENTIRE crew of a Starship) and I went in first everywhere, looking behind doors, in dark corners.

It was funnier than my description.

[Doodler]

http://www.demotivators.com/quality.html

Win.

[Larry Jacks]

I've been a big fan of their work for years. I especially like Agony (http://www.demotivators.com/ag24x30prin.html), Get to Work (http://www.demotivators.com/gettowork.html), and Consulting (http://www.demotivators.com/consulting.html). Seeing as how I'm a defense contractor...

[NEOWatcher]

I always like the one they did for Star Trek called "Expendability". Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Ensign Ricky are beaming down to the planet. Guess who isn't coming back?
And of course, Ricky doesn't have a last name.

Guy Fleegman (http://imdb.com/title/tt0177789/quotes): Nobody knows. Do you know why? Because my character isn't important enough for a last name, because I'm gonna die five minutes in.

[tofu]

Somebody did a star trek one. It's hilarious!

http://www.michaelhoover.org/photos/uncategorized/trekinspire_2.jpg

[mike alexander]

I have one over my desk my son made. It shows a young dragon with extremely stubby wings standing poised on the edge of a cliff with the caption:

FUTILITY - Trying doesn't pay medical bills

[TrAI]

Demotivation posters? Here you go:

[Swift]

Consulting (http://www.demotivators.com/consulting.html)
The chemist version of this is "If you are not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate". :eh:

:dance:

[Fazor]

I don't need any demotivational posters; I already have the best demotivational tool there is. It's a giant picture window with a view out to the sunny, unseasonably warm world (it's like 73f here today). I get to see all the people on thier bikes and walking their dogs and enjoying the nice weather, and i'm stuck in here. That's all the demotivation I need.

[Swift]

Well Fazor, if it cheers you up, it is supposed to be snowing by Friday in our part of the Kingdom of O. That should make all us worker bees happy to work. ;)

[Whirlpool]

This one is for me.

Success
Some people dream of success, while other people live to crush those dreams.

:neutral:

[Swift]

Whirlpool, are you the crusher or the crushed?

[Whirlpool]

I am the crushed.

:neutral:

[cjl]

I love this one:

http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/demotivators_1937_2466940 (http://www.demotivators.com/laziness.html)

[SockMonkey]

I don't need any demotivational posters; I already have the best demotivational tool there is. It's a giant picture window with a view out to the sunny, unseasonably warm world (it's like 73f here today). I get to see all the people on thier bikes and walking their dogs and enjoying the nice weather, and i'm stuck in here. That's all the demotivation I need.

Sounds like you have a nice wide field of fire then.

[Maksutov]

That's a favorite site.

I used to work for a yuppie (a Stephen Colbert look-alike) who had motivational posters everywhere, except the floor (yes, there was one on the ceiling!). A couple were Vince Lombardi posters, including, of course, the one about winning. The only one missing was one for his direct reports, which would have had to do with how to work for an incompetent boss.

I think it used to irk him to no end when he came into my cubicle and saw all the framed demotivational posters. Each one had been chosen to counter every one of his framed examples of baloney.

Fortunately I changed companies before he could find an excuse to fire me.

http://img394.imageshack.us/img394/4879/iconbiggrin1kg.gif

[Moose]

I love this one:

http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/demotivators_1937_2466940 (http://www.demotivators.com/laziness.html)


My workplace has the motivational poster this demotivator was based on. I've been wanting to get this one in order to switch them on the sly one night. See how long it stays up. :D

[Maksutov]

What they really need are some posters for disaffected college students.

http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/566/iconwink6tn.gif

[Nowhere Man]

Failure. When your best just isn't good enough. :)

Fred

[cjl]

This one's good too:

http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/demotivators_1937_2376878 (http://www.demotivators.com/goals.html)

[Van Rijn]

I always like the one they did for Star Trek called "Expendability". Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Ensign Ricky are beaming down to the planet. Guess who isn't coming back?

They had that on Family Guy. Kirk named who was going, and when Ensign Ricky heard his name, he mouthed an epithet. At the end of the episode, William Shatner was run down by a car, and the guy who played "Ensign Ricky" was in the crowd near him, saying "I did not see that coming."

[Maksutov]

Two all-time favorites:

One. (http://www.demotivators.com/med24x30prin.html#)

Two. (http://www.demotivators.com/quality.html)

[Doodler]

Hehe, I had it. :)

[Whirlpool]

Hehe, I had it. :)

Ha ha Doodler.

I didnt see that coming.

Such demotivation.

:)

[farmerjumperdon]

I really like the Quality one also. I've seen so many totally bogus quality initiatives I can't even remember all the acronyms.

Some of them might be worthwhile if they were ever actually followed, but usually we just end up going with the impulses of some VP or another. They should stop wasting our time. Very silly to go thru some form of CQI aerobics or another, just to ignore the research, analysis, and recommendations because it did not jive with the pet wishes of some disconnected executive.

[peteshimmon]

Some years ago I remember a photocopied picture appear on the wall at work. It featured a crazy looking sylvester type sitting with hair sticking out and the caption "STRESS..the feeling of wanting to stick it to some a******e but not being allowed too". One lunchtime it got removed,
photocopied, tippex applied, changed, rephotocopied, crunched up slightly to make it look just as dogeared and put back. It now read "....stick it to the system but not being allowed too" Took about a week to be noticed:)

[Maksutov]

I really like the Quality one also. I've seen so many totally bogus quality initiatives I can't even remember all the acronyms.

Some of them might be worthwhile if they were ever actually followed, but usually we just end up going with the impulses of some VP or another. They should stop wasting our time. Very silly to go thru some form of CQI aerobics or another, just to ignore the research, analysis, and recommendations because it did not jive with the pet wishes of some disconnected executive.Yup, good old Quality flavor of the month or year. And as you said, usually some executive's pet project, which gets totally diluted as it's passed down through the ranks. Plus they are usually unfunded projects with no one at the point of implementation really having any authority or incentive to make sure things are followed properly. Quality Circles was the best example of this.

Of course the credibility of such campaigns and programs would be dealt a fatal blow when the time inevitably came that the same upper management guy authorized off-spec products to be shipped due to delivery to an important customer being behind schedule. Usually there was a tie-in between the on-time delivery and the executive's bonus for that year.

:wall:

[Whirlpool]

We have quality circles here in our office .
Being in a manufacturing company, we observe quality at all times.

Of course the credibility of such campaigns and programs would be dealt a fatal blow when the time inevitably came that the same upper management guy authorized off-spec products to be shipped due to delivery to an important customer being behind schedule. Usually there was a tie-in between the on-time delivery and the executive's bonus for that year.

Is that true or you are just joking?

As much as possible , here where I worked , yes, we have problems that we are sometimes behind schedule because quality problems and process rejects and customer is really furios to when we will deliver his orders, but we didn't sacrifice quality just to be able to meet shipments.

Quality is important , its where we get the Trust of our customers, to have them continue place orders to us.

;)

[Moose]

Is that true or you are just joking?

I'm not having a hard time believing it. I've seen that sort of thing far too often myself. It definitely has the ring of truth to it.

[Gillianren]

At the call center where I used to work, there were so many competing definitions of "quality" that the people who actually worked there were pretty powerless to implement any of them.

[hhEb09'1]

cjl

"Procrastination: Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now."

:)

[Larry Jacks]

At the call center where I used to work, there were so many competing definitions of "quality" that the people who actually worked there were pretty powerless to implement any of them.

Have you ever read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"? I read it in 1980. IIRC, the main character was a professor of rhetoric who was obscessed with finding the definition of "quality". He was slowly going insane.

Don't let my description of the book put you off. It's actually a pretty good read.

[Swift]

At the call center where I used to work, there were so many competing definitions of "quality" that the people who actually worked there were pretty powerless to implement any of them.
You mean like this Dilbert cartoon (http://www.witiger.com/internationalbusiness/dilbertquality.jpg) (like I said, Dilbert is a documentary)

[hhEb09'1]

Have you ever read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"? I read it in 1980. IIRC, the main character was a professor of rhetoric who was obscessed with finding the definition of "quality". He was slowly going insane.

Don't let my description of the book put you off. It's actually a pretty good read.It was our first assigned reading, when I took Topology as a first year graduate student, using the Moore method, in 1976.

[Gillianren]

Apparently, it's my Aunt Susie's favorite book. I'll get to it.

No, it was actually that how quality was determined was different. Customer satisfaction? Short call time? Sales? Obeying federal laws for phone services?

[Maksutov]

We have quality circles here in our office .
Being in a manufacturing company, we observe quality at all times.Do your quality circles have budgets? Do your quality circles have the authority to implement the improvements they come up with? If not, then all they can do is suggest and depending on the corporate climate, often be ignored, except when they're paraded in front of customer representatives as examples of the company's commitment to quality.
Is that true or you are just joking?Well, it's kind of sad (but appropriate) that it comes across as a joke, but it's true.

Here's an example I believe I posted a few years ago.

I was the quality control supervisor for the lighter division of a large corporation way back when. These were plastic-body butane-fueled cigarette lighters.

There were company and government standards for various aspects of the lighter and the flame it produced, such as a maximum flame height and a limit on the number of lighters which would produce a flame out the knurled adjusting wheel (close to 1 PPM). The problems these two attributes could cause are evident, especially the adjustment blow-by.

These two problem areas were the result of poor design, i.e., the parting line for the two-piece lighter body also ran through the o-ring sealing surface, and process control, i.e., the mismatch at the parting line was statically out of control. Therefore the flame height was machine checked 100%, except when an automated testing machine (ATM) had a problem with its accuracy and repeatibility & reproducability (R&R), which was common, and the blow-by was checked manually using huge samples per a very tight MIL-STD-105 AOQL.

The company standards were constantly being overruled by the various VPs in order to maintain shipment schedules. The government standards were subject to occasional audits by the Feds, so these tended to be adhered to.

However, one lot of about 2 million (IIRC) lighters exceeded the Fed limits for the two requirements mentioned above. My disposition for the discrepant material report (DMR) was sort and resample. Sorting would have been done by accurate R&R ATMs and manually, as with new production lighters.

My manager, the QC manager, countersigned my signature, but due to the dollar value of the product involved, the disposition had to be OK'd by a VP. The DMR found its way to a VP of Lighter Sales (believe it or not) who realized such a disposition would impact his goals for that month and he might not get his bonus.

So he crossed out the "sort" disposition and wrote "Use as is", signed it and sent it back down the chain. The 2 million lighters shipped without sorting.

Two weeks later, having left the lighter company, I was working for an aerospace company. A few months later the first lawsuits hit for people whose faces had been burned due to adjusting wheel blow-by.

:evil:

[Whirlpool]

Do your quality circles have budgets? Do your quality circles have the authority to implement the improvements they come up with? If not, then all they can do is suggest and depending on the corporate climate, often be ignored, except when they're paraded in front of customer representatives as examples of the company's commitment to quality.

Yes, our quality circles have budgets. We even have competitions for new researches which who ever is chosen , it will be implemented in the line , usually our themes are on "cost reduction".
And yes, I know some are being paraded only when there are customers around to visits.

My manager, the QC manager, countersigned my signature, but due to the dollar value of the product involved, the disposition had to be OK'd by a VP. The DMR found its way to a VP of Lighter Sales (believe it or not) who realized such a disposition would impact his goals for that month and he might not get his bonus.

So he crossed out the "sort" disposition and wrote "Use as is", signed it and sent it back down the chain. The 2 million lighters shipped without sorting.

Two weeks later, having left the lighter company, I was working for an aerospace company. A few months later the first lawsuits hit for people whose faces had been burned due to adjusting wheel blow-by

That is sad but I know it happens.
As far as I know, <I hope>, we havent encountered that situation here.
Sometimes , there people are really like this , doing it out of their selfish wants. Violating rules , and face the consequences after.

[Maksutov]

I really like the Quality one also. I've seen so many totally bogus quality initiatives I can't even remember all the acronyms.

Some of them might be worthwhile if they were ever actually followed, but usually we just end up going with the impulses of some VP or another. They should stop wasting our time. Very silly to go thru some form of CQI aerobics or another, just to ignore the research, analysis, and recommendations because it did not jive with the pet wishes of some disconnected executive.Plus it's not just quality that has all the programs, campaigns, etc. Production and production control (now called "logistics": guess some PC types liked the military connotation) have had their multitude of fads, such as Lean, Supply Chain Management, etc.

My favorite was Management By Objectives. Its heyday was the 1970s. For while at that time I worked two jobs at the same company, as a quality engineer and as a buyer. My "buyer" boss, the production control manager, was away for a week, with most of the other managers, to learn about Management By Objectives. We got a lot accomplished that week with hardly any meetings.

When he got back, everything was then described from the perspective of Management By Objectives. This lasted for about six months.

The really funny thing was, he always pronounced "Management By Objectives" the same way one would pronounce "meat byproducts". I once asked him re Management By-objectives what the primary objectives were. He didn't get it.

:wall:

[mike alexander]

What needs to be understood by the uninitiated is that in many ways Quality has become a fetish (if not a joke). This has nothing to do with true quality. 'Quality' (capital cue), has to do with recursive documentation, transcendental numbers of initial/date, SOPs, SAPs,QPDS, QEMs, and so on. It is an internal/external game of cat and mouse, a corporate 'Simon Says', insanity layered with inanity, usually run by earnest but not terribly curious people who don't mind doing a document over a tenth time because all the bullet points weren't the same size. It is paper for its own sake, a way to give meaning to otherwise boring lives, and a source of great sadistic pleasure for those who get to wiggle it in your face.

I had a tag on a machine giving the next recalibration date. Since it was just into the new year, I wrote '11 Mar 2006' instead of '11 Mar 2007'. QA noticed and told me. I went to throw it away and scribble a new one, but QA instead had me cross out 2006, note a transcription error, write 2007, then initial and date it.

If you do not see what is terribly wrong with that, do I have a job for you!

[Whirlpool]

What needs to be understood by the uninitiated is that in many ways Quality has become a fetish (if not a joke). This has nothing to do with true quality. 'Quality' (capital cue), has to do with recursive documentation, transcendental numbers of initial/date, SOPs, SAPs,QPDS, QEMs, and so on. It is an internal/external game of cat and mouse, a corporate 'Simon Says', insanity layered with inanity, usually run by earnest but not terribly curious people who don't mind doing a document over a tenth time because all the bullet points weren't the same size. It is paper for its own sake, a way to give meaning to otherwise boring lives, and a source of great sadistic pleasure for those who get to wiggle it in your face.

I had a tag on a machine giving the next recalibration date. Since it was just into the new year, I wrote '11 Mar 2006' instead of '11 Mar 2007'. QA noticed and told me. I went to throw it away and scribble a new one, but QA instead had me cross out 2006, note a transcription error, write 2007, then initial and date it.

If you do not see what is terribly wrong with that, do I have a job for you!

Well its all about that. Lots of procedures and documentation. And there are auditors external and internal who will check you every now and then.

Mak is an expert on these , right Mak. ;)

[hhEb09'1]

I had a tag on a machine giving the next recalibration date. Since it was just into the new year, I wrote '11 Mar 2006' instead of '11 Mar 2007'. QA noticed and told me. I went to throw it away and scribble a new one, but QA instead had me cross out 2006, note a transcription error, write 2007, then initial and date it.

If you do not see what is terribly wrong with that, do I have a job for you!That you were going to waste a perfectly good tag, or that you seem to have a QA module permanently clamped to your shoulder? :)

[peteshimmon]

I have seen some quality documentation in my
time. Trouble is I read some and dont get it!
Better than counting sheep sometimes but not
at work:) Chasing some quality person for their
signature on an Engineering Change Request
would be a pain, who were these twerps who did
not design or manufacture or commission? But
there were decent types who claimed to be
policemen sort of. Anyway make me happy and
confirm all procedures are on computer screen
these days! No waste of trees anymore hopefully.