We used to have Bring Your Dinosaur to School Day in October at my school, but in '98 some kid brought a T-Rex that had been underfed and, well...
There were only five kids in the '99 graduating class.

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"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis
Rovers forever! - ToSeek
"Carl Sagan sent a message to ET,
Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility
Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity
Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song

Do you know why the astronauts were told never to put Dextre inside Kibo?
Because he'd say "Get out of my laboratory!"

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"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis
Rovers forever! - ToSeek
"Carl Sagan sent a message to ET,
Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility
Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity
Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song

After bringing her very sick husband to the emergency room, the doctor pulls the wife aside to talk with her alone. "Your husband is very sick, mam, but he can survive as long as you are willing to take care of him."
"Just tell me what I have to do," the wife says in tears.
"Your husband cannot exert any energy. he has to be fed, bathed, comforted, he can't even change his own socks."
When the wife returns to her husband he asked her what the doctor said, to which she replied, "Oh honey I am sorry, you are dying."

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Three men and a woman were applying for jobs at the CIA. They were each put in a room with their spouses and a gun and told that as a test of loyalty, they had to shoot their spouse. The first man couldn't even pick up the gun. The second man put his hand on the gun but then decided he couldn't do it. The third man picked up the gun, then broke down crying, as he couldn't do it either. As the training officers waited outside the room with the woman they heard her curse, followed by loud crashing and screaming. When she came out of the room they asked her what the noise was all about. She replied, "Well, I pulled the trigger but apparently the gun wasn't loaded so I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Paddy runs into the pub and shouts to Mick." Somebody has stolen your car". Mick says "did you see who did it"? Paddy says "No but I got the registration number"!

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Great minds discuss ideas,average minds discuss events,small minds discuss people.Admiral Hyman Rickover.USN.

"Make the most of every day like it could be your last, enjoy each others companyas this will make good memories for when we pass". chrissy

What's big, lives on Utapau, and wears a jetpack?
Boga Fett!

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"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis
Rovers forever! - ToSeek
"Carl Sagan sent a message to ET,
Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility
Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity
Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song

...Okay, I had to google "Utapau" to get that one. I thought it was a Hawaiian name.

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"If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction."
Shakespeare, Twelfth Night
Illuminati's Razor-The most complicatedly evil answer is usually the most correct answer. - Fazor
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." - Mitch Hedberg
"Distance doesn’t matter much in space, where if you just start a thing off with the right kind of shove, sooner or later it will get where you want it to go." -Frederik Pohl, Mining the Oort

What did the male mushroom tell the female mushroom?

Don't worry I'm a fungi

(fun guy)

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Show me the money
_

Never explain a joke!

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Any day you wake up on "the right side of the dirt" is a good day.

T. Anderson

I didn't want to, but I only did because I've heard people before pronounce incorrectly as 'fun-ge'. I also don't see what the great disappoint is in me doing so. Did you like it?

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Show me the money
_

Well, considering it was the 986th time I heard it, not including the times I told it . . .

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Any day you wake up on "the right side of the dirt" is a good day.

T. Anderson

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs!

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Show me the money
_

Difference between heaven and hell:

In heaven:

French are the cooks
Italians are the lovers
English are the policemen
Germans organise everything

In hell:

French are the policemen
English the cooks
Germans the lovers
and the Italians organise everything

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Andre

"They did not know it was impossible, so they did it!"
Mark Twain

An intern is bothering a doctor he's supposed to be job shadowing by asking pointless questions. Finally he asks
"Doctor, how long is it possible to live without a brain?"
"I don't know, how old are you?"

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"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis
Rovers forever! - ToSeek
"Carl Sagan sent a message to ET,
Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility
Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity
Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song

What comics did Tesla like to read?
Must have been Marvel, we know he didn't like DC.

(Insert groan)

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"If you think the LHC will create black holes, you might as well believe Hobbits are at the bottom of your garden."- Dr. Mike Inglis
Rovers forever! - ToSeek
"Carl Sagan sent a message to ET,
Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility
Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity
Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song

Conversely, Edison liked DC, While the Black Stallion and Black Beauty both liked Dark Horse Comics.
Here's one for ye olde computer players.
What is a Zork players least favorite comic book character?

Groo

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Should Groo be allowed to vote?

I don't know, I am in the dark about that, and likely to be eaten by a grue.
However, Groo does, what Groo does best.
Another joke,
What is a Grues' favorite colour?
Grue! (But not Bleen)

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True story...

Bono, up front of U2 at a Scottish concert, started slow clapping his hands near the microphone. After a bit everyone went quiet &, still clapping, he leaned over to the kic & said, 'every time I clap my hands, a child dies in Africa.

A broad Scottish voice called out from the audience... 'Then stop ******* clapping your hands!'

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* Never doubt there is Truth; just doubt that you have it!

Two men walk into a bar...

you'd think the 2nd one would have ducked!

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* Never doubt there is Truth; just doubt that you have it!

yes. nice joke.

i would have thought that not all BAUTers are so conversant with 'usage' of English or another language not one's 'mother tongue'.....
...so thanx....
and in reciprocation....i'll tell you the one my baby son told me.
he's a ' fun guy' too. a real hoot....the way he expressed. i love it.

f: daddy, what do the cows do on saturdays?
me: um .. ah.. gee i..i..i..i don't know...what DO they do?
f: they go to the moooovies!
(his eyes lighting up at the punch-line!)

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clear skies

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. CARL SAGAN