I just don't get people

[Tog_]

I work in a hotel. Friday morning at about 3 AM, a police officer came in and asked if anyone had come in in the last couple of minutes. When I said I hadn't seen any he asked me for a back way out.

I showed him the way out and asked what was going on. He said, "There was a hit and run. Witness saw something stuck under the truck. It may be the guy. We're looking for the guy, or property damage to see where he may have ended up. Go that way."

So, yeah. I got to wander around the place where I work looking for a body.

Later I saw another police officer in the parking lot and asked if they'd found him yet. He said they did, and that he was alive. He was also kind enough to fill me in on the rest of the story.

The couple was driving home and decided to exit the freeway 40 miles early to beat the tar out of each other. She was driving. They stopped in the intersection by the hotel, where he fell out of the driver's side door. He then grabbed her by the hair, pulled her out, and started beating on her. Somehow she got away and made it back to the truck, where she ran over him and dragged him for a ways. At some point she hit a few cars in our parking lot. Then he said the two things that confused me.

First, he said that he hadn't seen the man, but had seen the woman. He said that his understanding was that the man was actually in worse condition than the woman. He got dragged under a truck, and it's a surprise that he's hurt worse? How bad is she?

Second, and this is the thing that really confuses me, 90 minutes after she runs him over, they are back together and willing to put the whole thing behind them.

Now, it's all well to be forgiving and the like, but this seems more than a little foolish to me. I just don't get people.

[Whirlpool]

Second, and this is the thing that really confuses me, 90 minutes after she runs him over, they are back together and willing to put the whole thing behind them.

I just don't get them either . Especially the lady. if she's been physically beaten my that man she should stay away from him!


:mad:

[chrissy]

Some people can't bear to be away from each other, they live in a love hate relationship, neither would want to be apart from each other because they feel that security, the man might stay with his woman because he knows he can beat her up and she will let him get away with it and make up afterwards, or vice versa, yep there are women who beat their men up too. :(
My neighbours niece is in a similar relationship, he beats her around and almost makes her face unrecognisable, black and blue and she reports it to the police, they arrest him and then the next day she changes her mind and tells them she wants to drop all the charges made against him. People do the strangest things to one another Tog and they think it is perfectly normal to live like that, and we who watch or hear about things like that happening question it.

[Whirlpool]

We can be irrational when we are in-love.We can be self-less . We can give all of what we have and our wholeself .

I have been there.

But we must never failed to recognize the True Nature of a person we are involved with.

[Tog_]

Some people can't bear to be away from each other, they live in a love hate relationship, neither would want to be apart from each other because they feel that security, the man might stay with his woman because he knows he can beat her up and she will let him get away with it and make up afterwards, or vice versa, yep there are women who beat their men up too. :(
My neighbours niece is in a similar relationship, he beats her around and almost makes her face unrecognisable, black and blue and she reports it to the police, they arrest him and then the next day she changes her mind and tells them she wants to drop all the charges made against him. People do the strangest things to one another Tog and they think it is perfectly normal to live like that, and we who watch or hear about things like that happening question it.

Yeah. I know that stuff, I just don't understand it.

One night at the store where i worked some woman came in and asked us to help her. Some guy cam in right after her. We kept them apart while we called the police, the police talked to them, and the couple left together.

I guess maybe I'm wondering if it's something actually defective with these people of if it's some trait that we all possess to some degree.

Personally, if my GF takes me for scrape around the block, whether I deserved it or not, I just can't see myself really feeling like a good cuddle later in the day.

[tofu]

Second, and this is the thing that really confuses me, 90 minutes after she runs him over, they are back together and willing to put the whole thing behind them.

I think it's fascinating. There's an area of the brain that screams, "YOU MUST FIND A MATE" and it just completely overwhelms all the logic and reason that's going on in the frontal lobe. We have this delusion that we're completely rational and we make all our own decisions, but in truth, a lot of what we do is instinct, and we invent excuses after the fact to maintain the delusion.

The example I like to use is a bird flying south for the winter. Every bird undoubtedly thinks it's making its own decisions. If you could interview them, they would all say, "this is a personal decision that I made for me because this is right for me and I made this choice." But the truth is, the bird is just following an instinct and didn't make any decision at all. Since we're not birds, we can look at the situation dispassionately and see that this is obviously an instinct. When we look at ourselves, we can't seem to do that.

If global warming were to cause Florida to sink below sea level, then a million birds would perish in the ocean when they got out there and found no place to land. But what if you could tell the birds ahead of time that Florida was no longer there? Well, there's no doubt in my mind that many of them would still go. The feeling would just completely overwhelm everything else. I think this is what happened with the couple in your story. They know it's an unhealthy situation, but the feeling is too real.

[Disinfo Agent]

The couple was driving home and decided to exit the freeway 40 miles early to beat the tar out of each other. She was driving. They stopped in the intersection by the hotel, where he fell out of the driver's side door. He then grabbed her by the hair, pulled her out, and started beating on her. Somehow she got away and made it back to the truck, where she ran over him and dragged him for a ways. At some point she hit a few cars in our parking lot. Then he said the two things that confused me.

First, he said that he hadn't seen the man, but had seen the woman. He said that his understanding was that the man was actually in worse condition than the woman. He got dragged under a truck, and it's a surprise that he's hurt worse? How bad is she?That's some hardcore couple! :eek:

At least, they seem to deserve each other. Most likely, they know it, too, and that's why they stay together. Just stay out of their way, and you'll be fine.

[Swift]

Tog, I'm with you, I don't get it. But then, I don't get a lot of what people do. Sometimes I think I'm a different species. http://wtfdetroit.com/forums/images/smilies/shrug%20smiley-013.gif

[Fazor]

Tog, I'm with you, I don't get it. But then, I don't get a lot of what people do. Sometimes I think I'm a different species. http://wtfdetroit.com/forums/images/smilies/shrug%20smiley-013.gif

Something in the amphibian family, judging by your avatar. ;)

And Tog, if you think it's frustraiting, just think about the officers that get to deal with these people over and over. Fortunately, here in Ohio (and many other states) the spouse/victim of DV is no longer required to press charges, the law enforcement agency can do it even if the victim decides not to.

Problem is, that doesn't stop them from getting back together after release.

[Argos]

That's some hardcore couple! :eek:

At least, they seem to deserve each other. Most likely, they know it, too, and that's why they stay together. Just stay out of their way, and you'll be fine.

I´ve learned that the hard way. Try to intervene and probably you´ll be banned from their lives. Once I did that. Now the couple is living happily [on their own strange way] and I´m ignored by them [out of shame, embarassment, or whatever].

[chrissy]

Tofu you hit the nail on the head there, I had the same kind on situation, but his was more verbal abuse and mental abuse, I decided not to stay in that environment, he left and for a while tried to control me from the outside so to speak.
What we see as normal, holding hands or kissing in public, to others they think it should not be done like that, or going out together for walks many men or women would not do that and think that is not a normal thing to do either, but when it comes to physical abuse, most of us would be angry to even witness that, like you Argos, you interfered with what the see as a normal daily routine.
But it is the children of these people who really suffer, when they see this they think it is the normal thing to do treating their spouses like dirt, this sometimes leads them into the same kind of relationship when they grow up.

[Whirlpool]

That's some hardcore couple! :eek:

You mean Masochists.

hmmm:think:

[farmerjumperdon]

I don't buy the love-and-hate-are-so-complex bit. Simple truth is that a good chunk of the population are quite simply idiots.

There are at least half a dozen combat cooking shows, where the thrill is in the arguements, put-downs, back-stabbing and verbal abuse. Same for home improvement shows. Same for singing & dancing, beauty makeovers, auto rehab, hairstyling, etc. Some significant portion of humans is really into the slap-you-up, take-you-down, I love you, I hate you, pimp my ride or I'll kick your behind with this new business idea I have for a caramel themed restaurant run by naked chefs and their 1st cousin fiances.

All stupid human behavior can be understood by checking out what is popular on TV.

[Whirlpool]

Yeah . Started with the Reality TV Shows that are going popular nowadays.

[NEOWatcher]

Yeah . Started with the Reality TV Shows that are going popular nowadays.
Oh; I think it was long before that. It's just that reality TV was the first time the exec's figured it was good for prime time.

I think it's been around in some form or another for some time. Particularly in the form of Springer or in the fictional form of Soap Operas.

[mugaliens]

Depending on the nature of the incident, charges up to and including attempted murder may still be filed by the DA's office, regardless of how much they want to make up.

[Neverfly]

I would guess, alcohol and/or drugs were involved...

[chrissy]

Well these days drugs and alcohol might be a main factor in this and again the blame factor of TV, but this kind of thing isn't just a new thing that has just started since the TV started showing violence, this has been going on for a heck of a lot longer, and it was kept under control by the Alpha partner doing this and then it was mainly the males in them days, now it is both sexes that are more violent towards each other.
It is only because of more is brought to light by the media we are more aware of this factor, going to court for beating the partner to a pulp or the victim murdering the attacker.

[Noclevername]

I've never gotten people. This is just another example of why. And sad to say, I've actually heard worse. Recently, even.

[BigDon]

Tog, I worked for a hotel as maintenance. No, not housekeeping.

(Bear with me, I'm drinking tonight. Working towards "plowed like the south 40")

After only 18 months the stories I could tell!

The owner was a scumbag. Really. He owned several hotels and was diverting resources from the one I worked at to defend himself in court after an "underage brothel" was busted and he was accused (and later convicted) of relations with 14 year olds. Sort of stresses that corporate loyalty thing, in a big way. But it was still in court at the time. So I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.

One, I was glad I was married at the time to a woman I loved dearly. Otherwise the temptations to become someone I'm not may have been to great. And there were temptations.

Wierdo peeping toms, high on meth. Hey physicists! How often do you have to deal with THAT? You would hope that wouldn't happen too often in any line of work you choose. Saddenly, it happened a lot in hotel work.

The best moment in my hotel career? Three weeks after I was "laid off".

Finding out the guy I trained, who my immediate supervisor sprung on me all of a sudden as my replacement, with an AHA no less, and who had told my boss he was a recovered alcoholic, fell hard off the wagon at an expensive wedding with an open bar. He neglegected to tell my supe he was recovered for three whole weeks.

Let's run down the list o' offenses, shall we?

He:

Got "faced"

Got loud.

Whizzed in the ice fountain.

Groped the bride so hard that security was, I kid thee not, credited with saving his life from the groom, best man, BOTH fathers...and a general lynch mob.

I'm really sorry her wedding went sour. Really, I'm a human being too. But daaaaamn!

[ngc3314]

Wierdo peeping toms, high on meth. Hey physicists! How often do you have to deal with THAT?

Not quite - but I'm still surprised, and that's after doing grad school in California. I've had a woman in one class who came to me because a guy in the same class was stalking her. Had another student who I found alone in a computer room one day after I heard distinctly different voices conversing on multiple languages. Then there was the former officemate and award-winning astronomer whose experience led her to always factor in a baseball bat as essential gear for an observing session, or the guy who got high enough to shinny in the open slit of a dome at one observatory, steal a guiding eyepiece, and hock it in San Francisco, while taking the time to leave a note.

Then there was the time a guy asked for leniency when turning in a final exam, because his marriage had just broken up. Five minutes later another student asked for leniency because she'd been the other woman in that same situation. Ewwww - they met in my class, probably when the lights went down to look at pictures! Weird enough for me.

[Doodler]

He:

Got "faced"

Got loud.

Whizzed in the ice fountain.

Groped the bride so hard that security was, I kid thee not, credited with saving his life from the groom, best man, BOTH fathers...and a general lynch mob.

I'm really sorry her wedding went sour. Really, I'm a human being too. But daaaaamn!

Some people are just hellbent on shuffling their mortal coil off to Buffalo in a spectacular manner.

[Fazor]

Some people are just hellbent on shuffling their mortal coil off to Buffalo in a spectacular manner.

Just imagine the after-life conversation

"Hey buddy, how'd you get here?"

"I dove into the window of a burning building to save a stranded child, but the roof collapsed on me. How 'bout you?"

"Oh, I felt up some woman in a white dress. Next thing I know some dude in a tux was pounding my face in. What a jerk."

[Whirlpool]

Just imagine the after-life conversation

"Hey buddy, how'd you get here?"

"I dove into the window of a burning building to save a stranded child, but the roof collapsed on me. How 'bout you?"

"Oh, I felt up some woman in a white dress. Next thing I know some dude in a tux was pounding my face in. What a jerk."

:doh:

[mugaliens]

Not quite - but I'm still surprised, and that's after doing grad school in California. I've had a woman in one class who came to me because a guy in the same class was stalking her.

The only time I experienced this sort of perp was in college. The girl was dating a friend of mine (lived down the hall). She'd been to a few dorm parties and most of us knew her well.

The perp wasn't too bright, and was spotted while she was visiting my friend.

I rounded up three people who rounded up a few more, and so on, and so one. In about 60 seconds we had more than 100 guys. The plan took 10 seconds to brief: "When I give the signal, half of you go at that door, the other half out this one, circle the quad, and don't let him get away."

On que, the exited and corralled the jerk. We chained him to a light pole and called the cops. "Better bring a set of bolt cutters..."

"Chaining" - running a bicycle chain down the waist and out a leg hole before running it around an immovable object such as a light post.

[Superluminal]

I worked as a security guard many years ago. There was a girl on my shift, and it wasn't unusual for her come to work with a fat lip, or a black eye or just a hand print across her face. When we would ask what happened?, she would just say, "Howard beat me up." It was like no big deal for her husband to beat on her.

[Cougar]

The couple was driving home and decided to exit the freeway 40 miles early to beat the tar out of each other....

Pretty incomprehensible, all right. Just how far north in Utah ARE you?? :lol:

[BigDon]

Oh lord, my father used to tell me stories! (He was a policeman in the 60's and 70's) Saves a woman who's husband had her pinned was was utterly tee'ing off on her only to have her jump on his back as he plants Prince Charming into the sheetrock.

Love is "funny". Not the ha-ha kind either.

[chrissy]

It is blind in many ways BD, some people just don't want to leave their partners, because they are scared of going it alone, or make the initial move to free themselves because their "loved one" has told them they will find them where-ever they go and "kill them".
They can't live with nor can they live without them !