OK, I don't know what I am doing wrong, but I can't seem to figure this thing out.

I can see the moon (craters, etc) but when I look at anything else, such as planets or stars, I simply see a white round hazy blur. If I turn the knob to try to focus it, I can either look at a tiny white brignt clear speck, or a large dim hazy round blur. During the transition, it just goes from a small bright dot to a blur. I can't see any features or colors. I have tried with stars, with Mars, with Venus, with Jupiter, and with Saturn. All of them apprae exactly the same... crappy.

I know it's not the best telescope on the market, but I figured I should be able to at least see something with it. Mars looks better with the naked eye than it does with this thing.

Am I doing soemthing wrong here? What would cause everything to look like a large hazy blur?

We need more information: what kind of telescope? what power of eyepiece are you using?

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Refractor or reflector? In need of collimation?

Sounds to me like you've managed to focus on a star. All stars will always appear as nothing more than tiny points of light in any scope due to their distance from us.

Planet-wise, you'll definitely know when you get Jupiter or Saturn in your field of view. Are you sure you're pointing at them and not just another star???

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. . . My moustache is touching my brain!!!!

It sounds like your finder may be misaligned and you're not getting the planet in the field of view. Have you checked this? It's easiest to do this in the daytime - point your scope at something on the horizon, then adjust the screws on your finder until the object is centred in both the scope and the finder.