- internet closes over lack of interest
- Darfur world's top vacation spot.
- bacon grease cuts heart diseases risk by 40 %, research concludes.

__________________
A slight inclination of the cranium is as adequate as a spasmodic movement of one optic towards an equinine quadruped utterly devoid of any visionary capacity.

- The Obama girls will adopt a Pepperidge Farm Goldfish snack-cracker instead of a real-life dog.

-Due to overwhelming demand, US extends Presidential election season

- Michael Jackson to Play Barack Obama in Bioflick

-Russians Discover New Use for Ethanol: Fuel

-(from The Onion) Evolutionists Flock to Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain

-Swallows Skip San Juan Capistrano, Head for Laguna Beach

-Navy Subs Collide as Whales Send 'Back At Ya' Sonar Signals

-Oldest Man Eager to Relinquish Title

-Wisconsin State Fair Displays World's Smallest Cheese

__________________
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
-Dorothy Parker

- Osama bin Laden loves America and wishes to become a patriotic citizen.

- Smoking 2 packs of cigarettes per day decreases wrinkles and gray hair.

NASA boffins confirm today that, although Earth has been around
for millions of years, it is actually flat.

__________________
Round...everything is always round!

-(from MSNBC) World Leaders Meet to Save Economy

__________________
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
-Dorothy Parker

Scientists discover evidence of water on earth.

__________________
Bibio, ergo sum.
----------------------
All fake moderation in purple

- Obama decides to stay in Chicago; Hillary becomes President Elect.

- America has a surplus of 6 trillion dollars.

- "Ralph Roister Doister" Starts Third Sold-Out Season on Broadway


- Fireman Remains Stuck in Tree

__________________
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
-Dorothy Parker

And this just in.... dozens of cats have arrived on the scene to try to rescue the stuck fireman.

__________________
At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

One Earth, One Sky - IYA 2009
All moderation in purple

Southern border wall, designed to keep out illegal immigrants, canceled due to lack of cheap labor.

__________________
---"Why do things have to suck so bad?" a friend once asked me.
"Because space is a vacuum and that's a lot of suck." I replied.
(Actual quote)---

The blow-out in the snow, Browns win the Super Bowl!

Reporter decides anicdotal evidence not enough for front-page article.

Compaired to the US, the rest of the world is grossly under weight.

__________________

I'm like one of those idiot savants...well, except for the savant part.
Lisa: "I'm so proud of you guys that I've even tipped off the local media!"
Reporter: "Yeah, and I already have the perfect headline! 'Activity Participated in by Some'! Ah, perfect!"

What a treat for Cleveland to get the "Big Three" all in the same year: Indian's World Series victory, the Cavs winning the NBA championship (and LeBron resigning for half the money the Knicks offered him), and now the Browns! Not to mention OSU's National Championship.

And this just in - Lake Erie is found to be the Fountain of Youth.

__________________
At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

One Earth, One Sky - IYA 2009
All moderation in purple

-New diet lets you gain two pounds per day


-Severe storm cuts the rest of the US off from New York


-After two days, 'Law & Order' still absent from cable channels

__________________
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
-Dorothy Parker

-Space Shuttle takes off from ISS for a mission to Florida.

__________________
"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis
Rovers forever! - ToSeek
"Carl Sagan sent a message to ET,
Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility
Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity
Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song

Central bankers coordinate interest rate hikes to slow overheating economy.

__________________
Bibio, ergo sum.
----------------------
All fake moderation in purple

- Mathematics breakthrough: 6-year research in Princeton shows area of circle equals pi r squared

- SETI finally installs firewalls to reduce E.T's spam signals, Seth Shostak not interested in buying cheap galactic _V1A6RA*

- Bill Gates spends all money to buy everyone a donut

- George Carlin teams up with Jesus to fight evil.

- Britney Spears sets new benchmark for human developement.

__________________
A slight inclination of the cranium is as adequate as a spasmodic movement of one optic towards an equinine quadruped utterly devoid of any visionary capacity.

-Elvis Presley laughs at conspiracy theories claiming "Elvis is dead".

__________________
"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis
Rovers forever! - ToSeek
"Carl Sagan sent a message to ET,
Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility
Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity
Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song

So, that's what the kids are calling them now a days, "human development".

__________________
At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

One Earth, One Sky - IYA 2009
All moderation in purple

- Misspelling found on Internet forum, society collapses

- Sarcasm found on Internet forum, society restored

__________________
A slight inclination of the cranium is as adequate as a spasmodic movement of one optic towards an equinine quadruped utterly devoid of any visionary capacity.

-Drunk celebrity makes public remark--no one offended.

__________________

I'm like one of those idiot savants...well, except for the savant part.
Lisa: "I'm so proud of you guys that I've even tipped off the local media!"
Reporter: "Yeah, and I already have the perfect headline! 'Activity Participated in by Some'! Ah, perfect!"

- After 364 days of peace and love around the world, opposing factions celebrate Christmas with one day of violence

__________________
At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

One Earth, One Sky - IYA 2009
All moderation in purple

-Study finds common house-hold item isn't dangerous.

[edit: Tv-plug verison. "Experts say this common houshold item is not dangerous. Could it be in your home? Find out at 11:00"]

__________________

I'm like one of those idiot savants...well, except for the savant part.
Lisa: "I'm so proud of you guys that I've even tipped off the local media!"
Reporter: "Yeah, and I already have the perfect headline! 'Activity Participated in by Some'! Ah, perfect!"

- Britney Spears and Madonna both publically concede that Christina Aguilera has more talent in one eyelash than they have in their entire bodies combined.

- Sarah Slean finally recognized in the US as being the only female singer-songwriter with any talent at all.

__________________
---"Why do things have to suck so bad?" a friend once asked me.
"Because space is a vacuum and that's a lot of suck." I replied.
(Actual quote)---

“Don’t let ‘it doesn’t make any sense!’ get in the way of a crap story idea,” says Russell T. Davies.

“I apologise unreservedly,” says Tracey Emin. “God, I feel better for that.”

“Oh yeah, me too,” says Damien Hirst.

- Wall St. donates $700b to congress.


- Astrology - it doesn't work.

- Copernicus's grave lost after DNA analysis.

- computer virus removes unwanted items from desktop, upgrades RAM and pays taxes.

__________________
A slight inclination of the cranium is as adequate as a spasmodic movement of one optic towards an equinine quadruped utterly devoid of any visionary capacity.

Maths teachers admit that pocket calculators completely remove the need to learn any maths whatsoever.

They also admit that when batts run out, 1x1 is not 2

__________________
Adieu science, hi consumerism : Pi = Bye = Buy

Man makes millions aiding Nigerian lawyers move funds from Nigeria to the US.

Astronaut finds tool bag during space walk, "it just drifted up to me, not sure where it came from" she states.

In an effort to attract more customers, major airlines widen airplane seats in coach class.

__________________
"I'm as accurate as any psychic. And I'm a cartoon!" -- Squidward

"Arrrgh, the laws of physics be a harsh mistress!" -- Bender