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21-November-2007, 01:53 AM
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Quote:
Followed by several posts about "e" before "i" Followed by a ToSeeked post.
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"God bless thee, my son; I will give thee the greatest jewel I have ... "The end of our foundation is the knowledge of causes, and secret motions of things; and the enlarging of the bounds of human empire, to the effecting of all things possible." Francis Bacon, The New Atlantis Trying to make sense of computers, The Error Log.
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22-November-2007, 01:29 PM
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What do you call a guy who drive buses for a living.
A bus driver......hahahah! I am killing myself here, that was funny! I am going to save my material for the comedy club, I am going to be rich.
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This whole internet thing is probably not a passing fad.-Ronald Brak While speech might be free, consequences cost.-Doodler
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22-November-2007, 02:41 PM
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What's you job?
Nothing cool, I'm just a teacher. There's no shame in being a teacher. Teacher have class.
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"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis Rovers forever! - ToSeek "Carl Sagan sent a message to ET, Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song
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23-November-2007, 02:13 PM
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Why did Obi-Wan join a Caribean band?
Becaue Boss Nass gave him a bongo!
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"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis Rovers forever! - ToSeek "Carl Sagan sent a message to ET, Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song
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23-November-2007, 02:45 PM
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Well this is dangerous, but still it is one of my favoutites in English. I will change it a little, maybe it avoids me from getting banned:
"What is the difference between American beer and making love on a boat?" "There is no difference, both is very close to water" (now replace very by a word not to be used on this forum) Hey wait ... stop throwing those beer cans at me .. ouch....
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Andre "They did not know it was impossible, so they did it!" Mark Twain Last edited by AndreH; 23-November-2007 at 02:47 PM. Reason: typos
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23-November-2007, 02:51 PM
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Why did the dumb pilot think Southwest was a clothing store?
Because somebody said working there would suit him!
__________________
"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis Rovers forever! - ToSeek "Carl Sagan sent a message to ET, Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song
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23-November-2007, 02:58 PM
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What did one astronaut say to another as they approached Venus?
"You'll like this place, I hear it has a lot of atmosphere."
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"If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction." Shakespeare, Twelfth Night Illuminati's Razor-The most complicatedly evil answer is usually the most correct answer. - Fazor "Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." - Mitch Hedberg "Distance doesn’t matter much in space, where if you just start a thing off with the right kind of shove, sooner or later it will get where you want it to go." -Frederik Pohl, Mining the Oort
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23-November-2007, 03:03 PM
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Who's vicious, British, and totally delicious?
Grand Moff Turkey'n!
__________________
"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis Rovers forever! - ToSeek "Carl Sagan sent a message to ET, Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song
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23-November-2007, 03:17 PM
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did you know that the answer to life the universe and everything was really 42.165482895106546735784567764433356842? but deepthought rounded it off because he didn't think people could handle that much truth.
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23-November-2007, 03:25 PM
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Quote:
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"If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction." Shakespeare, Twelfth Night Illuminati's Razor-The most complicatedly evil answer is usually the most correct answer. - Fazor "Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." - Mitch Hedberg "Distance doesn’t matter much in space, where if you just start a thing off with the right kind of shove, sooner or later it will get where you want it to go." -Frederik Pohl, Mining the Oort Last edited by Noclevername; 23-November-2007 at 08:56 PM.
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23-November-2007, 08:50 PM
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Where does Dracula go when he visits New York City?
The Vampire State Building!
__________________
"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis Rovers forever! - ToSeek "Carl Sagan sent a message to ET, Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song
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23-November-2007, 08:58 PM
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A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HORSE?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HORSE AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled-up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
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Reality: What a concept!……………………..><Ç(((Ç°>
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23-November-2007, 09:12 PM
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In Cambodia, it is all wok and no play.
__________________
"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis Rovers forever! - ToSeek "Carl Sagan sent a message to ET, Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song
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23-November-2007, 09:25 PM
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When white men discovered this country, Indians were running it...
No Taxes. No Debt. Women did most of the work. Indian men hunted and fished all the time! And then, white men were dumb enough to think they could improve a system like that.
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Reality: What a concept!……………………..><Ç(((Ç°>
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23-November-2007, 09:25 PM
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On Halloween, a "Martian", a "werewolf" and a "soldier" go into a restaurant. The "Martian" turns around and says
"Is this supposed to be a joke?"
__________________
"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis Rovers forever! - ToSeek "Carl Sagan sent a message to ET, Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song
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26-November-2007, 03:15 PM
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Harry & Sam are clams. Although they were best friends, Harry the Clam was a very good clam, and Sam was a very bad clam. In a tragic accident, both clams were killed. Harry, the good clam, went to Heaven. Sam, being a bad clam, went to Hell.
Six months pass. St. Peter was checking up on the newest entrants and had a chance to chat with Harry. "Harry, is everything good for you up here?" he asked. Harry replied, " Everything is perfect, and I don' t wish to complain, but I really miss by best friend Sam." St Peter offered " Why don't you get a pass and visit him for a few days?" Astonished, Harry inquired " How is this possible?" St Peter smiled "As an angel, you are given a special harp as a passport back into heaven. Just show the Pearly Gatekeeper the harp and you are admitted back in." Not believing his good fortune, Harry requested the harp, and proceeded down to the pits of Hell to see his old friend Sam. "Good to see you old friend! How is life in hell?" greeted Harry when he first saw Sam. " Fantastic! The people are great - and the nightlife, unbelievable! In fact, I own my own disco & night club down here. Want to come see it?" teased Sam. "Why not, as long as I have my passport harp, what can be the problem?" thought Harry, and off they went. After a week of reveling at the nightclub, Harry thought it prudent to get back up to heaven. Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates, Harry hollered at the closed gates, " Hey, it's Harry the clam, let me in!" The gatekeeper replied "Harry, if that's really you, where's your harp?" "Oh my gosh! " said Harry, and then he sang " I left my harp in Sam Clams disco."
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Thank God for magnetism.
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26-November-2007, 06:20 PM
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Quote:
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26-November-2007, 08:54 PM
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I told everybody your cowboy joke, MetalAvenger, and they all cracked up as much as I did.
__________________
"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis Rovers forever! - ToSeek "Carl Sagan sent a message to ET, Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song
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26-November-2007, 09:31 PM
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Quote:
__________________
"If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction." Shakespeare, Twelfth Night Illuminati's Razor-The most complicatedly evil answer is usually the most correct answer. - Fazor "Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." - Mitch Hedberg "Distance doesn’t matter much in space, where if you just start a thing off with the right kind of shove, sooner or later it will get where you want it to go." -Frederik Pohl, Mining the Oort
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