Little Problem in the Romance Department

[Rift]

After swearing off long distance internet relationships, I have found myself deeply in love (if that's even possible over the internet but that's a different concern :P ) with a young lady in England. Aargh, I live in the middle of the USA.

If the six hour time difference wasn't bad enough... She lives with her brother. The wireless router is in his bedroom. For some reason he thinks that radiation beams are going to fry his brain or some foolishness (I pointed out several more likely scenarios, including the amount of radiation coming from the potassium in bananas and concrete, and she told me to hush, not to give him any ideas) and unplugs the damn thing.

I'm going to send her a tinfoil hat for him, but have lost the link to the directions to make one, and just waiting for ToSeek to show up and post it for me :P

And no, at least she's not a kook, i have a strict only skeptics dating policy...

[PraedSt]

Her name's not Chrissy is it?

Hehe.

[geonuc]

Her name's not Chrissy is it?

Hehe.
Ooo, you're gonna get it.

Rift, buy your sweety a cable modem.

[misskitty]

I wouldn't worry to much about these things Rift. I'm sure your girl is bursting with happiness at your confession of love :D Besides, I'm betting you talk to her plenty as it is :P Best bet is to just ship her over here and have done with it ;)

[tofu]

Best bet is to just ship her over here

No way. What a great excuse to visit Europe! Fuel prices are low right now. Don't miss this chance.

[chrissy]

Ooo, you're gonna get it.

Rift, buy your sweety a cable modem.

Your damn right he's going to get it. It isn't me.

Best bet it is Miss Kitty. ;)

How long have you known each other Rift?

If her brother is at all worried about the "radiation" why does he have the router in his room???? Get her to have it in her room and tell him it is the safest option. :D

Here is a link for you AFDB (http://zapatopi.net/afdb/) for himself to make (the brother).

*mumbles to self, cheeky praedst*

[Rift]

I don't know Miss Kitty, ToFu has a point, she should ship me over to Britain since it IS a part of Europe. Gas is cheap again... And I always wanted to see the British Museum.

I've known her a while, Chrissy, the problem is the cable is where he sleeps.

Of course she has to get up for work, and I don't want to wear her out :p

Thanks for the link...

[Swift]

I'm going to send her a tinfoil hat for him, but have lost the link to the directions to make one, and just waiting for ToSeek to show up and post it for me :P

Here's an MIT study on aluminum foil hat design (http://people.csail.mit.edu/rahimi/helmet/) (no, I'm not kidding).

As far as the other concern, you could always fall back on the mail/post. It has worked for hundreds of years, its radiation free, and a love letter is very romantic

[chrissy]

Come over here to the UK and visit her, spend some time together in the holidays and see how things go between you two, you can't just jump in blind.

Solution to the cable problem, get them to swap rooms.
Or tell her to get a mobile broadband dongle ;) these are cheap enough through her mobile phone provider.

your welcome.

[apolloman]

I jumped in blind years ago and ended up living in another country with what was the love of my life .... until we broke up :cry:. which left me in a country I didn't really like, in a job I didn't like and without any reason for being there.
Thank God I was only 18 so plenty of time to move on. :)

IME long distance relationships just don't work (and close-up ones are hardly ever straight forward) so, if your job allows, go for a test-run.
Shame she's in England though... not the best place in the world.

[LotusExcelle]

Rift - I've been through several long-distance (Finland is rather long distance from here, for example). All internet-based but then obviously moving on from there. I'm a bit jaded as they all turned sour. BUT - I do still believe things like that can work out. Just take it easy. Don't panic about not being able to talk for a few days. Treat it like a local relationship. When you are first dating you don't see/talk every single day. You make a date to see each other on the weekend, for example. Approach it like that.

[Swift]

IME long distance relationships just don't work (and close-up ones are hardly ever straight forward) so, if your job allows, go for a test-run.
Shame she's in England though... not the best place in the world.
A very good friend of mine had a relationship that started while they were in college, had just started getting serious when he went overseas (the UK) for grad school, and was long distance for the next four years (they did visit with each other about once a year).

They have been married for about 20 years now, and have two kids, so I guess it worked out. ;)

But it is much harder having a long distance relationship and requires a lot more work and determination.

[apolloman]

Maturity has a lot to do with it, I suppose. Committment as well. Love on its own just isn't enough.

what great times though.

[misskitty]

Well there you have it Rift, guess it's just down to you and her to make it work. You up to the challenge? :) I agree with Chrissy, go spend some time with her when you are ready, take it from there :whistle:

Whatever happens though, sounds like you'll always be friends. It's only natural to seek other people's advice, just don't let things get you down too much if things didn't work out for them :)

Oooh, British Museum? I've been there.....

[suntrack2]

"Opinions forms as we speak"

A great quotation by Antoniseb. I like this quotation very much.

[HenrikOlsen]

Here's an MIT study on aluminum foil hat design (http://people.csail.mit.edu/rahimi/helmet/) (no, I'm not kidding).
It did have an interesting conclusion after showing that the hats actually amplify signals for several commonly used radio bands (eg. GPS):
It requires no stretch of the imagination to conclude that the current helmet craze is likely to have been propagated by the Government, possibly with the involvement of the FCC. We hope this report will encourage the paranoid community to develop improved helmet designs to avoid falling prey to these shortcomings.

[Studioguy]

And just to add some encouragement to the OP...

I'm about to celebrate my 8th wedding anniversary with my internet sweetheart. We lived 1000 miles apart when we came across one another and it was before VOIP and voice chat was readily available. It was also before cellular phones offered free unlimited long distance, so we were spending a fortune on long distance telephone bills. After a number of months we just made the decision to go for it and hope for the best, so she moved to be closer. Shortly thereafter we were living together. A year after that we were engaged (officially). A year later we were married.

Now we have two awesome kids (2 Boys, 5.5 years and 9 months) and are happy as can be. To think that it all started because I stumbled across a college football chat room and, as is customary, announced my team allegiance; and it happened to be the team where her Dad had grown up, which led to a little friendly chat and smack talk. The bonus in this story is that I found the perfect woman! Beautiful, smart, loves sports, and isn't picky enough about a mate that she rejected me!

If money had been no issue at the time, I would have been on a plane to her after the first time we chatted.

[Abbadon_2008]

Love those Brits and Aussies. They have a much greater appreciation for literate, articulate, and creative males than American women do. At least, that's my long-distance over-the-net experience.

Face-to-face with American women...they seem to have no use for men with brains.:whistle:

[mugaliens]

I don't know Miss Kitty...

Hah! We knew it was Chrissy, and weren't fooled one bit by that deft attempt at misdirection!

(ok, just bean me now, girl, and get it over with)

[mugaliens]

Face-to-face with American women...they seem to have no use for men with brains.:whistle:

Perhaps they're merely seeking similitude?

[chrissy]

I am not the only female in the UK! :p

[Tobin Dax]

I am not the only female in the UK! :p
Obviously not. But Rift doesn't know miss kitty. And I doubt his friend is Freema Agyeman. Who else is there?

[Moose]

Margaret Thatcher? Isn't she supposed to be a woman?

[chrissy]

I thought she was the Iron Lady?

Rift please disclose her first name at least, I just hope she isn't sharing the same name as me. :p

We do have the Queen as well here in the UK. :D

[Moose]

Rift is hitting on the queen? He aims high. :D

[PraedSt]

See what I've gone and done Chrissy? The rumour has acquired a life of it's own... ;)

[chrissy]

you started it! *poke*

[Fazor]

Well, just my two cents (had one semi-long distance relationship, but was just about 250 miles so still saw each other on a semi-frequent basis):

People always say "Long distance relationships don't work." Heck, I've even been known to say it. But think about it; how many close distance relationships work? What's the average number of people someone dates before meeting someone they wed? And even then, we all know what divorce statistics are like.

The real difference is so much more is invested in long distance relationships that become serious. Major moves, for instance. So when they don't work out, one of the parties is now displaced with (potentially) a lot more personally invested than a "regular, local relationship".

And then, the disclaimer that's applicable to all things relationship'esque: every situation is different, and each person is different. What might be difficult and unlikely for one person or couple can easilly be perfect for another. *shrug*

[chrissy]

That is so true Fazor.

I hope it works for Rift and his girl, who isn't me! :)

[PraedSt]

You keep fanning the flames! You're secretly chuffed with all this attention I reckon :)

Now I really do have to go and hide under a rock...

[misskitty]

Rift is hitting on the queen? He aims high. :D


LMAO! Oh Rift, you aren't two timing your girl with the Queen of England, are you??

Me thinks it's time to put them out of their misery :p

[Moose]

The real difference is so much more is invested in long distance relationships that become serious. Major moves, for instance. So when they don't work out, one of the parties is now displaced with (potentially) a lot more personally invested than a "regular, local relationship".

Mmm. I've been through several myself; my third (and hopefully last) is working out well so far.

The stakes are higher than in a local relationship, and there are much greater challenges involved. The devil is in the details, but if there's one piece of advice I can give, it's plan for the long term. It's a very slow, expensive, and exceptionally stressful process, especially when international travel is involved.

Trying to rush things will get you into trouble just about every time. It can be a bit like playing Russian roulette, only with the one chamber empty. You want to be bloody sure of yourself when the hammer goes down.

So far, so good.

[geonuc]

Wait, I'm confused. chrissy is the Queen of England and Rift is wooing her and two-timing misskitty ?

(welcome to BAUT, by the way)

[Moose]

LMAO! Oh Rift, you aren't two timing your girl with the Queen of England, are you??

Could be worse, he could be two-timing the Queen with the surviving members of Queen.

/ Too much love will kill you... ;)

[chrissy]

*poke tongue to outside of mouth*
wrist wiggle waves, wrist wriggle waves, oooops! points index finger slightly upwards, tries again!!!!

*Now to keeps tongue in mouth and tries it one more time*

Praedst, off with your head!

[chrissy]

LMAO! Oh Rift, you aren't two timing your girl with the Queen of England, are you??

Me thinks it's time to put them out of their misery :p

Me still thinks it is you misskitty! :D


Welcome to BAUT btw.

[closetgeek]

Love those Brits and Aussies. They have a much greater appreciation for literate, articulate, and creative males than American women do. At least, that's my long-distance over-the-net experience.

Face-to-face with American women...they seem to have no use for men with brains.:whistle:

I find that offensive on many levels! :hand: I am an American woman and have always held to the belief that you can only stare at a pretty face for so long, if there's nothing going on upstairs, it gets old fast.

[Whirlpool]

And just to add some encouragement to the OP...

I'm about to celebrate my 8th wedding anniversary with my internet sweetheart. We lived 1000 miles apart when we came across one another and it was before VOIP and voice chat was readily available. It was also before cellular phones offered free unlimited long distance, so we were spending a fortune on long distance telephone bills. After a number of months we just made the decision to go for it and hope for the best, so she moved to be closer. Shortly thereafter we were living together. A year after that we were engaged (officially). A year later we were married.

Now we have two awesome kids (2 Boys, 5.5 years and 9 months) and are happy as can be. To think that it all started because I stumbled across a college football chat room and, as is customary, announced my team allegiance; and it happened to be the team where her Dad had grown up, which led to a little friendly chat and smack talk. The bonus in this story is that I found the perfect woman! Beautiful, smart, loves sports, and isn't picky enough about a mate that she rejected me!

If money had been no issue at the time, I would have been on a plane to her after the first time we chatted.

That is inspiring Studioguy.

And you're Lucky you picked the right woman . :p

I'm glad I'm not the only one here who's on Long Distance Relationship .:p

[chrissy]

I think Moose is too. :p

[crosscountry]

Little Problem in the Romance Department



Never tell them you've got a little problem.:hand:

[Rift]

Well, it is my mind she lusts after, certainly not my body. Apparently having a mind full of little known scientific and historical facts is a big turn on to British women.

Thanks for the concern, but this is not my first long distance internet relationship. It's already outlasted the majority of them. True, the overseas thing is a larger obstical but with cams and Skype, it's not as large a one as it would have been even a few years ago. My first one was much more difficult, ended in disaster and was only 500 miles apart. Having a digital camera is good too, we've exchanged pictures of each others towns, workplaces, houses, etc. And yes, pity she's in England, such a damp little island. Every picture I've shown her of something here outdoors she says "such blue skies!". Bleah, Every outdoor picture she's show me is gray, dark, and overcast.

I've already sent her real post. There is in fact a rather large flow of postage between me and her, It's nice to see real handwriting instead of typed words.

She has a very British name, and it's not Chrissy :P It's Kate. And she lives, and i love this in the "Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenshead". 'Royal Borough' is a much more romantic term the 'county'. She's also a Dr. Who and Torchwood fan, those are hard to find in the US so is a definite bonus. She had no idea yanks even knew about Dr. Who or that there was a BBC America. I've been an anglophile since I first discovered Dr. Who 30 years ago, and now i'm literally one.

Cooling it for a few days, and having 'dates' is not a bad idea. As both of our time at the computer and neglect of family of friends has sky rocketed.

I'm not rushing into things and we are taking our time. Which has been delightful so far.

I would love to see the British Museum. I've heard they recently had an exhibit on Hadrian, would have loved to seen that with her...

[PraedSt]

I would love to see the British Museum. I've heard they recently had an exhibit on Hadrian, would have loved to seen that with her...

I prefer the Natural History Museum and the Science Museum. More buttons to press. Plus there are those dinosaurs... :whistle:

[misskitty]

I would love to see the British Museum. I've heard they recently had an exhibit on Hadrian, would have loved to seen that with her...

What a coincident, I went to that exhibition. Was worried I'd be bored but then this great bloke I know told me all about Hadrian and his gay lover. All of a sudden, my interest perked right up :p

Oh and just so you know, I've heard British girls can be extremely randy...(maybe Chrissy can back me up? :p) are you SURE she's not just after your body???

[chrissy]

Rift where I live is actually Newton Aycliffe, the County is actually "The County of Durham" Land of the Prince Bishops :D. We do get blue skies here but they vanish when we all finish work and when it comes to the weekend off it rains. :(
The museums here are great up and down the country.

Oh and just so you know, I've heard British girls can be extremely randy...(maybe Chrissy can back me up? )

I'm staying tight lipped on that one. ;)

[Nicolas]

I find that offensive on many levels! :hand: I am an American woman and have always held to the belief that you can only stare at a pretty face for so long, if there's nothing going on upstairs, it gets old fast.

I agree with you. It's easier to fall in love (as in the first part of the process) with a pretty face than a not-so-pretty face though, in my experience. But there's a limit to everything. It's nice when people look at your girlfriend from time to time. But I once dated someone (the "once" is stressed :doh:) and when she entered a room people didn't just look; all conversation more...or...less.....sto.....pped. From what I've heard by people who experienced it, Liv Tyler has that effect too, everyone feeling her presence and acting different/being distracted because of it. (for the record, I'm not bragging here, I dated her without knowing all facts about her looks beforehand, and it didn't turn out well between us anyway) And I can safely assume that was not because of me entering the room ;). I don't know about her, but I felt quite uncomfortable about that. Now she wasn't famous or anything, but at such a moment it really feels as if you're pop stars and everyone is looking at you (they were...) and expect something from you...And I prefer to be a bit anonymous in a crowd. Anyway we weren't compatible on all fronts anyway, so that turned out into nothing...

That said, I've taken a good look around me (analysing couples a youround, which ones look really happy and why) and asked myself some direct questions. Conclusion: I like beautiful women. Ok I love them :). But what I want, is to be happy, to have an interesting partner, to be loved and love her, not for a while but forever, without any hidden agenda or "games". Of course not every day will be the same joy, but I'm talking about the general trend :). Once all that is ok, you can fall in love with pretty much any looks. At least I can. Sure you can try to find the perfect present in the perfect package, but at my age, even though I'm still quite young indeed, most women that look good and are very sweet and smart, are either married, raise the bar above me, or have "an issue". And while I can let go a beautiful woman because I don't like her character, I think it'd be stupid to let go a loving, smart woman because she doesn't have the ultimate looks. Once you're in love with her, she's twice as beautiful anyway :).

I'm hoping to find someone suitable in the future. In fact, I hope I have found her but that we still need to realize it. :)

[PraedSt]

In fact, I hope I have found her but that we still need to realize it. :)

Is her name Chrissy? :)

[Nicolas]

No she's not, sorry to disappoint you. :) She's not my GF (yet?) anyway. Working on it, working on it...

And regarding British women, you forgot Margaret Thatcher. Oh, never mind... ;) :D

[Disinfo Agent]

Love those Brits and Aussies. They have a much greater appreciation for literate, articulate, and creative males than American women do. At least, that's my long-distance over-the-net experience.

Face-to-face with American women...they seem to have no use for men with brains.:whistle:I'd be willing to bet that American women say exactly the same about American men...

[chrissy]

I agree with you there Nicolas, looks are not important, many love having arm candy, men as well as women. A trophy to say look what I have.
I think it is more of what is inside that person, is where the beauty lies. :)

I wish you luck Nicolas. :)

Praedst, wha........? :lol:

[Fazor]

...that you can only stare at a pretty face for so long, if there's nothing going on upstairs, it gets old fast.

*Checks the mirror again, quickly* I firmly hold to that belief as well--for if it weren't true, I may never find true love!

(I poke fun at enough people, gotta give myself a jab occasionally to stay balanced).

[PraedSt]

Once you're in love with her, she's twice as beautiful anyway :).

Jokes aside, I have noticed this to be true...

[crosscountry]

I agree, and it doesn't matter what others think.

[closetgeek]

Believe me, I was caught up in the eye candy thing once. I admit it. I dated a guy who I honestly thought made me look better. I would actually spend time wondering what a guy like that was doing with a girl like me. He last girlfriend, as it turned out, I knew from high school, was the type to spend an hour putting on make up to go food shopping, where as if I got out of my pajamas to go, it was a good day. He was so full of himself, though, and I am not saying every good looking guy is, but it was hard to handle. Kind of the "well enough about me, let's talk about you. What do you think of me?" type. Admittedly, my tolerance of him was already strained but the breaking point was his attempt at a compliment. I was brushing my teeth and he was just outside the bathroom he says, "This just isn't going to work out...your hair is softer than mine." I think he actually heard the breaks screeching in my head.

[crosscountry]

Believe me, I was caught up in the eye candy thing once. I admit it. I dated a guy who I honestly thought made me look better. I would actually spend time wondering what a guy like that was doing with a girl like me. He last girlfriend, as it turned out, I knew from high school, was the type to spend an hour putting on make up to go food shopping, where as if I got out of my pajamas to go, it was a good day. He was so full of himself, though, and I am not saying every good looking guy is, but it was hard to handle. Kind of the "well enough about me, let's talk about you. What do you think of me?" type. Admittedly, my tolerance of him was already strained but the breaking point was his attempt at a compliment. I was brushing my teeth and he was just outside the bathroom he says, "This just isn't going to work out...your hair is softer than mine." I think he actually heard the breaks screeching in my head.


I've heard that women have a hard time dating someone they think looks better than them. In that way the woman is even more self conscious than normal and feels inadequate.


I cannot attest to this, because I've seen it both ways. Some need constant reminder that I think they are pretty, others tell me outright that they are. Of course maybe those were better looking than me. :D

[Nicolas]

I agree, and it doesn't matter what others think.

Funny thing about that: when you date someone who doesn't look extremely good, people start doubting whether you really love him/her, or just took the first thing you could get, while in fact dating someone without the looks argument leaves little more than the love argument, so they shouldn't have any doubts. When you date someone who looks really good, nobody seems to be asking any questions, while there's a real chance you're not loving the person but only the looks.

People are strange.

That said, I believe a basic physical attraction is important for a relationship, but as I said: when you love someone, he/she is twice as beautiful, so in most cases that's not a problem. Chances are higher you'll float into love rather than fall in love, but I don't think that's a bad thing.

@closetgeek: the first thing I do on the first date is a quick hair check. If hers is softer than mine, at least I know she's less bald than me. ;)

[Nicolas]

Believe me, I was caught up in the eye candy thing once. I admit it. I dated a guy who I honestly thought made me look better.

You're doing it wrong. It's about contrast. Date the ugliest guy you can find. You'll look stunning. ;)

I would actually spend time wondering what a guy like that was doing with a girl like me.
In a really limited amount, that could be categorized as appreciating someone and looking up to him. If you really keep wondering about it, it doesn't appear too good for the spontanity (Gillian? F1) of the relationship.

[Rift]

Believe me... Wit, Intelligence and Personality kick physical beauty's *** every time.

My brother just had a messy divorce. She was pretty, but had the personality of a rock and was dumber then a sack full of hammers, and on the stability front was one brick shy of a load. Finally I can say that in public...

Like me, my brother needs someone intelligent and witty to talk too. Every time I went to visit, he'd latch on to me like a titanic survivor to a lifeboat, talking my ear off because I could maintain an intelligent conversation with him for longer then 3 minutes. Why he married her I'll never understand. At least he has 3 cute kids, who seem to have gotten their brains from our side of the family and because she went nuts and abandoned them, he has custody of.

Fortunately Kate wins in all 4 categories. I'm a lucky guy...

[geonuc]

...but had the personality of a rock ..
Hey! I've had plenty of great conversations with rocks. Don't be dissing rocks.

[Delvo]

It's quite odd how routinely nearly every conversation that has anything to do with "dating", at least online, devolves into a bunch of mutual denialism about caring about "looks". It seems almost impossible to start such a topic and have the conversation actually stay on topic instead of drifting off into that other one, even if nobody asked.

[Moose]

Heh. There's nothing wrong with dating someone you enjoy looking at. Presentation is important, after all. It's only a problem when that's _all_ there is to a relationship.

[crosscountry]

It's quite odd how routinely nearly every conversation that has anything to do with "dating", at least online, devolves into a bunch of mutual denialism about caring about "looks". It seems almost impossible to start such a topic and have the conversation actually stay on topic instead of drifting off into that other one, even if nobody asked.

Yea, I'll admit to dating girls that weren't so hot in the looks department and several that were. The one thing I've noticed is that all girls have issues we have to put up with. Some of them are more easy to put up with when she's attractive, but that invites more.

[Whirlpool]

It's the physical appearance that we first see , but when you get to know the person more , these physical beauty diminishes and the personality of the person floats that gives the beauty effect that is lasting .

;)

[closetgeek]

Yea, I'll admit to dating girls that weren't so hot in the looks department and several that were. The one thing I've noticed is that all girls have issues we have to put up with. Some of them are more easy to put up with when she's attractive, but that invites more.

Yep, and men are just the picture perfect example of mental stability :liar:
To restate that, everyone has issues we have to put up with.

[PraedSt]

Yep, and men are just the picture perfect example of mental stability :liar:

:)

[Nicolas]

It's quite odd how routinely nearly every conversation that has anything to do with "dating", at least online, devolves into a bunch of mutual denialism about caring about "looks". It seems almost impossible to start such a topic and have the conversation actually stay on topic instead of drifting off into that other one, even if nobody asked.

First, I didn't see any mutual denialism about caring about looks. I only saw many people saying it shouldn't be only looks. That's a whole different thing.

Second: we went slightly off-topic, in the babbling section of an internet bulletin board? My god, what have we become! Somebody please think of the children!

OK, that'll do as far as releasing the negative energy involved with sticking my hand into a huge, heavy, fast-turning rack fan earlier today goes.

:whistle:;)

[Nadme]

I'm a bit skeptical of online romantic relationships, but wish you the best. I'd definitely try to meet this person in real life, just to be certain (and yes, I know the cost of travel and etc. -- particularly abroad).

Must she always use the computer in her brother's room? Isn't there something available at a nearby library or school [1/2 hour rentals?].

Hope this works out for you.

[Nadme]

yep, and men are just the picture perfect example of mental stability :liar:
To restate that, everyone has issues we have to put up with.

rofl!!! :)

[Nadme]

It definitely is not about looks, imo. I'm reasonably pretty, my spouse tends towards homely...but he's also stable, dependable and realistic.

By contrast, a former acquaintance of ours was a knock-out. And he's constantly losing jobs, can't keep his word/promises, wife is a nervous wreck.

I'd much rather have homely and good than handsome and loser.

[Nicolas]

I'll add "everyone has issues we have to put up with", completely uncalled for and I love it, the following:

Up to a certain level, nobody is unique. There are other people in the country or world you could love just as much as your lover. Some people use that argument to change partners every three years (when the falling in love magic has faded). I use that knowledge to stay with a partner unless there's a really good reason not to. Yes, I'd love that other woman too. But she too wouldn't be the only one, so that's no reason to change. Some people ask "why should I stay with you, what have you got to offer that nobody else has"? Nothing dear, nothing. There's plenty of me's out there. But if you're wise and you still love me, you'd better stay.

@Nadme: that still is "looks but nothing else" you're talking about. "he looks good, but he's unstable and/or dumb". That still is no argument to ignore looks completely. If you had a smart, intelligent, stable guy that looked nice in the left corner and a smart, intelligent, stable guy that looked run-over in the right corner, which one would you prefer? That said, as I psoted earlier, I can let go a good looking woman if I don't like her character, but I'd have a really hard time letting go a not so beautiful woman if I like her character, because it's hard to find somebody with a beautfiul character who loves you. Mainly because you don't see character on first sight.

[chrissy]

Hey! I've had plenty of great conversations with rocks. Don't be dissing rocks.

Agreed, rocks have a personality all on their own and very interesting to look at. :)

My ex looked like David Beckham. :(
He hated it because I have a good personality, quick wit and brains.

[chrissy]

I'd much rather have homely and good than handsome and loser.

Yup! I couldn't agree more.

[Nicolas]

As I said, how about handsome and good versus homely and good?

[PraedSt]

I see this thread has wandered a bit...

He hated it because I have a good personality, quick wit and brains.

You also look like Betty Boop. He can't have minded that. ;)

[Moose]

Ah, Nicolas [Edit: I meant Nadme, see a few posts down], there's no question I could make my life a lot easier if I were willing to settle for whoever I could find over here.

But people who share even a few of my interests are in very short supply in this region. The smart creative people know better than to try and make a living in an economically depressed region (which doesn't say much for my own smarts, I know), and took the first available opportunity to resettle.

I'm not interested in settling. I'm interested in settling down.

I may be a glutton for punishment, and it may turn out I'm in over my head again, but so far things are working out, and I'm prepared to play the long game if it means having a fighting chance at happiness with a partner. I want what I want, and I intend to work towards getting what I want until life shows me one helluva compelling reason why I shouldn't.

[Nicolas]

You know, there are frequent posters, some of them who have been member of this board since as early as september 2004, who are not only witty, smart and having a good personality, but who also look b-e-a-utiful on top of it, and for whom the hunting season is wide open. *couch*

[Nicolas]

Ah, Nicolas, there's no question I could make my life a lot easier if I were willing to settle for whoever I could find over here.

But people who share even a few of my interests are in very short supply in this region. The smart creative people know better than to try and make a living in an economically depressed region (which doesn't say much for my own smarts, I know), and took the first available opportunity to resettle.

I'm not interested in settling. I'm interested in settling down.

I may be a glutton for punishment, and it may turn out I'm in over my head again, but so far things are working out, and I'm prepared to play the long game if it means having a fighting chance at happiness with a partner. I want what I want, and I intend to work towards getting what I want until life shows me one helluva compelling reason why I shouldn't.
I think you meant another poster; I didn't say anything about long-distance relationships. I was strictly off topic. :whistle:

That said, I'm also looking for a partner I can see myself sharing my life with, not just a short period of fun. And if that person turns out to be someone who doesn't compare well to Liv Tyler in the mirror (sorry guys, that experience doesn't wear off soon ;) ), no problem. I'd be perfectly happy when I find the woman who makes me willing to share the rest of my life with, whether she looks stunning or just nice.

[Moose]

I think you meant another poster; I didn't say anything about long-distance relationships. I was strictly off topic. :whistle:

Doh, you're right. Sorry Nicolas, I'd meant Nadme. *chuckle* Either way, it wasn't meant to be disputational, just a convenient segué for something I wanted to express.

[Nicolas]

I'm terribly offended Moose.

No, not about that mix-up you just had. But your hair. I'm afraid it's softer than mine.;)


edit to add: just imagined a moose's hair. I think most toothbrushes are softer than that. Never mind. :D

[Moose]

You know, there are frequent posters, some of them who have been member of this board since as early as september 2004, who are not only witty, smart and having a good personality, but who also look b-e-a-utiful on top of it, and for whom the hunting season is wide open. *couch*

Ah, Unfortunately, Moose season's over for a while, I'm afraid, and I've got a tag on my ear these days. ( :D )

[Edit: Ha! Simuliposted!]

[Nadme]

As I said, how about handsome and good versus homely and good?

I've dated handsome and good (I'm not so bad looking myself)...and wouldn't trade my homely husband of nearly 16 years' marriage for any of those previous fellows. :)

[Nicolas]

Apparently they weren't that good in that case, as they're previous :). But I think we're on the same line. I wouldn't dare letting go of a very nice character just to improve on the looks department, not knowing what character is included there in the long term. And that's OK, because I know where my lower limit on looks is; if I REALLY don't like her looks at all, I will not fall in love with her. So if the woman I love is not the prettiest looking woman on earth, it will not make me unhappy.

[chrissy]

I see this thread has wandered a bit...



You also look like Betty Boop. He can't have minded that. ;)

Like I said before he hated me talking to anyone, ooops that was in the jealousy thread. Never mind.
We weren't compatible, he didn't like what I liked or did.

[Nicolas]

Ah, Unfortunately, Moose season's over for a while, I'm afraid, and I've got a tag on my ear these days. ( :D )

[Edit: Ha! Simuliposted!]

Are you a moosiegirl? I always thought of you as a moosyboy. Or do you think Nicolas is a girl's name? :shifty:

Or did you feel less spoken to than I interpreted your response? :D

[Moose]

Neither. I'm a Bull Moose from the Wiseguy genus. :D Your post simply led in to an obvious joke that was simply too good for me to pass up.

[Nicolas]

Oh no! It's an I'm-the-funniest-moose-in-the-forest moose, cover your ears!! ;) :D

It was a good one, especially the ear tag metaphore :).

[chrissy]

As I said, how about handsome and good versus homely and good?

That, I couldn't really comment on, but a lot would say all of them attributes would be a great find, but that would be in a perfect world. :hand:
The guy would need a very good sense of humour too. :D

[Nicolas]

Well, I hinted at me being beautiful. If you see that as humour, I score points. If you don't see that as humour, I still score points.

Wheeeee! :D

[Spock Jenkins]

Not sure how I'd take it if my wife were on a board telling everyone that I'm a great guy, but not very attractive.

Uh, thanks for the compliment, dear?

[Nicolas]

and if she told you she wouldn't trade you for the most beautiful man on the planet? Or in other words, it's all about how you play the song ;).

But I get your point.

Now I don't have anyone, so I'm free to tell the whole world how pretty or ugly nobody at all is :D

[Moose]

You want to play for bonus Blarney points, you ask "how can I possibly trade you/her for the most beautiful woman in the planet, when I'd end up with exactly the same person? Is it still a trade when nothing happens?" :D

[chrissy]

Well, I hinted at me being beautiful. If you see that as humour, I score points. If you don't see that as humour, I still score points.

Wheeeee! :D

Nicolas 1 - 0 chrissy

Beauty is only skin deep as the saying goes.

[Nicolas]

@Moose: no, that triggers the eye thing. It's never a point when she does the eye thing.

@Chrissy: how sweet of you to give me the point without a fight. Sweet is very ok in my book. Worth at least 1 point as well! (with this kind of scoring system, we may have to switch to scientific notation quite soon ;) )

[Moose]

@Moose: no, that triggers the eye thing. It's never a point when she does the eye thing.

Hehehe. Yeah, I get that look a lot.

[chrissy]

@Moose: no, that triggers the eye thing. It's never a point when she does the eye thing.

@Chrissy: how sweet of you to give me the point without a fight. Sweet is very ok in my book. Worth at least 1 point as well! (with this kind of scoring system, we may have to switch to scientific notation quite soon ;) )

I don't like to fight unless it is necessary.

Nicolas 1 - 1 chrissy :D

Will be ready for the scientific notation when we reach that point. ;)

[Nicolas]

I truly detest fights. Nicolas 1-2 Chrissy :D (is there a phonetically encoded hidden meaning in that score? ;))

Seriously though. Some people seem to like arguments. I don't, at all. Sure I appreciate honesty, being able to express your opinion, discuss opinions etc, but arguments or fights...the last thing I want.

I'm off to bed now, it's really late, I've got a long drive ahead tomorrow (Zeebrugge, that's already halfway to your place ;) :D) and I wouldn't want Pythonesque scenes on this board, such as a Moose shouting "get a room"...

[closetgeek]

Never said I couldn't...

GET A ROOM!

[chrissy]

Ah! but you would have to get on the Ferry, not stay in Zeebrugge.

Detests fights = 1 point. :p

Nicolas 2 - 2 chrissy.

No code in the scoring.

I think Moose will be looking for a monty python sketch right now.

Good night Nicolas, drive safe.

[chrissy]

I have plenty of rooms in my house. ;)

Thanks CG.

[Moose]

And now, for something completely different (http://cgi.fark.com/cgi/fark/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=3999702). :D

[Nicolas]

@closetgeek: I knew I shouldn't have checked in again before shutting the PC down. :D
But you're free to shout indeed. After all, a speaking closet is not as much pythoneque as disneyesque.

@chrissy: I knew I should have checked in again before shutting the PC down. :D

[chrissy]

Welcome back Nicolas, and see you soon.


Moose I can always rely on you to add something different. :p

[Moose]

I certainly try to be dependable. :D

[chrissy]

That was totally "off side ref".

[Whirlpool]

I can't view your link Moose , what is it ?

[Moose]

It's a skit with John Cleese explaining the offside rule in soccer/football. It sort of plays like the Prince Herbert skit in Holy Grail. Lots of corrections.

[Whirlpool]

Oh. Thanks for the info.

[Moose]

Sure thing. :)

[closetgeek]

@closetgeek: I knew I shouldn't have checked in again before shutting the PC down. :D
But you're free to shout indeed. After all, a speaking closet is not as much pythoneque as disneyesque.

@chrissy: I knew I should have checked in again before shutting the PC down. :D

Let me see, how do I explain this. Sort of the way people commonly refer to Jahova's Witness; a Jahova as they are not god, they are a witness to god. I am not a closet that has a slightly more than past time interest in science, and am a geek (more like geek wanna-be) that keeps my interest secret, thereby living in the closet.

[chrissy]

So Nicolas, have you found your miss right yet?


CG, don't pull yourself down. Your as good as many. :D

[Nicolas]

No. Don't know actually, I'm quite confused in the romance department at the moment. I don't have a miss right at the moment, that's sure. But I'm totally confused as to whether I have found a suitable candidate now, and whether others are/were suitable candidates or not...

I know one thing for sure: I could use stability and love to share (both ways), a good woman to join me in the couch just to say or do nothing at all except for being happy to be together, someone I'm willing to stay with and who is willing to stay with me. The past year has been pure horror, and these dating things that followed said horror do more for confusion than for stability. But of course, without dating I'll never find the woman I'm looking for.

[PraedSt]

Oh nooo... :( What happened Nicolas?

[Nicolas]

After all these years, Ms Right 1 turned out to be Ms Wrong in a very ugly and long way. No kids involved is the only positive thing (that and me by some miracle still being about as sane or insane as I used to be), for the rest you can apply all the clichés.

At least I know who's not the right one for me, and why I go to work...And I'm not too old yet, so there's still quite some choice :).

So, now you know why I didn't post a lot in the last year or so (from about when the boards merged). I've got more BAUT secrets, but the others are fun ones :).

And thank my company for giving us work laptops, otherwise I would be unable to post. I don't have a PC anymore, and that will stay this way for quite some time...

[chrissy]

No. Don't know actually, I'm quite confused in the romance department at the moment. I don't have a miss right at the moment, that's sure. But I'm totally confused as to whether I have found a suitable candidate now, and whether others are/were suitable candidates or not...

*sensible mode*

I will try and understand this right, you have a girlfriend? y/n?
How can you not be sure if you have found a suitable "candidate" :p does she make you smile when you think about her and keep you smiling for longer than an hour?
Thinking back on previous relationships, if they had failed for a reason then use that reason from that failure to not make the same mistake again. Try to peice together what each partner you had and liked about them to try and find a near match.

[PraedSt]

*struggling not to make a joke about Chrissy being available*

[Nicolas]

@Chrissy: I had only one partner, for years, and "she's gone quite mad" is a reason undetectable until the point where the insanity strikes. Well, insanity... yes. Partially, insanity. Partially went completely out of touch with her feelings. And with expressing them, except for shouting and cursing. Became totally unstable. Started to hate me while she believed she still loved me (but did not act according to loving me). Lied. Cheated. Humiliated me. She never did this in the first years. This 180° turn can be described as a form of insanity. Stress-inflicted? I don't know, maybe. But she definately "lost it" and I think only professional help will get her back on track. Anyway, the worst thing is that you cannot detect it beforehand. It's not like someone who's selfish, you can get hints of that from day 1.

I don't have a girlfriend atm. I've dated some girls. The one whom I least expected it from, I felt really good with (I was at ease with her, could express my opinion, things that I find hard with someone new), and she appreciates me too (don't know whether it's more than that or not, not from her side and not for myself. Confused. She's totally different from what I had in mind.) But as said, I'm confused. I think we'd have to see each other more, get to know each other better, to start understanding whether we really like each other or not. When you have a crush on (on, right?) someone, your feelings are quite obvious. When you don't like someone, quite obvious as well. But atm I simply don't know whether she doesn't "do" anything to me, or whether I adore her, or a bit of both, nor which way it will evolve. Partially that's because she's not a one-dimensional person. Which is something I like, it makes people interesting. As long as they're stable :).

monologue over.

[Nicolas]

*struggling not to make a joke about Chrissy being available*

Chrissy is available? thanks for confusing me even more. :doh::shifty:;)

And you could have told me a few hours earlier, when I was just a healthy swim away from the UK. :D

[Moose]

*amused by the thought of the probable look on your face, PraedSt, if it turns out she's not. ;) *

[PraedSt]

You know, I have absolutely no idea... :)

[Nicolas]

hey Moose, you've got your ear tagged, remember? Stay low. :D

[Nicolas]

You know, I have absolutely no idea... :)

I remember some things that make me assume, with a large degree of certainty, that's she's not available.

Quick! Take a pic of the look on your face! :D

[Moose]

*grin* Always, Nicolas, always.

[Nicolas]

btw, it's ok to be dominated by your Mrs Moose like that. I've seen ladymoose. It's domination or death. You made a wise decision by always staying low, being the good moose hubby. The only unfaithful moose bulls I've seen were dead moose, mysteriously catapulted halfway through tree trunks. :D

[chrissy]

So I will remain deep then! :D

@ Nicolas, then spend more time with her take things slowly, if she is the one you both will know it. If she isn't normally the type you go for, even better. It is like eating a food you have never tried and decide you like it and wonder why you never had it a long time ago.

You would of ended up in A&E if you swam the channel. :p

[Nicolas]

You would of ended up in A&E if you swam the channel.

And you would have visited me there (assuming I could have postponed the first heart attack until I was just over halfway the Channel ;)). I know every trick in the book, including the strategically timed near-fatality. :D

But seriously, I am planning on spending more time with her, the only way to sort out this confusion. She's certainly "different". I'm curious whether she'd turn out to be a tender, loving woman, because that's something you only get to experience when you know someone a bit. Yet something VERY important for me. We do take things slow. Contact is mainly by msn, and often we don't speak to each other for multiple days in a row. We're both quite busy. But I like that gentle, unbounded way of talking to each other. We don't HAVE to chat every evening.

[chrissy]

Probably would have visited you. Then kicked your butt for swimming, when there are perfectly good ferries floating around that are a lot warmer and drier. :D

[Nicolas]

And I'd have no excuses at all, given that I am a sailor by profession. :)

Anyway, future will bring what it brings and I'll find out in due time.

[chrissy]

We live and learn on a daily basis. :)

[Nicolas]

Indeed. The fact that it's all a bit new to her doesn't make her too open about her feelings to me (I assume that is until the point she's sure about her feelings, either way). Of course it's a good sign if she is protective about her heart, as that hopefully indicates she has a lot of respect and is a gentle person. Of course, in my case it sometimes makes uncertainty strike, I'd start thinking she isn't really interested in me. But the weekend will hopefully learn the both of us a lot more about how interested we are. :)

As for not chatting too much: I started feeling it was going towards "chatting very little indeed", but thankfully I just got an sms (there's a great joke on that in Belgium, but that's another story) telling me her PC went kaboom.

so far this broadcast from Mr Confident. Sigh. :)

[chrissy]

She doesn't want to get hurt and is protecting herself and you at the same time. :) a good sign Nicolas.

It sounds to me that you trying not to get your hopes up and at the same time you have fallen for her .

I hope your weekend works out for you both.

[Nicolas]

You may be right. Sometimes I wonder whether it should be ok if I'd give her a big hug when I see her, because I sometimes long to hugging her. Other times, I wonder whether I'd still like her at all if I see her again. And as we don't know each other too well yet, especially on the "how sweet is she actually" front, I don't know yet whether she's worthy of my hugs :).

Time will tell. At least I already know she's smart and has a good sense of humour, and we share some interests.

[chrissy]

Just give her a hug, if she holds you and stays there ;) she wanted it.

Don't keep sowing the seeds of doubt in your mind, it will confuse you more and it is bad for you both.

Like I said before, it is obvious you have feelings for her and if your flame is ignited when you meet, go with the flow. But don't rush into it head long with an quick engagement because you don't want to be left on the shelf either attitude.
Getting to know you and learn more about you is the best, as you don't want to have a replay of your first disaster.
Meet her friends, they are a good indication of who she is too and the length of time they have known here. ;)

[PraedSt]

This thread has turned into Dr Phil. :)

[Nicolas]

OK, let's start about another aspect of relationships going ugly then, if you prefer Judge Judy. :D :D ;)

[Moose]

OK, let's start about another aspect of relationships going ugly then, if you prefer Judge Judy. :D :D ;)

Hmm. We'll need someone to scream at us and generally carry on cranky, then. Do we still get a share of 5000 bucks for appearing in this thread?

[Nicolas]

Yes. I want to be the overweight officer. I practiced in stepping one step forward and looking firm whenever voices are raised.

[chrissy]

This thread has turned into Dr Phil. :)

If it helps someone Praedst! But I refuse to change my sex just for the title role. :p

[Nicolas]

Veto! :D

[Moose]

But I refuse to change my sex just for the title role. :p

Good. :D You fight The Power, Chrissy. Hehehe.

[chrissy]

Right who's next? :)

[LotusExcelle]

Not me. I'm in a great relationship.

[chrissy]

That's good to hear LE.

[The_Radiation_Specialist]

My girlfriend likes to be cuddled 24/7 . I enjoy cuddling too but sometimes I feel like I need some space and it can make my arm numb. What is it with girls and the need to be cuddled so much?

[chrissy]

A lot of it is a feeling of security. :)
There are many out there who just love physical contact, be lucky in having that as there are some women and men who just do it as a quick gesture and move away as quickly.
If it makes your arm numb (as I am gathering when your sat on the couch) suggest her to lay her head on your lap or vice versa.

[Doodler]

A lot of it is a feeling of security.
Yup, discovering this one for myself. Of course, we only get a little time together when one of us can spare time to travel, so its understandable. 1100 miles is a bit painful.

[Moose]

TRS, xkcd's (http://www.xkcd.com/335/) got your back.

[chrissy]

Yup, discovering this one for myself. Of course, we only get a little time together when one of us can spare time to travel, so its understandable. 1100 miles is a bit painful.

Understood.
But you make the most of your time together, that in itself is priceless.







*Don't forget my invite when you two decide to tie the knot* :p

[chrissy]

TRS, xkcd's (http://www.xkcd.com/335/) got your back.

I want one of them!

[ravens_cry]

Instead of 'make love, not war', in xkcd's case it is 'make love AND war.' :p

[chrissy]

I think more damage to the game, when the other is taking place. :p

[The_Radiation_Specialist]

TRS, xkcd's (http://www.xkcd.com/335/) got your back.

ah xkcd - always one step ahead.

[Nicolas]

My girlfriend likes to be cuddled 24/7 . I enjoy cuddling too but sometimes I feel like I need some space and it can make my arm numb. What is it with girls and the need to be cuddled so much?

You should be happy. When they don't want to be cuddled anymore, you'd feel awful.

Please show me the way to girls that want to be cuddled 24/7

[The_Radiation_Specialist]

You should be happy. When they don't want to be cuddled anymore, you'd feel awful.

Please show me the way to girls that want to be cuddled 24/7

I am happy, it gives me the warm and fuzzy feeling which is awesome. I think all girls like a good hug in a random situation (even if you are just friends). Wrap your arms slowly but not weakly. etc

[Nicolas]

Not all girls...

There are women who get mad when you hold the door for them. If you'd hug them, as if they could use some caring, love or protection, I think they'd kill you.

edit: that sounded way more bitter than it was intended to. I know there are women who love to be cuddled a lot, I simply meant that not all women are like that. I'm a cuddler, so you know which type I'm looking for :).

[crosscountry]

Not all girls...

There are women who get mad when you hold the door for them. If you'd hug them, as if they could use some caring, love or protection, I think they'd kill you.

edit: that sounded way more bitter than it was intended to. I know there are women who love to be cuddled a lot, I simply meant that not all women are like that. I'm a cuddler, so you know which type I'm looking for :).

Man, I dated a serious feminist (and former lesbian and Smith College attendee) earlier this year. She did not like me opening the door for her. I'm from the south, and that's what you do - especially since I don't have automatic locks on my truck doors.:lol:

Anyway, we're not dating anymore. Turns out we wanted different things from life. She did like to cuddle however. It was more of a basic need than like/dislike.





Answer me this (since I'm talking about her): how do you put up with a girl that cries all the time? And I mean daily! At some point I ran out of "it's going to be okay" and just stopped saying anything. She'd want a hug and someone to listen. I'm fine with that, but this was too much and too often.

[closetgeek]

Not all girls...

There are women who get mad when you hold the door for them. If you'd hug them, as if they could use some caring, love or protection, I think they'd kill you.

edit: that sounded way more bitter than it was intended to. I know there are women who love to be cuddled a lot, I simply meant that not all women are like that. I'm a cuddler, so you know which type I'm looking for :).

You know what's funny? I used to be that type. I used to get annoyed when a gentleman showed me any form of chivalry. I moved to the South where, should I hold a door for the man, no matter how long I stand there, he won't go in, for the most part. I have since grown to like it. It's unfortunate for the husband, me changing the rules so far into the game but hey, it's my right, as a woman.

Man, I dated a serious feminist (and former lesbian and Smith College attendee) earlier this year

Now that's something to brag about, Crosscountry. Did you have anything to do with the crossover?

Answer me this (since I'm talking about her): how do you put up with a girl that cries all the time? And I mean daily! At some point I ran out of "it's going to be okay" and just stopped saying anything. She'd want a hug and someone to listen. I'm fine with that, but this was too much and too often.

As strong as she liked to be, there was a part of her that probably wanted to be the type of girl that felt safe in your arms. She may have wanted to feel like you were saving her but didn't quite know what you were saving her from.

[Jeff Root]

She may have wanted to feel like you were saving her but didn't
quite know what you were saving her from.
That's as profound an observation on life as any I've ever seen.

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis

[closetgeek]

That's as profound an observation on life as any I've ever seen.

-- Jeff, in Minneapolis

Thank you. I only think it because at one point, I knew that roll well.:whistle:

[chrissy]

Answer me this (since I'm talking about her): how do you put up with a girl that cries all the time? And I mean daily! At some point I ran out of "it's going to be okay" and just stopped saying anything. She'd want a hug and someone to listen. I'm fine with that, but this was too much and too often
CG could be right in her reply, but also CC did you ever ask her why she was crying? There could be a deep routed depression or something she wanted to tell you and her crying could have been the only way she could think of to try and get you to help her talk about it. :)
Some people just don't want to start a conversation from something that is painful to talk about, but want you to know. :(

[Nicolas]

Giving a hug every day or more is no problem for me, supporting someone who's crying neither (<= Gillian, have you noticed? I learn! :D), but if someone's crying every day without clear reason, and I really couldn't get the reason out of her mouth, I'd advice her serious councelling before I'd need it as well...

[chrissy]

I think so too Nicolas and I think CC knows it also. :)

[PraedSt]

This has turned into a 'what do women want?' thread.

Someone PM me when the answer comes out please :)

[Nicolas]

OK, we've found it! Good news! Forget the good looks, muscles, money and kitchen qualities. Forget being good with kids. Forget being attentive or romantic. Forget being smart, witty or funny. Turns out women really want men with easily misspelled names and about 4 years of BAUT experience. Simple as that!

[PraedSt]

You mean I have 4 years to go? :(

[PraedSt]

And kitchen qualities? Kitchen qualities? :)

[Nicolas]

You don't need them! Don't worry! Gone are the days where "I can heat up a pizza" needed to be presented as "yeah, I can do quite some cooking, I'm so new man, you can't imagine". The only thing you need is, well, basically, being me. ;) :D

[crosscountry]

You know what's funny? I used to be that type. I used to get annoyed when a gentleman showed me any form of chivalry. I moved to the South where, should I hold a door for the man, no matter how long I stand there, he won't go in, for the most part. I have since grown to like it. It's unfortunate for the husband, me changing the rules so far into the game but hey, it's my right, as a woman.



Now that's something to brag about, Crosscountry. Did you have anything to do with the crossover?



As strong as she liked to be, there was a part of her that probably wanted to be the type of girl that felt safe in your arms. She may have wanted to feel like you were saving her but didn't quite know what you were saving her from.


Well, her life changed a lot when she moved to Texas from Massachusetts. From attending an all girls (Wymon's*) school to a big state university she had more options. She never called herself a lesbian but had dated only women before (said she didn't care the gender of her boy/girlfriend but wasn't bi either). Now you can see what made it so difficult. Next time I'll avoid girls like that.

She did want to be strong but in reality she broke down with even a little bit of adversity or disappointment.



* I put this in parentheses because the students at her school are typically so feminist that they don't even like the "men" in Women.

I don't want to make it sound like it was all bad. She is very nice and we are still friends - just had different ways of looking at and doing things.

[LotusExcelle]

Adam's (that's me) Rules about Women:

They are complicated.

Adam's Rules about Men:

When you think of a man... picture a brick.

These two rules will aid in all forms of communication and relationship issues. Ladies: it is especially important that you really do picture a brick in concern to guys. Do away with all subtlety.

[Nicolas]

They certainly are complicated. And in the best case, you have the manual of a slightly different model...

Men are easy. If we love you, we love you. If you make us warm apple pie and give a big hug, we're happy. No exceptions. ;) :D

[LotusExcelle]

I don't like apple pie.

[closetgeek]

Well your first mistake is assuming that there is some international conference where all women gather and decide a universal code. Ask anyone what it is they want and they will have to think for a minute before they answer, if they can answer. Ask the same person, man or woman, a month later and you will probably get a different answer. No one knows what they want until they don't have it.

You want advice? The best I can say is for starters, just because you don't understand or agree with her reaction, it does not make her "crazy". She, just like you, takes every situation and applies past experience. Don't analyze her, learn her.
And for goodness sake, forget the "what women want" theories because it insults all of us. It reduces us all to one stereotype.

[PraedSt]

We love you really! :)

[closetgeek]

Now this is getting warm and fuzzy. Our next session is going to be about trust and working together towards a goal. I want you all to break off into groups of two...

[PraedSt]

I feel I must warn you; I'm no good at dancing :)

[closetgeek]

Tell you what! I would rather just sit at the bar and make fun of all the other lousy dancers, anyway, so you can be my partner.

P.S. I actually enjoy seeing people cut loose and have a good time. Far be it for me to mock anyway since I have all the rhythm and grace as one of those wacky balls with the raccoon tail.

[PraedSt]

Tell you what! I would rather just sit at the bar and make fun of all the other lousy dancers, anyway, so you can be my partner.

P.S. I actually enjoy seeing people cut loose and have a good time. Far be it for me to mock anyway since I have all the rhythm and grace as one of those wacky balls with the raccoon tail.

Heh. I'd forgotten about those. They're funny. But they have rhythm! Grace...not so much.

Anyway, it's a date: if, and only if, I'm allowed to hold doors open, buy drinks, etc, etc.. :)

[crosscountry]

No one thinks all women are the same. This becomes apparent when you break up with someone and start a new relationship. Girls don't all want the same things.

[Nicolas]

I don't like apple pie.

*sigh* :lol:

[Abbadon_2008]

Cuddling is good. One of the upsides of havng love handles is the distinctive, warm, cuddly teddy bear shape that keeps women folk warm at night.

[Whirlpool]

Well your first mistake is assuming that there is some international conference where all women gather and decide a universal code. Ask anyone what it is they want and they will have to think for a minute before they answer, if they can answer. Ask the same person, man or woman, a month later and you will probably get a different answer. No one knows what they want until they don't have it.

You want advice? The best I can say is for starters, just because you don't understand or agree with her reaction, it does not make her "crazy". She, just like you, takes every situation and applies past experience. Don't analyze her, learn her.And for goodness sake, forget the "what women want" theories because it insults all of us. It reduces us all to one stereotype.

You got it right CG.