AMAZING QUESTIONS

If you were in an automobile travelling at the speed of light, what would happen if you signaled for a left turn?


If a pair of identical twins were both physicians and one of them got in a spaceship which immediately accelerated away from the earth to near the speed of light, would this constitute a twin pair of docs paradox?


What if God had put the whole universe in a giant box and was just waiting while petting his cat?


If dark matter turns out to be The Force, will George Lucas win the Nobel Prize in physics?

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The Devil offered me power. I told him I preferred aperture.

AMAZING ANSWERS
Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

No.

Edit to add: These aren't necessarily the right answers to these questions, but they are amazing, trust me.

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Yes, they laughed at Einstein, but only because of his silly hairstyle; no one was actually laughing at his science.

And how far before turning would you have to travel before being accused of being a forgetful old [so-and-so]?

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Numbers are not case sensitive. (me)

That depends on if you're talking about the reference frame of the driver or the observer...

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Yes, they laughed at Einstein, but only because of his silly hairstyle; no one was actually laughing at his science.

There are many amazing variants on the question "If you were in an automobile travelling at the speed of light, what would happen if you signaled for a left turn?" as well.


"If you were in an automobile travelling at the speed of light and suddenly hit the brakes, how many car lengths behind you would a following car have to be to safely stop? Asssume dry pavement and good visibility."


"If you were in an automobile travelling at the speed of light and another automobile was approaching you with one headlight out, would you be able to yell 'Padiddle!' in time to give your seatmate a noogie?"


"If you were in an automobile travelling at the speed of light and were pulled over for exceeding the local limit, could you convince the patrolman that in your reference frame you were only doing 65?"

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The Devil offered me power. I told him I preferred aperture.

If you passed that cop, would you be able to flash the warning to oncomming traffic?
(around here, although questionably legal, people flash thier lights to signal oncomming traffic of a speed trap)

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Numbers are not case sensitive. (me)

If you were in a 1958 Plymouth Fury traveling at the speed of light, would that make you King of the Universe?

Even if you had only two doors?

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A person's name, or a mark representing it, as signed personally or by deputy, as in subscribing a letter or other document.

A SEASONAL SONG

Due to an appointments mistake on the
afternoon of the 24 Dec, a Mr Edwin Screege,
a loan administrator of south London found he
had to deal with visits from an Inland Revenue
inspector, his accountant and his broker
before closing his office. His clerk, Bob,
found himself let go two days later.

Oh you'll never get to Heaven in an old Ford car,
(Not even at the speed of light)
'Cos an old Ford car can't get that far...

MOST REMARKABLE REFUSAL TO ENDORSE A PRODUCT FOR MONEY

Horatio Nelson Jackson of Burlington, Vermont, was the first person (along with his mechanic, Sewall K. Crocker) to drive across America in an automobile, a 1903 Winton. When offered assistance by the Winton Company in exchange for his endorsement, Jackson respectfully declined.

Years later Jackson was approached by the Ford Motor Co. and asked to state, for a lucrative sum, that the car he had used in the cross-country trip was actually a Ford. Jackson not so respectfully declined.

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A person's name, or a mark representing it, as signed personally or by deputy, as in subscribing a letter or other document.

WORST REMAKE OF A REMAKE OF A MOTION PICTURE

Old Line Cinema, in association with Jerry Bruchmuller Productions, has announced it will be filming a remake of I am Legend.

The new film, tentatively called I am Rumor, will star Paris Hilton as the only normal person surviving in a world where a mutated virus turns everyone else into either Tom Cruise or Lindsay Lohan. “The film will be asking the question: Just what is ‘normal’, anyway?” said screenwriter Claire Etee’.

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The Devil offered me power. I told him I preferred aperture.

FORM A CHAIN THERE...

Hi, my name is Dave Rhodes and I am running
for office. If you send this communication
to four of your friends I will be able to
make their lives better as well as yours.
Send a dollar to my campaign office to
cover election costs. I will not be
appearing in person as I know voters
will hear all the relevant points from
the other candidates.

Paid for (eventually) by the suckers.

BRITISH WOMAN LOSES ONE HUNDRED FIFTY POUNDS IN A WEEK

Mrs. Eudora deMille of East Sussex lost one hundred fifty pounds playing the UK Lottery between Christmas and New Year's.

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The Devil offered me power. I told him I preferred aperture.

A TOAST TO PROFITABLE FINESSE.

In the Chelsea offices of Gambitt, Strokem
and Weese, covert PR consultants to the
treasury, a toast to a successful campaign
of steering public perceptions was proposed
and made by the proprietors. After many years
of adjusting advertising materials the word
"gambling" has been banished from the world
of the national lottery here and abroad.
Canvass returns show even the most hard
bitten cynics talk about "playing" when
parting with their hard earned remuneration.
Now with careful management it may be
possible to propose to people that they
play their tax returns.

Ha! In the Colonies it is now 'gaming', not gambling.

(Enhanced with up to 15% broth.)

The replacement of 'gambling' with 'gaming' has resulted in a surplus of 'bl'. The UK has indicated it is willing to construct a temporary bl holding facility on Hayling Island, and the US is considering converting the Yucca Mountain Nuclear Waste Repository in Nevada to a BL Repository. This has been opposed by the local inhabitants on the grounds that capital B's and L's were never part of the original plan, since they have a longer half-life than the lower-case equivalents. Many lbs of bls would have to be stored for up to 10k yrs, and the huge stockpile of potential abbreviations worries Greens (especially those between 504-517 nm).

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The Devil offered me power. I told him I preferred aperture.

Washington recently decided to cancel those plans. The PTB determined that they can process all those B/b and L/l overstocks themselves. However, since the decision there has been a critical shortage of U/u.

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A person's name, or a mark representing it, as signed personally or by deputy, as in subscribing a letter or other document.

TRADITIONAL PURSUITS GO ON.

Gaming in the UK remains a matter of Tweeds,
Shotguns, Moorland and very badly informed
species of fowl. It boasts a low carbon
footprint.

SMALLEST CARBON FOOTPRINT
The Hayling Island snot-nosed tardigrade has a carbon footprint less than 40 microns long, provided it has not properly wiped its feet. The footprint is 60 microns long if it is wearing shoes.

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The Devil offered me power. I told him I preferred aperture.

Amazing untrue records?

I think I have a box of LPs around here somewhere...

No, wait.

They're in my parents attic

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None to speak of