Eurovision!

[parallaxicality]

The world's single most atrociously, terribly addictive contest (It makes American Idol look like the Heisman Trophy) has finally reached its list of 42 (count 'em) entrants, who, come May, will rush off to Helsinki, Finland for a gluttonous, cancerous feast of pure carcinogenic ear-candy.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, Eurovision is the Eurovision Song Contest, a massive pop Superbowl in which excrable pop artists compete for the Europe-wide popular vote (actually, since anyone who can tune in to the Eurovision network is eligible, Israel, Lebanon, Morocco and Tunisia have all also competed). The quality of the songs is unimportant; what matters is the presentation. How ludicrous, how insane can you appear; how dexterously can you dance along the lines of taste?

Another thing that matters is politics. Every single participating country is allowed to vote (12 times!) for any nation except itself. This usually means that they tend to vote for the country right next door. The Scandinavian countries all vote for each other, the Baltic countries all vote for each other, the Balkan countries all vote for each other, the former Soviet countries all vote for each other etc. And every country, no matter how small, has exactly the same number of votes. Andorra (population: 70,000) has as much of a vote as Germany (population: 80 million). This means that, invariably, the region of Europe with the most countries (ie, Eastern Europe) tends to win these days.

Last year, I have to say, bucked the trend. The toxic level of syrupy balladeering had finally reached a tipping point in the audiences bloodstream, and it resulted in a massive reaction. Instead, a bunch of screeching Gwar wannabes called Lordi utterly crushed the competition:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqBGffYpE9I&mode=related&search=

So, in keeping with tradition, this year's contest will be held in their homeland of Finland.

The Finns, unsuprisingly, have been very up on the cyber angle of things. Thanks to their cool Mediacentre, not only can you now hear every song in its entirety (yikes) you can now watch videos for them as well.

http://www.eurovision.tv/content/view/161/142/

Unfortunately, a bug in the program prevents you from hearing the entry from my own nation of the UK. But have no fear: the website Heckler Spray have posted it online:

http://www.hecklerspray.com/scooch-somehow-goes-to-eurovision/20067493.php

And yes, the guy did actually say, "Would you like something to suck on for landing, sir?"

The band who released this gem are called Scooch, a prefab band who came from and went nowhere almost simultaneously back in 1998. They reached national headlines when our poor, hard-done-by national commentator for Eurovision, the quietly sardonic (and Irish, bless him) Terry Wogan who has been engaged in a personal war against this show for years now, tried to avert disaster by naming someone else at the ceremony. He failed, the mob spoke, and here we are.

[V-GER]

The fear here is that the organizers are going to mess this up totally and we'll end up being the laughing stock of whole Europe(well anyone who cares about this debacle that is.) Swedes and Norwegians are most likely going to laugh at us anyway, unless they win of course. If the Russias don't win they're going to claim it was a conspiracy. Ah can't wait...

[Laguna]

No points for Germany this year. On the start for us is a swing singer without any curiosities.
No funny dressings, no shocking lyrics, and he is not even transsexual.
He is good, but who cares....

Not a snowball's chance in hell for any points this year.

[parallaxicality]

The fear here is that the organizers are going to mess this up totally and we'll end up being the laughing stock of whole Europe(well anyone who cares about this debacle that is.)

If Latvia and Estonia can pull it off, I'm pretty sure you guys will have few problems.

Swedes and Norwegians are most likely going to laugh at us anyway, unless they win of course.

Really? I thought you guys all voted for each other?

No points for Germany this year. On the start for us is a swing singer without any curiosities.
No funny dressings, no shocking lyrics, and he is not even transsexual.
He is good, but who cares....

Not a snowball's chance in hell for any points this year.

I liked Germany's entry last year; the concept of a German singing a country and western song was just inherently cute.

[Laguna]

If Latvia and Estonia can pull it off, I'm pretty sure you guys will have few problems.



Really? I thought you guys all voted for each other?



I liked Germany's entry last year; the concept of a German singing a country and western song was just inherently cute.
So it was you, who voted for Germany? :lol:

[parallaxicality]

Nope. Sorry; I voted for Bosnia. I thought having the next competition in Sarajevo would speed up the healing process.

[HenrikOlsen]

Really? I thought you guys all voted for each other?
Sweden and Norway vote for each other, Denmark generally exchange a few courtesy points with both, and Finland, being generally seen as a bit of a joke don't get points from any of us, except for last year when the Finnish joke was on the whole contest and they got lots from everybody.

[Laguna]

Nope. Sorry; I voted for Bosnia. I thought having the next competition in Sarajevo would speed up the healing process.
So I have to continue the search for that single voter.

[Celestial Mechanic]

Whenever I get depressed while considering the state of American popular culture I just remind myself that Europe has Eurovision and I feel better right away! ;)

[V-GER]

Sweden and Norway vote for each other, Denmark generally exchange a few courtesy points with both, and Finland, being generally seen as a bit of a joke don't get points from any of us.

See what we have to deal with?! ;)

Mind you, we do usually get some points from Sweden, out of pity most likely...

[Roy Batty]

Yay! Eurovision! I'm looking forward to it already!
It's like a 'Thanksgiving' day every year amongst a bunch of my mates; we get together with good company, good food, good drink (hic!) & bad, bad, baaaad music - with a big dollop of Wogan's sarcastic wit to round it all off! Yay again I say :D :D (yeah, I have no life:)).

[Doodler]

Whenever I get depressed while considering the state of American popular culture I just remind myself that Europe has Eurovision and I feel better right away! ;)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OK_Go

We're catching up...:(

[peteshimmon]

Well there were many sweet tuneful songs in the
first ten years of the contest. The faint
possibilty those times might come back should
keep some faith alive:) Now lets make sure the
mute button still works...

[Roy Batty]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OK_Go

We're catching up...:(

Oi! They're positively inspired compared to just about all Eurovision entries! :( (They've done the treadmill skit live on stage you know!).

[Dr Nigel]

Yay! Eurovision! I'm looking forward to it already!
It's like a 'Thanksgiving' day every year amongst a bunch of my mates; we get together with good company, good food, good drink (hic!) & bad, bad, baaaad music - with a big dollop of Wogan's sarcastic wit to round it all off! Yay again I say :D :D (yeah, I have no life:)).

I'm with you all the way here, Roy. Have a few drinks, laugh at the outfits, cringe at the jokes of Wo-Gan The Terrible, and listen to some music.

Incidentally, I like Lordi. I voted for Finland last year, and I subsequently acquired the album! It's fun!

[parallaxicality]

The semi-final starts in one hour. I'll probably miss a lot of it because of House, so can someone tell me who won? Usually the one that wins the first round wins the contest.

EDIT: First too were corkers. Loved that Bulgarian drummer chick, and the Israelis seem to be on a "takin' tha micky" roll. The rest so far have been dull dull dull. Why couldn't Iceland have sent Sigur Ros?

Hmm. The Georgians have their first ever entry. Bond theme imitations seem to be the order of the day this year.

These "how wonderful is Finland" inserts are weird. It's hard to imagine they were intended taken seriously. They're like silent sketch comedy skits.

Hey! Montenegro's first entry since independence! Is this show a history barometer or what?

I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but from what I've heard so far, Serbo-Croat is not a language that lends itself to rock and roll.

That "Vampires are alive" song should be staked. What? "They're one of the favourites." Aagh.

I liked that Moldovan song for a few seconds- it was like a cross between Metallica and the Corrs. But it's lost its edge.

Cool. The Israeli song has been in the newspapers causing international controversy. Apparently Amudinujad likes it. If last year is any indication, that means it's already won.

Well, if it worked for Israel back in 97, it should work for Denmark. Dana International was prettier though.

Up. House is on.

[Lianachan]

I love Eurovision, and host an annual drinking/eurovision party. It's utterly crap, but totally hilarious. We all get drunk with Terry Wogan, who is similarly crap and hilarious.

The voting is especially hilarious, due to the overwhelming political influence.

[parallaxicality]

I voted for Israel. I think the Brits will be cynical enough to follow my lead. A gag song about blowing up the world is exactly the kind of song they would vote for.

Have fun at your party Lian!

[Glom]

Was our song seriously featuring an airport set? Why do we do this to ourselves? Haven't we been humiliated enough over the past couple of months?

[parallaxicality]

I think we have an inferiority complex. Why else would send a song to the final with a veiled reference to homosexual oral sex in it?

Typical. The country I voted for didn't make it through.

[South East]

I think we have an inferiority complex. bla..blas

Prince, the

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiwxsBPcubY&mode=related&search=

[Pinemarten]

That's not rock. This is rock:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTIGrgujFNU

[Damien Evans]

If Latvia and Estonia can pull it off, I'm pretty sure you guys will have few problems.



Really? I thought you guys all voted for each other?



I liked Germany's entry last year; the concept of a German singing a country and western song was just inherently cute.

Only last ears "German" was actually Australian, IIRC

[Laguna]

Only last ears "German" was actually Australian, IIRC
The lead singer is from Australia. The other guys are from Germany.

[farmerjumperdon]

How's the song go:

What the world needs now,
Is another pop singer,
Like I need a hole in my head.

Although the lines I like best:

I don't know what the world may need,
But a V-8 engine's a good start for me,
Think I'll find someplace . . . . to be surly.

[Damien Evans]

anyway... should be fun...


Remember when they actually had talented singers on there, like ABBA and Olivia Newton-John?

[Roy Batty]

Well, the BBQ & Eurovision party is on as usual for tomorrow. Haven't had my £2 bet on it yet but I doubt I'll pick the winner like I did last year though :)

[Damien Evans]

yeah, but last year was so easy...

[Kullat Nunu]

The fear here is that the organizers are going to mess this up totally and we'll end up being the laughing stock of whole Europe(well anyone who cares about this debacle that is.)

I find that a really irritating attitude.

Other is that notion that we will always lose. Well, Lordi proved otherwise. And except for its two wins, Norway has been even less successful...

Anyway, the contest is an incredible show of terrible music that no one actually listens. That's weird since internationally popular contesters are usually very successful.

[Parrothead]

I guess Estonia's entry doesn't have to worry about conflicts with performing in Helsinki and her appearances in a staging of "Chess" in Estonia, anymore.

[papageno]

I accidentally caught the summary snippets of the performances last night.
At the end I was rooting for the Danish Drama Queen, but apparently they did not go through.

[Lianachan]

Anyway, the contest is an incredible show of terrible music that no one actually listens. That's weird since internationally popular contesters are usually very successful.

Isn't it, traditionally, a terrible show of terrible music? I've never, ever seen a good Eurovision show.

[parallaxicality]

I accidentally caught the summary snippets of the performances last night.
At the end I was rooting for the Danish Drama Queen, but apparently they did not go through.

I'm sorry, but if you're going to be a drag queen you should endeavor to make yourself good looking enough to embarass straight men.

[papageno]

I'm sorry, but if you're going to be a drag queen you should endeavor to make yourself good looking enough to embarass straight men.

I agree, but the campiness caught my eye.

[Kullat Nunu]

Isn't it, traditionally, a terrible show of terrible music? I've never, ever seen a good Eurovision show.

Yeah, incredible in the sense of unbelievable.