A platypus has been described as 'an animal designed by committee' for its seeming weirdness. In "The Last Continent" we can see this principle in action; as Ridicully and his wizards busybody themselves into another hilarious screw-up.

I couldn't help thinking about that for a bit at work today; and given the amount of cracked...er, I mean twisted...er, I mean creatively intelligent brainpower here, well... the possibility of going seriously Mustrum just took the breath away.

So let's design an animal.

By committee.

There are only three rules: First; you get to offer one design suggestion. One only. (One per post, that is....heh heh heh)
Second: Whatever your suggestion; there needs to be a reason for it. It doesn't have to be a particularly sane reason - we're talking about a committee after all; the basic subatomic particle of Bureaucratic Matter.
Third - you cannot directly disagree with any other poster's suggestions. Well - you can if you really want to - but in deference to the basic committee principle of respect - however undeserved - of all totally pointless, insane and logically-challenged comments; that disagreement had better be complete with rebuttals, counter-arguments, claims of 'studies', analyses, etc. Any disagreement not fully meeting the standards of Universal Bureaucratic Blather will be roundly shouted down by the committee.

Basically; we're talking Magratheans mixed with Golgafrinchans here; with a generous dollop of Vogon tossed into the mix.


Once we're done; I'll submit the finished plans to a friend of mine - a pencil and ink artist of superb talent - to draw for us. The results, I imagine will be...interesting.

Let's start.
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Gentleman, Ladies and Other Sentient and/Or Supernatural, Transdimensional or Otherwise Superintelligent Beings; this committee will come to order.

It is our task to provide [insert name of deity, Mystical Creator or Divine Intervenor of applicable party here] with a new creature to populate [name of world here]. As your Grand Committe Chairman and Overall Bigshot; I posit that there are several factors we must first consider before designing our creature.

Understand though before we start: we are designing a creature - one which will live and possibly (however unsavoury the idea sounds) evolve on this new world. We must therefore undertake this..er...undertaking with the greatest seriousness and attention to detail. This creature must be perfect in all ways; as perfect as we - surely the Greatest Minds of our generation/era/epoch/universe - can manage.

Now - to the factors. [Name of world] is a planet of varied ecosystems; with lush dark jungles, wide sweeping plains, vast mountains, deep oceans and trackless deserts.

Ahem - allow me to correct myself. The Deserts are 'Burning'. it's the tundra that's trackless, did I get that right?

Of course I did.

This creature must live in one of these environments; and thrive.

One thing I have noticed from reading this list though, is that [insert name of deity, Mystical Creator or Divine Intervenor of applicable party here] is singularly unimaginative in his/her/it's colour scheme. Green brown and blue? However you may wish to say 'shining emerald' or 'turquoise' or even 'warm sepia tones' it's still green, brown and blue.

Aesthetics must be considered in every venture. After all - if form truly follows function, will something attractive to look upon not by default be superbly designed?

Therefore, since contrast is one of the most visually striking of the artistic tools; we must offset the overall drab green, brown and blue. Whatever the finished form of the creature, I suggest it be red.

Let us begin the comments to the left of the table...

Not sure how to start Staiduk!

Could you get the ball rolling?

Red is an excellent color. Blue is also good, since the red/blue approximately pin the visual octave of radiation.

The problem with a creature both red and blue is that from a distance it would appear purple. A creature with the ability to change color from red to blue might be both advantageous and esthetically/politically appealing. While this can be accomplished by use of chromophores under the surface of the skin, this would mean a relatively thin skin, and we really don't want a thin-skinned creature. One solution would be to have the creature covered with a thick but loose skin in alternate thin stripes of red and blue. Subcutaneous muscles could pull the skin into parallel ridges showing either the red or blue areas as necessary.

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If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about the answers.

don't look at me like that...i am colour-blind.

i'll go order some pizza! excuse me, please your highnesseseses!

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clear skies

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. CARL SAGAN

Mak: Pass the pepperoni please.
Fazor: "Hail, Bautainia! We pledge our hearts to thee! Science and woo, some babbling too, and astron-oh-meee!"
slang: And it made ash out of yew and tree.

I suggest that the planet should be named HOSGENTA.

The planet's environment seems to abound with both HOStile and GENTle elements. (Of course, in the human language. OK.. OK in English).

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Adieu science, hi consumerism : Pi = Bye = Buy

The inhabitants therefore could be HOSGENTITES.

(Reason- if the previous is acceptable)

Hi Staiduk, it is OK to post twice at a time. Your rules are quite clear on only one post per suggestion, but leaves this part unspecified

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Adieu science, hi consumerism : Pi = Bye = Buy

Magenta Hosgenta....has a tinkle to it....Zentisan
i think Staiduk, implied, not successive posts

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clear skies

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. CARL SAGAN

Mak: Pass the pepperoni please.
Fazor: "Hail, Bautainia! We pledge our hearts to thee! Science and woo, some babbling too, and astron-oh-meee!"
slang: And it made ash out of yew and tree.

I vote that our creature live in the ocean.

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I want to go back to the moon.
I don't care which rocket you use, whichever one you pick, I'll like it, I swear.
"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis
Rovers forever! - ToSeek

ahem, where? do you mean the ocean floor? i suspect that maybe better. if you don't mind. and like Nessie, pay us an occasional visit to scarify us all.....

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clear skies

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. CARL SAGAN

Mak: Pass the pepperoni please.
Fazor: "Hail, Bautainia! We pledge our hearts to thee! Science and woo, some babbling too, and astron-oh-meee!"
slang: And it made ash out of yew and tree.

Of course, living on the ocean floor presents its own difficulties and a wide range of potential predators. The rippling, thick-skinned wrinkles area good idea, I think but rather than skin, the colouration should come from scales. Excellent protection, don'tchaknow.

Excellent start!

Quote:

A creature with the ability to change color from red to blue might be both advantageous and esthetically/politically appealing...

That one had me laughing for its appropriateness. Like the States, we're going through our own fool's parade...I mean general election; the primary parties being the Conservatives (Colour blue) and the Liberals (colour red). And once the election is over; there are always a lot of floor-crossers from the losing side to the winning side...

sea-bed crossers....
scales do justice

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clear skies

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. CARL SAGAN

Mak: Pass the pepperoni please.
Fazor: "Hail, Bautainia! We pledge our hearts to thee! Science and woo, some babbling too, and astron-oh-meee!"
slang: And it made ash out of yew and tree.

I would say - why not an amphi? A land plus a sea dweller.

A totally aquatic creature would limit it's design features. Also, since our creature (we really need to name our planet soon! It is depressing to refer to it as we do currently) should be numero uno in the planet, it would impractical to consign it to one habitat.

__________________
Adieu science, hi consumerism : Pi = Bye = Buy

An amphi should have both gills and lungs.

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Bibio, ergo sum.
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All fake moderation in purple

Our amphibian should have good night vision.

__________________
I want to go back to the moon.
I don't care which rocket you use, whichever one you pick, I'll like it, I swear.
"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis
Rovers forever! - ToSeek

Good ideas, all! Councilmember Zentisan has opined that we should name this planet. That is not, I submit, for us to do; whichever intelligent life arises will be naming it in their language. However; as an interim working name - since named planets are easier to describe - I suggest we use his earlier suggestion of Hosgenta.

Next?

OK, if I post in blue; it's as an aside and not as the above-introduced 'committee chair'. OK - so we've got a red, scaly, wrinkly bottom-dwelling anphibian with good night vision...this is starting to get weird. I LOVE IT!!

Salutations to my fellow deity.
We have an amphibious scaly Magenta Hosgenta. I reason that it would a be really a pity if this beloved animal is not endowed with wings/gliding flippers.

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This whole internet thing is probably not a passing fad.-Ronald Brak
While speech might be free, consequences cost.-Doodler

Bee eyes. Be cause.

It needs to be able to defend itself.

So it should have spikes. Lots of spikes.

so it can never be buggered at all...

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Si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses.

"Half of what I say is meaningless, but I say it so that the other half may reach you."

We have an amphibious, flying, scaly Magenta Hosgenta, with bee eyes and spikes.
I've just had a moment of brilliance, let it have a central nervous system capable of higher functions.

__________________
This whole internet thing is probably not a passing fad.-Ronald Brak
While speech might be free, consequences cost.-Doodler

Can it be carnivorous? Specifically, can it eat lawyers?

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Beer, the cause of and solution to, all lifes problems

With all due respect to the honorable mfumbesi, I regret to state that it has been found desirable (CF 1809:2987:234 sub. BX9345 Ref. Gal. Con. Cod. Dir.) for choices of new existential modalities to be governed by the Equal Opportunities Act for Organic Manifestations of Physical Law.

My subcommittee's investigative report, undertaken over the course of two millenia and comprising seven tenths of the galactic arc, taken contiguously, shows that out of the six varieties of simple machine, two (lever and wheel) are overwhelmingly represented in locomotive modalities of sample populations and four (inclined plane, wedge, pulley and screw) are almost entirely neglected. I am sure that all will agree that this display of favoritism is entirely repugnant and contrary to our noblest and most democratic ideals.

The so-called "leg," "wing" or "fin" (lever), and the "flagellum" (wheel), are therefore undesirable for consideration in selecting the locomotive means for the animal in question. Since the wedge and screw have already been considered and found somewhat wanting, I propose that the target animal use the pulley as its primary means of locomotion.

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"People do not want immortality... They simply do not want to die... They want to feel the ground beneath their feet, see the clouds overhead, love other people, be with them, and think. Nothing more. Everything that has been said beyond that is a lie." - Ijon Tichy

A valuable function would give this creature the ability to shed it's
appendages and regrow others with new uses, allowing it to adapt
to any environment.

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Round...everything is always round!

It should have a prehensile tail, so it can swing from trees while on land, and gather reeds while in the water.

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Bibio, ergo sum.
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All fake moderation in purple

It must be able to mimic the grunts, groans, chit, chatter,
posture and poise of other creatures. It can thereby learn
other animals language and communication.

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Round...everything is always round!

It must be able to choose the color of the eggs it lays, to match the background.

__________________
Bibio, ergo sum.
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All fake moderation in purple

Ideally, this creature would not need sleep.

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Round...everything is always round!

I agree, this would be most useful. The tail should have at its end a clawed hand, useful for both defense and grasping.

(As used to great effect by my brother's Spore creature, the Ooogie.)

__________________
I want to go back to the moon.
I don't care which rocket you use, whichever one you pick, I'll like it, I swear.
"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis
Rovers forever! - ToSeek

Hear, hear! May I boldly suggest that Magenta Hosgenta also be endowed with a magnificent singing voice, so that it can compose and perform vocal tributes to the efficiencies of this committee.

Love that song/character

From these posts I can see that Magenta Hosgenta has developed the evolutionary advantageous trait of inducing laughter.
May I suggest that as a hunting strategy?

M. Hosgenta jumps out in front of prey.
As prey is helplessly rolling with laughter, M. Hosgenta strikes!

The spikes should be retractable, to allow it to fit through narrow spaces.

__________________
Bibio, ergo sum.
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All fake moderation in purple