Great moments in the war on terror

[Diamond]

Relax Phil, this is mild. :roll:

I have just had to make the following declaration:

Dutch: "Wordt het product/worden de producten gebruikt in verband met massavernietigingswapens, dat wil zeggen, in nucleaire toepassingen, rakettechnologie of voor chemische of biologische wapens?"

English translation: "Will this product or products be used in connection with weapons of mass destruction, that means, in nuclear situations, rocket technology or for chemical or biologicals weapons?"

I answered No

The world is a safer place now that I've declared that my leather laptop case will not be used for terror purposes. :roll:

[Normandy6644]

Hey, at least you're honest. 8-[

[Sparks]

I answered No
Oh you big fibber!
:evil: :D :evil:

[Lurker]

I must confess here and now....

Yes I did use my company laptop to tell a Persian graduate student in physics that she was beautiful. Further I used the same laptop to flirt with her and gain her romantic attention.

Now the US government has siezed the laptop on which I committed these terrible acts and is investigating me.

What can I say Diamond...

[gethen]

I must confess here and now....

Yes I did use my company laptop to tell a Persian graduate student in physics that she was beautiful. Further I used the same laptop to flirt with her and gain her romantic attention.

Now the US government has siezed the laptop on which I committed these terrible acts and is investigating me.

What can I say Diamond...
Are you serious, Lurker? Because if it's true the Persian graduate student must be very flattered. What are they gonna charge you with, aggravated flirting? Ogling without a license? International drooling? :roll: The course of true love is often rocky. Good luck.

[Tito_Muerte]

that's nothing..... I had to brake the 1/2 inch nail file off my nail clippers........ who knows the harm I could have done with that thing.

[Lurker]

Um.... I was out of it for most of my life because of my condition... So now that I have been successfully treated I am beginning to look around...

Am I correct in drawing the conclusion that in reality is basically a really bad Monty Python sketch?? :o

Edited to add:

are they gonna charge you with, aggravated flirting? Ogling without a license? International drooling?
Naaaa.... I think its more undermining the basis of civilivation as we know it... 8) <-- one bad boy!!

[space cadet]

*dies laughing*

[Lurker]

*dies laughing*
We are talking national security here young lady!! Would you like to tell the rest of the class what you find so amusing!! [-(
;)

[space cadet]

*huge breath*

I can't, I'm dead!

*dies again*

[NASA Fan]

that's nothing..... I had to brake the 1/2 inch nail file off my nail clippers........ who knows the harm I could have done with that thing.

Before our guest can leave our facility and enter JSC property they have to go through a metal dectctor operated by JSC security. Some of them are more zealous than other, and in the past some of them have confiscated nail clippers--which the guest can pick up when they return. We all wonder, what do these guards think the guest are going to do? Give the driver a pedicure? Or threaten someone " if you don't take me to Mission Control, I will clip your nails!"

[Spacewriter]

that's nothing..... I had to brake the 1/2 inch nail file off my nail clippers........ who knows the harm I could have done with that thing.

Before our guest can leave our facility and enter JSC property they have to go through a metal dectctor operated by JSC security. Some of them are more zealous than other, and in the past some of them have confiscated nail clippers--which the guest can pick up when they return. We all wonder, what do these guards think the guest are going to do? Give the driver a pedicure? Or threaten someone " if you don't take me to Mission Control, I will clip your nails!"

I once had my feet searched by a security guard at the Air and Space Museum. I was wearing sandals. He made me take them off. Personally I think he had a foot fetish.

But I didn't say anything, just wiggled my toes at him and he let me in. I didn't want to be charged with wielding toenails of mass destruction.

[gethen]

Well, the obvious question is, just exactly how long are your toenails? long enough to qualify as weapons?

[FP]

There have been times when removing my shoes would make me guilty of releasing toxoc gases! :wink:

[Tito_Muerte]

my karate sensai once said I didn't need to show up to class, since my toe-nails were all the self defence I needed. :oops:




speaking of which, I dare someone to mention to a nail clipper seizing security guard that you're a martial arts master..... I'm curious, do they make you rip your own arms off?

[Jpax2003]

What's next, underwire bras? Them's dangerous.

But seriously, has anyone ever had their keys confiscated? They're more dangerous than a nail file.

[Reacher]

My grandmother lives in a nice little place where there's a large grounds with houses for the elderly. It's not a nursing home, the houses are just built for greater convenienct to the elderly. Anyways, the woman a few doors down apparently broke an intruders nose by punching him with a hand that had steel replacement knuckles. This is a little old lady we're talking about.

What are they gonna do in that situation? Could be quite interesting.

Would they make you cut exessively long fingernails/toenails?

How the hell is Wolverine going to leave the country?

[Kizarvexis]

How the hell is Wolverine going to leave the country?

Via the X-Men's specially modified VTOL SR-71 Blackbird. :)

Kizarvexis
(the comic version and not the movie version0

[Diamond]

I always regard it as completely stupid, and an invasion of my civil liberties for the US gubmint to know who I am, where I live, my telephone number AND the fact that I have ordered (but not yet received) a leather laptop carrying case that will not be used to produce weapons of mass destruction. (Which begs the question of how you use a leather laptop case to produce a chemical rocket...is it on Google?) If I'd have answered "yes" would I have been dragged to Gitmo until I confessed to using leather laptop cases to help Al Qaeda?

I mean, every time I go to the US I have to certify that I did not participate in Nazi atrocities prior to and during the Second World War. Now who the heck is going to say "Yes" to that one? :roll:

It's ridiculous and over the top and I hope there's a future President with enough sense to stop this stupidity (I'm not confident that your current one can see this)

[Wally]

a couple years ago, to too long after 9/11, I was behind a lady going thru security. The guard opened her carry-on, pulled out a large bundle and unrolled it. Inside? A complete cutlery (sp) set! We're talking the butcher knife, 8 steak knifes, paring knife, etc. etc. It was a gift, apparently. . . The guards actually laughed as they informed this lady these items definitely couldn't be taken on the plane. Wally

[NASA Fan]

See, that is reasonable, taking away steak knives.

If you really want to hurt someone, you can do a lot of damage with things that are perfectly acceptable to bring with you.

Pens--can be jammed into eye sockets, throats and other soft spots on the body.
Spiked heels--see above.

Now obviously you have to be able to produce a great deal of force to do damage in some of those places, and be mean or twisted to hit other places--assuming that you are not defending yourself against an attacker.

I am sure that there are others.

[Sparks]

What's next, underwire bras? Them's dangerous.
Don't laugh, but there were some car crashes a few years ago that were directly linked to the "Hello Boys" ad campaign for Wonderbra. Apparently, on driving past a 20' tall billboard of a pretty girl with no shirt, several middle-aged male drivers were, um, distracted from the business at hand - namely not driving into the car in front, which had slowed down for a better look at the billboard....

#-o

[Lurker]

I mean, every time I go to the US I have to certify that I did not participate in Nazi atrocities prior to and during the Second World War. Now who the heck is going to say "Yes" to that one? :roll:

It's ridiculous and over the top and I hope there's a future President with enough sense to stop this stupidity (I'm not confident that your current one can see this)

um... well the first case, anyone under about 60-70 years old couldn't possibly be telling the truth.

In the second statement, you show a bit of doubt. What gives you the slightest hope that he could have that much sense?? :o

[SciFi Chick]

Well, at least they finally removed all the razor blades from the lavatories. I mean, hello. Seinfeld summed that up pretty well when he asked, "Who is shaving on a flight so much that he uses up his razor and needs a new one?" :lol:

[Spacewriter]

Well now they're starting to "pump up" underwire bras with oil-filled inserts. (I don't make this stuff up folks.) I don't have any data on how much of a security risk they are though...

As for my toenails (as an earlier poster wondered) at the time they were NOT classified as weapons, although upon occasion I suppose they could be. I think the guard just wanted to see the flaming magenta nail polish I had on my toes. (Hey, every once in a while I want to live dangerously... )

;)

[Stuart]

I mean, every time I go to the US I have to certify that I did not participate in Nazi atrocities prior to and during the Second World War. Now who the heck is going to say "Yes" to that one?

It isn't quite as schtoopid as it sounds, nor is the one "Do you plan to overthrow the Government of the United States by force". which sounds equally ludicrous.

The key is that, by and large, the authorities know who they are looking for before you fill that form in. If, for example, they have reason to believe that you are planning to overthrow the Government of the United States by force and you answer that question "No", they have legitimate grounds to hold you (lying on an official document) while "extracting" your confession. The same applies to the Nazi question - if you are suspected of being involved in nazi atrocities, the authorities know you and want to detain you long before you answer "No" to that question. Once again, the moment you do that, you've lied on an official form and can be taken into custody.

Its an inventive way of creating a holding charge for somebody before you hit them with the real thing.

[SiriMurthy]

... in nuclear situations, rocket technology or ..."


You mean nucular? :lol:

[Diamond]

... in nuclear situations, rocket technology or ..."


You mean nucular? :lol:

Somebody does. :roll:

[SAMU]

This is no laughing matter people. Have you ever seen the kind of damage that can be done with a banana? In the hands of a trained person? It isn't pretty I can tell you.

[Tito_Muerte]

alright spacewriter...... um, this is where a quick gender check would be nice...


(altough, hey, not too judge..... I'm in Canada so we're perfectly accepting of...well, if you're doing the toal nail polish thing and..... uh, you're not a female)....



(and I hear Mass. is ok with it now too!).... (avoid ohio)

[Lurker]

This is no laughing matter people. Have you ever seen the kind of damage that can be done with a banana? In the hands of a trained person? It isn't pretty I can tell you.
According to Eric Idle this is an urban myth... you have to use a pointed stick... [-(

[Maksutov]

Well now they're starting to "pump up" underwire bras with oil-filled inserts. (I don't make this stuff up folks.) I don't have any data on how much of a security risk they are though... [edit]
;)

Ah, another reason to guarantee the security of Middle Eastern oil reserves! :wink:

[Diamond]

alright spacewriter...... um, this is where a quick gender check would be nice...


(altough, hey, not too judge..... I'm in Canada so we're perfectly accepting of...well, if you're doing the toal nail polish thing and..... uh, you're not a female)....



(and I hear Mass. is ok with it now too!).... (avoid ohio)

I think I can confirm that spacewriter is from the "opposite number" 8)

[Iain Lambert]

Personally, I'm more concerned with how they do all this security checking and conviscation, and then discover that there is a Victorinox franchise in the Duty Free lounge. I mean, wha?

[sarongsong]

Where did this guy (http://www.washtimes.com/national/20041229-113041-1647r.htm) go wrong?
"...John A. Shaw, the deputy undersecretary of defense for international technology security...was forced to leave his position Dec. 10 as the result of a "reorganization" that eliminated his job...he had received foreign intelligence data showing that Russian special forces units were involved in an effort to remove Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction in the weeks before the U.S.-led invasion..."

[sidmel]

Ahh, toenails. In fact mine might be considered a deadly weapon. After an unfortunate home repair, one of my toe nails was left deformed and half of it grows nearly straight up. Now there are a number of running jokes in my family concerning my "Dagger Toe". One goes something like this:

Cross my heart,
Hope to die,
Stick a dagger toe
In my eye.

:-?


***Edited for sp.

[Wally]

Where did this guy (http://www.washtimes.com/national/20041229-113041-1647r.htm) go wrong?
"...John A. Shaw, the deputy undersecretary of defense for international technology security...was forced to leave his position Dec. 10 as the result of a "reorganization" that eliminated his job...he had received foreign intelligence data showing that Russian special forces units were involved in an effort to remove Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction in the weeks before the U.S.-led invasion..."

apparently, here:

Mr. DiRita called Mr. Shaw's charges "absurd and without any foundation."
"He has been directed on several occasions to produce evidence of his wide-ranging and fantastic charges and provide it to the DoD inspector general," Mr. DiRita said in an interview. "To my knowledge, he has not done so."