"I wouldn't mind being the last man on Earth--- Just to see if all the girls were telling the truth.

Hmm...

"I wouldn't mind being the last woman on Earth--- Just to see if all the men were telling the truth."

Woman: "If you were the last man on Earth, and I were the last woman, the human race would die out!"

Man: "Well, we could always adopt."

__________________
"If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction."
Shakespeare, Twelfth Night
Illuminati's Razor-The most complicatedly evil answer is usually the most correct answer. - Fazor
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." - Mitch Hedberg
"Distance doesn’t matter much in space, where if you just start a thing off with the right kind of shove, sooner or later it will get where you want it to go." -Frederik Pohl, Mining the Oort

watch out for a new email scame:

someone emails you saying, "I have 50 marsbars that i need to get out of the country but my gran needs a few dollars for the postage. If you wire me the money; you can have 6 mars bars"

beware; this is the nugarian scam.

__________________
Brian's mother: He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!

It's pretty obvious that it's a fraud, if you pay attention; there aren't enough drinkers on Mars to open even one bar.

__________________
"If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction."
Shakespeare, Twelfth Night
Illuminati's Razor-The most complicatedly evil answer is usually the most correct answer. - Fazor
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." - Mitch Hedberg
"Distance doesn’t matter much in space, where if you just start a thing off with the right kind of shove, sooner or later it will get where you want it to go." -Frederik Pohl, Mining the Oort

What do astronauts, human cannonballs and models have in common?

They all love to get shot.

__________________
"If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction."
Shakespeare, Twelfth Night
Illuminati's Razor-The most complicatedly evil answer is usually the most correct answer. - Fazor
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." - Mitch Hedberg
"Distance doesn’t matter much in space, where if you just start a thing off with the right kind of shove, sooner or later it will get where you want it to go." -Frederik Pohl, Mining the Oort

Just picture this:
Bart Sibrel bothering Bruce Banner.

__________________
Rovers forever! - ToSeek
"Carl Sagan sent a message to ET,
Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility
Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity
Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song
'Evolution and science are one thing, but you don’t mess with Yoko Ono. Everybody knows that. ' - 386sx

How many BAUTers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to change the bulb, the rest to nitpick about how it should have been changed.

__________________
"If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction."
Shakespeare, Twelfth Night
Illuminati's Razor-The most complicatedly evil answer is usually the most correct answer. - Fazor
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." - Mitch Hedberg
"Distance doesn’t matter much in space, where if you just start a thing off with the right kind of shove, sooner or later it will get where you want it to go." -Frederik Pohl, Mining the Oort

__________________
Andre

"They did not know it was impossible, so they did it!"
Mark Twain

How many BAUTers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Dunno. We never did figure out what forum to put that discussion in. Can anyone phrase this in the form of a defensible ATM?

(Lame, I know. But my "good" joke is probably not suitable for the board.)

__________________
[Dr. Horrible]___________________________[Penny]
Listen close to everybody's heart________And you believe there's good in everybody's heart
And hear that breaking sound_____________Keep it safe and sound
Hopes and dreams are shattering apart____With hope you can do your part
And crashing to the ground_______________To turn a life around

And your suitable joke isn't... never mind.

__________________
"If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction."
Shakespeare, Twelfth Night
Illuminati's Razor-The most complicatedly evil answer is usually the most correct answer. - Fazor
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." - Mitch Hedberg
"Distance doesn’t matter much in space, where if you just start a thing off with the right kind of shove, sooner or later it will get where you want it to go." -Frederik Pohl, Mining the Oort

Is that one of the wilder versions of your jokes?

I don't feel elevated.

Too late!

__________________
A person's name, or a mark representing it, as signed personally or by deputy, as in subscribing a letter or other document.

How many burglers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but you need to post a guard to make sure he doesn't steal the lightbulb!

__________________
Rovers forever! - ToSeek
"Carl Sagan sent a message to ET,
Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility
Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity
Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song
'Evolution and science are one thing, but you don’t mess with Yoko Ono. Everybody knows that. ' - 386sx

__________________
At night the stars put on a show for free (Carole King)

Yeah, but I expressed it more elegantly.

__________________
"If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction."
Shakespeare, Twelfth Night
Illuminati's Razor-The most complicatedly evil answer is usually the most correct answer. - Fazor
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." - Mitch Hedberg
"Distance doesn’t matter much in space, where if you just start a thing off with the right kind of shove, sooner or later it will get where you want it to go." -Frederik Pohl, Mining the Oort

Here’s to the bee that stung the bull,
And started the bull to bucking.
Here’s to Eve who ate the apple,
And started the world to eating apples.

__________________
Reality: What a concept!……………………..><Ç(((Ç°>

How did regifting begin?
The gods gave fire to Prometheus.
Prometheus gave fire to the humans.

__________________
Rovers forever! - ToSeek
"Carl Sagan sent a message to ET,
Neil Armstrong walked in the Sea of Tranquility
Steve Squyers built Spirit and Opportunity
Dan Haylen upchucked in zero gravity." -Brent Simon, The Space Camp Song
'Evolution and science are one thing, but you don’t mess with Yoko Ono. Everybody knows that. ' - 386sx

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5,000 at a reincarnation seminar. I got to thinking,"what the hell, you only live once."

I was goung to buy a copy of "The Power Of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: "What the hell good would that do?"

I dont know much jokes but i must say thanks to you guys for making me laugh.

__________________
Advertising sig removed by moderator

Welcome, DM! Laughter's a good way to get started.

__________________
"If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction."
Shakespeare, Twelfth Night
Illuminati's Razor-The most complicatedly evil answer is usually the most correct answer. - Fazor
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read." - Mitch Hedberg
"Distance doesn’t matter much in space, where if you just start a thing off with the right kind of shove, sooner or later it will get where you want it to go." -Frederik Pohl, Mining the Oort