Originally Posted by Moose

A friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move... the body.

Originally Posted by whirlpool

But really, when can you say they are True to you , or they're just using you for something in return

Originally Posted by Kaptain K

A friend will come visit you in jail.
A best friend will sit in jail with you and say "man we were stupid"!

Originally Posted by filrabat

This might blur the definition and characteristics of “friend”, but here it goes:

Friend:

*Someone whom you can trust to treat you like a human being who has a head, heart, and most of all, feelings.

*Someone who appreciates you for who you are despite whatever beliefs or shortcomings you may have.

*Someone with whom you can talk about ANYTHING and still be deeply accepted, no matter how controversial or unpopular WITHOUT substantial scorn from them.

*Someone who has a strong sense of empathy and sympathy for you and for those with social standing well below they themselves their “lesser” (more about this shortly

*Someone who still wants you in your life WITH OR WITHOUT action, excitement, and fun times.

Originally Posted by filrabat

This might blur the definition and characteristics of “friend”, but here it goes:

Friend:

*Someone whom you can trust to treat you like a human being who has a head, heart, and most of all, feelings.

*Someone who appreciates you for who you are despite whatever beliefs or shortcomings you may have.

*Someone with whom you can talk about ANYTHING and still be deeply accepted, no matter how controversial or unpopular WITHOUT substantial scorn from them.

*Someone who has a strong sense of empathy and sympathy for you and for those with social standing well below they themselves their “lesser” (more about this shortly

*Someone who still wants you in your life WITH OR WITHOUT action, excitement, and fun times.




In the end, you can never be 100% sure; so you have to play a kind of probability game, however subjective the standards are. Trust your instincts and your previous life experience (although realize that both need occasional updating as you go through life).

Anyway, I take the approach of looking at the personality characteristics of the person before I have anything deeply emotional to do with them. I would say the following are what you should watch out for in potential “fake friends”. While not all people who have or are the following are going to be horrid, my life’s experience tells me that people with these traits are more likely than the general population to be fake friends. Certainly, I’d have as little to do with them if they have the following traits.

THE NUMBER ONE TRAIT to watch out for: A strong pickiness toward those not meeting mass-society’s standards for the following: power, status, charisma/charm, intelligence, prestige, fashion sense, attractiveness, or otherwise social appeal, whether formal or informal. This is especially true if it goes beyond mere pickiness into finger-pointy judgmentalism, and especially contempt toward them. The more scornful they are of those traits and the people who have them, the less likely they are to tolerate of your own shortcomings; which in turn means you’ll be more likely to hide from these “friends” your own less-than-appealing traits. This inhibits your ability to communicate with them, which in turn leads to increasing distrust, hurtfulness, and anger. Once again, if they are going to be hurtful toward “undesirables”, then they’re likely to dish out some kind of raw deal toward YOU eventually

But what about personality traits of such scornful people? Again, there is not 100% accurate way to determine it, but I found people with the following traits are more likely to be fair-weathered friends

*Superficially charming, bubbly, polished, classy, etc.; especially if part of a glory-getting, tight-knit celebrity-of-the-scene / life-of-the-party clique

*Thrill-seeking personality, “glory hog”, always on-the-go, etc; especially if they always seem to be in the spotlight or engage in activities that give them “bragging rights” or otherwise make great “water-cooler or office conversation”.

*Overawed by power, charisma, wealth, glamour, sex appeal, fashion, aesthetic appeal, physical prowess, photogenicity, and similar such tings

*Prone to say stuff that’s entertaining, amusing, or otherwise impressive; but unlikely to be true.

*Fond of asserting power and control in some way, especially for an adrenaline rush or an ego boost.

*Low frustration tolerance.

*Hates complex explanations, even when justified.

*Sees discussions as an adversarial activity rather than an educational one.

Again, while not all people who have a lot of these traits will be a “fake friend”, I would be VERY careful about trusting someone with those traits. The only sure sign of a “fake friend” is if she consistently treats you in a horrid or otherwise disrespectful manner even if she claims to be your friend, even if she does things for you that seem to be your friend (in the latter case, their “concern” about your feelings isn’t true concern at all -- it’s just an act, something to give you just enough evidence to keep you giving her the benefit of the doubt -- NOT a good sign at all, so cut your losses and leave immediately)

Originally Posted by filrabat

This might blur the definition and characteristics of “friend”, but here it goes:

Friend:

*Someone whom you can trust to treat you like a human being who has a head, heart, and most of all, feelings.

*Someone who appreciates you for who you are despite whatever beliefs or shortcomings you may have.

*Someone with whom you can talk about ANYTHING and still be deeply accepted, no matter how controversial or unpopular WITHOUT substantial scorn from them.
*Someone who has a strong sense of empathy and sympathy for you and for those with social standing well below they themselves their “lesser” (more about this shortly

*Someone who still wants you in your life WITH OR WITHOUT action, excitement, and fun times.

snip.....

Originally Posted by Noclevername

There is no fixed definition. Each individual has their own standards of friendship, and each person can only be judged by their actions in specific situations. It's a subjective and endlessly variable concept.

Originally Posted by AndreH

I guess this is true. But wasn't that the question of the OT?

Originally Posted by Neverfly

Filrabat, here you described yourself as that which you avoid. I DO understand where you are coming from. Yet your arguments in the first section spoke of the "unconditional" and the second section was about judging others and avoiding them.

Originally Posted by filrabat

Again, while not all people who have a lot of these traits will be a “fake friend”, I would be VERY careful about trusting someone with those traits. The only sure sign of a “fake friend” is if she consistently treats you in a horrid or otherwise disrespectful manner

Originally Posted by Peptron

None of my friends have any characteristics that filrabat listed, and I tend to flee those people like plague.

Originally Posted by filrabat

Actually I started the post out with Positive definitions of a friend. I don't define myself by what I am not. She simply asked how you know if someone really is your friend rather than just someone who's using you.

As for my lists, I find no contradiction. The traits of an unconditional friend contained nothing that was found in the "warning signs of fake friend". In the latter, I even said
I don't see where I'm being judgmental about my list of warning signs (as i see them)regarding fake friends. People with certain personality traits and attitudes are more likely to pull a screw jobs on people. Therefore, I see it as proper risk management. Now if I said that ALL, or even 99% of such people were like that, THEN I'd agree it is judgmental (though I think people who hold the great majority of those "negative traits" is a warning sign saying "Proceed With Caution! Higher than Normal chance of this person being a fake friend". The issue is honesty and integrity, not run of the mill obnoxiousness. Dishonesty and Lack of Integrity certainly ARE signs of fakeness.

Who knows? Maybe I'm totally off base with this list. Even so, I'm going by what my own life's experience tells me.

Originally Posted by Neverfly

You're completely right, it's two sides of the same coin.

I think I read it wrong the first time. There are indeed warning signs and only a fool would ignore them. When I first read it I think I read it as 'always avoid when you see these signs' andI also knew that isn't always the case either.

A little discrimination is necessary.