Optimist: The glass is half full.

Pessimist: The glass is half empty.

Quantum physicist: The glass has a 50% probability of holding water.

Engineer: The glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Accountant: Does the glass really need all that water?

Mathematician: The glass is full under a different system of mathematics.

Government minister: The glass meets government target for 50% of water in higher containers by the end of 2005.

EPA: That water must be disposed of by a hazmat team because it has minute traces of charged particles in it.

Philosopher: If no-one looks at the glass, who's to say how full or empty it is?

Environmentalist: That's still too much water stolen from nature by the evil corporations.

Middle-class urbanite: Let me poor that water through my Brita water filter first.

Channel 4 news: George W Bush stole the other half of that glass's content as part of an evil conspiracy involving the oil companies and Israel.

George W Bush: Ugh! I'm choking on the water.

Pilot: The glass is responsible for me running out of fuel.

Smart-arse: Who said it was water in the glass anyway?

Disgruntled inner city youth: What glass? I didn't see no glass?

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2 good 2 need 4 engines

With three isotopes of hydrogen...protium, deuterium, and tritium....and eight of oxygen....how many different kinds of water molecules are there in that glass?

When they burned Joan of Arc at the stake, and her blood evaporated, mixing with the clouds and the oceans.....how many of those molecules are in that glass? It's not zero. Nor is it for anybody who ever lived.

If that glass is non-stoichiometric, how long will it take to sag down over the edge of the table, like one of Dali's watches?

The silicon, oxygen, calcium, potassium, sodium, boron...in that glass were made in stars...s process and r process.

The other half of that glass is filled with the neutrino sea...or is it?

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A third rate theory forbids
A second rate theory explains after the fact
A first rate theory predicts...A. Lomonosov

LMAO, these are great!

Here's one I made up:

I never wear glasses, let me put in my contacts and look carefully...it is clearly a mug and opaque to boot...hmmm smells like team spirit...definitly Everclear...looks good enough to drink without a chaser...anyone got a lime?

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Teri berry...quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
Width, silver, bells, cockle, shells, and prithe made all in aureole

Paulie Jay - "I'm thirsty"

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The plural of "anecdote" is not "data".

May I interest you in this lovely glass half filled with [insert favorite beverage]

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Teri berry...quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
Width, silver, bells, cockle, shells, and prithe made all in aureole

Elvis drank half of my water. Opening bid, $50,000.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. All of your choices are bad for you.

Did those elves backwash? Elven DNA is quite valuable... Youse should up your bid to at least 50,000 googol of $.

Freakin' elves always turning bullish to bearish.

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Teri berry...quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
Width, silver, bells, cockle, shells, and prithe made all in aureole

Those two have never been, in my mind, the true measure of optimist/pessimist.

An optimist looks at an empty glass and says, "but yes, someday it will be full".

A pessimist looks at full glass and say, "but what happens after we drink it?".

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At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

One Earth, One Sky - IYA 2009

I'll drink to that!

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Teri berry...quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
Width, silver, bells, cockle, shells, and prithe made all in aureole

Perfectionist: Who is to say that the glass is exactly hafl full or half empty, and how would either of us know if we have not taken multiple measurements to the molecule to determine how full or empty the glass is?

I'm with teri tait, it's half drunk.

I've always answered "it contains 50% of it's maximum capacity" just to but the people that ask me question in the first place.

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I'm not evil.
An evil person would do the things I think up.

I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic, actually she's been sober for 15 years. And this is her favorite joke.

Optimist: The glass is half full.

Pessimist: The glass is half empty.

Alcoholic: You gonna drink that?

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And all this science, I don't understand. It's just my job 5 days a week. Rocket Man (EJ/BT)

Pessimist sees a tunnel.
Optimist sees a light at he other end of a tunnel.
Train machinist sees two dumbasses on the rails.

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Tyranids might be unpleasant to look, but believe me, you don't want to let them out of your sight

Communist: We should divide this glass equally and share it amongst everyone.

Capitalist: We should sell this glass for a profit.

Realist: The glass is.

Conspiracy Theorist: This glass contains a government-issued mind control substance that will make everyone feel optimistic, and everyone will see a half-empty glass as being half-full.

Surrealist: A fish.

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Yes, they laughed at Einstein, but only because of his silly hairstyle; no one was actually laughing at his science.

Real life Communist: We should divide this glass equally and share it amongst ourselves.

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And the "driving on the freeway on a scooter" analogy still holds true because the pilots are sitting in 7 to 30 ton aircraft o' doom and you are running around them in your very own Meatbody, Mark I. Beep, beep.
Trying to make sense of computers, The Error Log.

The martial artist: think through the glass

Zen practitioner: Even stones must breathe

NASCAR enthusiast: Shut up and drive!

Ahnold: I'll be back!

Physicist: Solid, filled with a liquid (and a gas).

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Join the Illuminati

Real Life Communist continued: And make everyone else wait in line for whatever is left. And send anyone who disagrees with the system to a forced labor camp.

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Yes, they laughed at Einstein, but only because of his silly hairstyle; no one was actually laughing at his science.

Sadist: I want to use that glass to hurt someone.

Masochist: I hope someone will use that glass to hurt me!

Defeatist: What difference does it make?

Cynic: All glasses are pretty much the same, why talk about this one?

Psychic: I am sensing an incredible aura around this glass. I think it is my spirit guide from Planet X is trying to contact me through it.

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Yes, they laughed at Einstein, but only because of his silly hairstyle; no one was actually laughing at his science.