<shoves the stick down into the mud out of sight>

Don't disrupt the reading!

Yeah...it wouldn't have been quite the same in BABBling...ie. Jay's first post where he is trying to decide "how" to take the OP.

I'm glad to see that you agree with the point I was making.

I wasn't exactly sure where I was going with this and because of well lets say an irreverent sense of humour that gets me into hot water literally it really is a good time to ease back on this. Dave Allen might have gotten away with my next idea but I don't think I should risk it.

I hope you enjoyed my attempt a humour but if it ever does become a book I will try to pick a good ending, cheers

It was fun, I gave it my best and now Jay's other post:-

Mostly, but the paper towel bit and training the mind to perceive ever so slightly differently, that was real but no conspiracy.

Censorship!!

You just can't stand the truth.

The did it to Galileo too.

We have presented truths so blindinly obvious that only those with willful blinders on thier minds could deny them.

I have won the game so I will now take my ball and go home.


(Ok that's my last then. Just had to get in the proper ending statements. The scary thing is that this is so easy to do, 'cept for the hangover.)

What on (or off) Earth are you on and where can I get some?

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We all know those Venusians: Doing their hair in shock waves, smoking electrical coronas, wearing Van Allen belts and resting their tiny elbows on a Geiger counter...

John Sladek, The New Apocrypha, pg 34.

You know that is not the first time I have been asked that strangely enough. Apparently a wicked sense of humour and too much time on ones hands leads one to mischief. Besides Finishing it up with a long range mining ship 'The Proxima Centauri' is hardly grounds for a good conspiracy theory although I could work on it a bit

FWIW, I was really enjoying the thread, regardless of RAF's moderation Thanks for the laughs

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"I have this theory that the Apollo missions were faked when NASA found out that general relativity was wrong because the Earth was expanding due to the Sun's iron core being influenced by magnetic waves from the electric universe after being perturbed by Planet X and thereby causing global warming. Where should I start a thread about this?" ~ ToSeek

"Those are the people that wonder how a thermos knows whether to keep something hot or keep something cold." ~ NeoWatcher

You are right Neverfly it would be unfair of me not to say how it ends as it wont ever become a book, so here it is:-

It would be wrong not to finish a story some two thousand years in the future for events that can't be questioned yet so this is about the mining ship the 'Proxima Centauri' :-

The war is going well for both the Empire and Rebel Alliance but for everyone else it is business as usual. None more so than for mining consortium Centauri Enterprises. This last little bit takes place on board the flag ship (and only ship) of the line Centauri. As mining vessels go It a 'J' class old style di-lithium drive well appointed but not extravagant.

Totally unrelated to a minor maintenance operation the first ever trip through an inter-dimensional rift occurs. A trip the wrong way through time occurs to a point some ten thousand years in their past. Two things, one it is good as they were way overdue and this will give them a chance to arrive on time for once and two its bad real bad, stasis will only work intermittently and cover five thousand years of the forward trip.

Even with relativistic travel it looks like a seventy year home voyage but by slingshot maneuvering they can seem to make it appear like a five year return trip. Being mindful not to take supplies from any point that might impact on the future, their future they begin a trek home rummaging for supplies on off worlds and far out places. As well as a few quick checks to ensure history is actually on track.

The usual things checking the asteroid belts inner and kyper to locate not mine but locate all the as yet undiscovered good resources, no point wasting time. Careful sightseeing, pick up a few insignificant stragglers historically of no importance and get some great shots of the architecture when it was first built and enough footage to resolve many of the current archaeological disputes.

Through off world farming an abundance of food is available and the fuel load more than adequate for the big sling shot return trip. Best of all the cargo of coarse grade lint is now the finest high quality lint of all. Good enough that this one trip will see the company out of insolvency and each of them into a comfortable retirement.

They arrive home from the great manoeuvre and it there but it is different, no one knows them and there is no Empire. Oh it is civilised enough if that's what you would call it but if wasn't for the cargo having absorbed the finest grade space oils they would have been ruined. Home and it is like a circus crowds everywhere and they are unknown, well not totally unknown. One of the insignificant stragglers causes all sorts of interest as he walks out across the water to meet the crowds.

Do you know what the simplest conspiracy is?

It is so simple, on board the ship is an information based computer designed just for that purpose to give information. Not just any old information but millions and billions of terabytes of highly valuable data, so much data of high value that on the face of being helpful the entire research of a planet collapses into a race to get the most from information, quality information to delay experimentation and discovering the truth.

Due to this simple expedient like bees to honey whole battles and research plans could be delayed decades even longer if needed by the supply of really good quality information. On board the Proxima Centauri was just such a computer.

Funny thing was that because so much information was future based it was not just good quality information it was excellent quality information and as soon as it detected the present day collectors it simply started squealing as much high quality info that it calculated our sites could handle.

In the future of course information is treated with total disdain as proper decision making is valued far more highly. But there you have it, had it not been for the auto info bot on board the crew would have made it back to a future they recognised.

Still the time anomaly being a natural functioning rift in the temporal continuum would fix that, in less that eighty days they had to offload their cargo and go in before they originally did in chronological time to go round again or be stuck in the wrong future of their own making.

Area 51, off limits to all but the lowest cleared vessels of commercial trade use only, well it used to be. Now the future technology couldn't even get a light cruiser class ship to the area. By entering the time rift before the calculated time that they first fell in they could, in fact would have to go around again to meet themselves to clear up the mess they made of it this time around. As they were in the anomaly before time was changed they would meet their younger selves out of time by five years and protected from paradox.

And thus begins the saga of the grandmother of all conspiracies.

A conspiracy based on an ATM idea. I suppose that given the time invested in devising an alternate theory of general relativity and quantum would be wasted without its own very special conspiracy theory. So here it is:-

In the quantum world there is the proton electron pair and by itself the neutron. Simple enough but in a charged multi-verse where everything is quantum linked the neutron is bound by quantum entanglement to the other side of the multi-verse. That is it consists of an anti-proton and positron with the resultant neutral charge neutron in this universe and the paired anti-proton positron in the other.

Now given that, the power we are feeding into accelerators to split atoms would be causing some pretty hefty bangs on the other side on a weekly or even daily basis. So if it is determined that this is being done by the other side and they do send a strike force to eliminate the problem, then we deserve fairly much whatever they wish to dish out.

Omg! I'm glad I wasn't taking a drink when I read that! Rolling here. My son will take it if it has a cup holder-hes pretty firm on that issue.

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The unexamined life is not worth living

Omg! I'm glad I wasn't taking a drink when I read that! Rolling here. My son will take it if it has a cup holder-hes pretty firm on that issue.

__________________
The unexamined life is not worth living

Omg! I'm glad I wasn't taking a drink when I read that! Rolling here. My son will take one if it has a cup holder-hes pretty firm on that issue.

__________________
The unexamined life is not worth living

The ultimate weapon

It came to pass that in 1920 the most devastating and ecological weapon ever known came into existence. The resultant consumption of this product changed the balance of power and will in time be proven to give rise to whole new civilizations. I am of course referring to the pink marshmallow.

It has crept into the unsuspecting lives of many millions of the world's people none but a few of whom realise the devastating potential of this product. Having conducted field tests, well field test (once was enough) its potential as a weapon of mass distraction became all too clear. Upon consuming a one kilo packet of pink marshmallows there followed the most unfortunate but very definite consequences.

You see the things are light and irresistible and so consumable in large quantities without seeming to be overfilling. The capacity to remove waste buildup and thus clean the piping of an organic system is by no means to be underestimated. Roughly (or loosely as it turned out) a day later the full affect on the human body becomes noticeable. It may vary from body to body.

There comes an instant when the pink marshmallow has fully removed all the clingy stuff and is ready to move regardless of whether you are ready to let it be removed or not. An urgent dash to the nearest facility is urgently required. Not so handy on a battlefield I can assure you. In my case the required venue for marshmallow evac was occupied. The human body is not designed as a leak-proof vessel for very long and muscle control rather quickly gives in to the immense and rapid build up of pressure.

Briefly humming, rocking, grimacing and urging all important occupant of emergency evac facility to be quick failed. Try bouncing on toes and exploring possibility of increasing body volume via eye bulge, a micro second advantage at least. In fact bouncing proved a minor disaster but provided very slight pressure release enough to get through the next minute until evac area available. Unfortunately very slight pressure release comes at an awful price and causes funny walk to evac area.

In the future whole new barren worlds will become fertile with the nutrients resulting from battle provided one has suitable breathing apparatus.

Although a normal sunny disposition, today just wasn't one of those days. Sol scratched irritably but it just wouldn't budge. This middle to later in life stuff just wasn't for a single guy with teenagers. The oldest now there was a windbag. Nice kid well out of teens and kids!

Well at least they were a well behaved lot, boisterous but showing plenty of promise if he would settle down and raise them right. Then there was the next Miss Beauty Queen herself. How she found time to take care of her horde and look so good remained a complete and utter mystery. She was the next oldest one and a couple of her girls were just bursting with life.

Now the rest of the family a mixed bag to say the very least. Sol had a bust up long ago and it looked like he had the lion's share of the work and the kids. Nice lass but that was long, long ago and the early flame of love barely a flicker. Hadn't really heard much of her in, well it seemed like eons.

Like any family a couple of the littlies hung around fairly close. Of the littlies one was a wanderer and it was hard to know if he would truly be back for a meal. Adventurous sort already had a girlfriend and at his age! All the sage advise Sol regretted from the rest of the community came back, but he had done well, in fact very well. So what if some of the other party going singles and wild dancing couples led frantic lives of fun, where was their plan and a smug grin appeared. Ah good the itch had shifted to a less annoying spot.

Every now and then he would throw a tantrum, he said never but the kids reckoned it was like clockwork. Right bit of cheek that. You would think they at least had the courtesy to ask "HIS" opinion before they determined it all for him. All I want is a bit of notice before you foist something on me, let me work it out, OK. That's better, what a mess the last time, a gift should not be the equivalent of extracting teeth.

Now looking at one of the sweetest, the most blue of blue eyes. It was so hard not to play favourites but there it was and she was exceptional. The little ballerina with her teddy bear. Totally cute, except for the cigarette dangling from her mouth. He scolded gently again. "You will get hooked on those wretched things you know". Stubborn kid, heart of well he loved her and worried like any father would about the state of her lungs. If any of them would she would be the one to grow up and make him proud. They were all his kids Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars (erratic kid), asteroid belt (remembered but never had a chance), Jupiter (enough said and same for the next one), Saturn, Uranus (now that one was off balance), Neptune and Pluto (well when he called in).

For Neverfly who wanted a bit more conspiracy. Who did we think gave us the Titans and inspired ideas about the sun dying. Actually he is a bit ticked off we planned to shove a square bomb down his throat but the movie was good ...

I'm not having a go at Neverfly and many thanks also for the suggested source of the book. It works out the sentient being I remembered was 'Solaris' by Stanislas Lem but I will try to read the other one too.

Mind you I know that asking whether a stellar object is sentient or not is a bit foolish, but after seeing the trilobite clip by the Hinode satellite I would at least want someone to ask the question. More importantly I would want someone to know the answer if we were to consider solar rejuvenation or whatever.

Sure the big conspiracies are on the lips of everyday folk. Things that touch our lives and for the most part are behind us. It is the little everyday conspiracies that get us all and again for the most part we are unaware of them.

I wonder if star trek would have been different if some of our best new ideas were viewed differently? Here goes

Old Bertha was a fine old lady as tough as they come and as old as the 'General' himself. That is General Relativity to you. This is why this belongs on an astronomy conspiracy board. No ordinary lady at that, Old Bertha had a caretaker who lived nearby and visited daily to tend to her needs. She was a fine old diesel motor. Belt driven to an eight piston water pump.

Now it came about that I met Old Bertha about three times over half a lifetime ago. You would drive out of town with the rest of the crew and check her or take supplies out to the caretaker. Well out of town and near the good water source that she pumped through town to a holding tank on the other side. What you remembered was the silence and beauty of the setting she lived in. A silence punctuated every half a minute or so with what could only be described as the sound of a shotgun blast.

She had a great flywheel and only needed to fire as the revs dropped. Nearby to start her was a 300 lb/in^2 air compressor to swing her into life. The exhaust pipe was a massive stack that was affixed to the outside of the shed. When running that stack fairly swung a good four or five inches each way as it took the blast of that one great chuff. The amazing thing was that it stayed attached to the side of the shed at all. When I remember her in action the whole shed seemed to be on the verge of being torn apart with each shot.

It was surprising that nature seemed so unconcerned such was the regularity of that noise. Most of the trees had grown up with her and even the wildlife carried on apparently unaware of her labours.

So the day came, it had been in the planning for months that she would be tested and failing that most likely replaced with a more efficient electric motor. The test was to su