Now for something completely different...

I have the "emotional IQ" of a carrot. I do alright once I get a good read on a person. Off the bat - not so much. I guess I prefer developing interpersonal relationships slowly - which is a good thing - but the are occasions where instant reads are useful.

So how do you folks gauge romantic interest? How do you show romantic interest? For those with romantic partners, how did you first realize your spouse had an interest?

I am hoping for something of a systematic approach - not advice to the lovelorn.

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In the progress of this discussion I shall endeavor to give a satisfactory answer to all the objections which shall have made their appearance, that may seem to have any claim to your attention.

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The eyes have it! "Doc Love" has one:

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You'll know something is up if the other person calls/emails/talks to you a lot, mostly about stuff that's not important. In other words, they're craving your attention. How to respond? Do the same.

If the person is around you look at the body language, do they try to keep eye contact?Do their pupils dilate? Do they lower the eyelids and look from under the lashes? Do they smile a lot?Do they try to keep you in their conversation? Question you about what you like? Do they tilt the head playfully when talking to you? What are the hands doing? Do they touch you (pat your arm or hand) or stroke your shoulder or remover fluff of a tie(that isnt there)? Some people touch your hair and hands, some touch their own hair and their mouths!
If a person is interested they will flirt with by doing some of the above and will stand closer to you than a friend, always holding your attention. Some are like anoying puppys wriggling and yattering around you, following you around, turning up at places you go. Some will be more shy and only give a few signals like the lowered eyelids and smiles occasionally seeing you but trying not to be too obviouse, or to become a pain.(or a stalker)
I personally have to be hit by a truck as I am always running away (had too many cranks chase me or hurt me) I do the lowered eyelids and smiles but I have a fear of rejection so I tend to stay behind folded arms. mind the eye contact, I hold when I am in conversation with most people is quite intense,so much so that it can make people uncomfortable. this is so I can read their eyes and facial expressions.
Romance doesnt exist in men, its a fantasy.

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Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re. (Gentle in manner, resolute in execution)

Varium et mutabile semper foemina. (Woman is a ever changeful and capricious thing)

Speak for yourself!

As a bloke I'd say the above answers are pretty good and are all good "tells", most girls i've known don't tend to touch people unless they are interested in them, offering your hand to help them over a stile (or instance) is a good indicator; they are more likely to refuse the help if not interested, or hang on longer if interested.

touching their lips a lot with the tip of their tongue is another tell.

Asking them if they want to do something unlikely, fossil-hunting/canoeing/bird watching/looking for shooting stars/walking on Dartmoor has always been a good indicator to me, if they fancy you they will agree at least once.

A lunchtime drink is lower on pressure than an evening one as it's easier to have an excuse to leave afterwards.

blushing is good if they ask why you are blushing and you can say "because I fancy you", -if you have the nerve.

My current partner was someone I'd known for a long time and I asked her if she wanted to go to a mutual friends wedding, and it continued from there (15yrs ago now).

At the end of the day there is a good chance that if you are nervous so are they, so take a chance.

It is far too easy not to make a move in case you get rejected (which doesn't feel nice), but then you never know so it doesn't get you anywhere.

good luck.

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Life is its own god.

Can you please ask the voices in your head to keep the noise down?

Ok Im a girl!!!! not a batman, or a fella or guy. I ride a motorbike and like things most guys like and I dont really like girls much!!!! They moan too much and like pink things. I love manly men and inteligent men but you lot are so hard to get near and near impossible to read! But to me women want to be wanted, complimented and spoken to on a equal term.
Neverfly, I have never had flowers from a man! chocolates! a romantic meal! a gentle stroke to my face! a kiss on the neck!a nice suprise! or a christmas pressy he went and bought for me! a poem! a intelligent compliment! (had plenty of joe average comments) Maybe its because as a girl I believe romance is what writers invented to sell books and ping womens hearts.

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Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re. (Gentle in manner, resolute in execution)

Varium et mutabile semper foemina. (Woman is a ever changeful and capricious thing)

If it's not said in plain English or whatever other plain ordinary language is used locally, then it's nothing. All else is simply too unreliable.

Yep. If I'm not told, I haven't a clue.

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Quaeso quousque humi defixa tua mens erit? Nonne aspicis, quae in templa veneris?

I just assume that everyone wants me until I learn differently
Actually, I am usually clueless, or was, before I got married. Now I just don't pay attention. As for the person to which I am married, I wasn't sure how he felt, I seized the opportunity, kissed him, and when he kissed me back, it was safe to assume he had the same feelings.
I think some subtle hints to suggest they like you are excuses to make physical contact. They say picking lint off a person is a sign of affection. When you catch them watching you, even when you are not the temporary focus of a group, that could be a suggestion. subtle voice changes when addressing you or saying your name. When a woman touches her face a lot, she is feeling extremely self conscious. It isn't always the case but sometimes, it could mean she likes a person she is around. In my case, when I would be around a guy I had a crush on, I would have a perpetual cool aide grin that I couldn't get rid of and my vocal cords would tense up from being nervous and I would sound like flipper woman. Hope it helps...

Thats not really true, to know if some one is interested in you, you cant just expect someone to come out with it straight to the point! It would be easyer if that is how it was.
So do you walk right up to a girl (if your a guy) and say, Hi I really like you and want to start a relationship with you!
Wow if you do your a new variation on man!!!

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Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re. (Gentle in manner, resolute in execution)

Varium et mutabile semper foemina. (Woman is a ever changeful and capricious thing)

Why do you think I have trouble in that area? I need to be told.

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Quaeso quousque humi defixa tua mens erit? Nonne aspicis, quae in templa veneris?

it's different for everyone. Romance is what moves people. My idea of romance is when my husband takes over the after dinner chores for no particular reason, turns the tv off, puts on some music and just chats. I know he is really trying when he opens my playlist and not his. No he is not selfish, his point is, we both like metal but only I like soft rock. I am not into flowers and candlelit dinners, it feels to intentional and generic. I did have a guy sing to me once. It was the most awkward 4 minutes of my life. I didn't know where to look.

I do not think that romance is dead, in men, women are just hung up on Harlequin garbage that they fail to see it in it's most honest form.

I resent that a little bit because it is such a generalization. I love pink, it looks and makes me feel cozy. I am also a bit of a motorhead. Had no choice, had to hang with the boys because I was the only girl in the neighborhood. If I wanted to hang out after school, I had to join their world.
My husband never could understand why I was so paranoid about what he was talking about when I wasn't around. I finally explained this to him:
The cool thing about having mostly guy friends is, I know what they talk about when their girlfriends aren't around. The bad thing is, I know what they talk about when their girlfriends aren't around.

So you would have to be persued and hints like bombs droped or a mate sent over to you to tell you some one wanted to get to know you? The giant banner in the sky of a plane to say,I am interested in you!
Mind I always run away from guys after I smile and do the eyething, maybe thats why they never come after me, they are like you!!!!

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Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re. (Gentle in manner, resolute in execution)

Varium et mutabile semper foemina. (Woman is a ever changeful and capricious thing)

It would be a bit freaky if someone you barely knew came up and said that as opposed to, "would you like to go out some time?" But kind of, yeah, if you know someone rather well, what's wrong with not saying it in plain English? sometimes it ends good, sometimes it ends bad, but it's better then playing games. Most of the people I dated started off and ended better off, as friends. It's not just a guy thing, though. I would say I instigated about half of the relationships I have been in.

ummm....systematic approach???

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The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. ~ Ernest Hemingway ...

Yes - that's exactly what I want. It's much clearer, there's no beating around the bush. Both parties know what's going on. Why hint and bat eyes when you can just communicate?

Yes, many guys probably are like me. In fact, I know it.

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Quaeso quousque humi defixa tua mens erit? Nonne aspicis, quae in templa veneris?

This topic came up recently on the Dr. Helen (wife of the InstaPundit and a psychologist) blog. She referenced an article and asked "Are Guys Really "Clueless" when it Comes to Reading Sexual Cues?" Since the article seems to have been written by a misandrist, the answer is yes.

My reply is that basic communications theory states that every message has a sender, the content, and the receiver. Blaming men for not being able to understand the content (sexual clues in this case) is simply incorrect. It is the sender's responsibility to consider the audience (the receiver) and tailor the content accordingly. Men aren't clueless - women are apparently poor communicators!

Say what you mean and mean what you say. It's surprising how much confusion and misunderstanging that will eliminate (but shouldn't be)! Don't expect anyone to read your mind (e.g. "If he loved me, he'd know what I want.). If I could read minds, I wouldn't be hanging out here. I'd be cleaning up at the poker tables in Vegas.

My wife is an excellent communicator (with the exception of having trouble with personal pronouns - they don't have them in her native language) most of the time. She has told me several times not to buy her flowers. Instead, she just wants me to give her the cash that I would've spent on the flowers. Very practical lady, my darling wife. One year on Valentine's Day, she kissed me as we woke and said, "I love you. You know that, right? Now, do you know where Zales is?" Zales is a jewelry store. I got the message. No, I didn't know where Zales was but I found out and acted appropriately.

Fledermaus, I'm sorry you have not (yet) received those nice things. But it's a bit unfair to generalize from that to say romance is absent in all men. I've given all those things to my fiancee both before and after our engagement. Well, maybe not that last one. I like to think I've given her intelligent compliments, but she may disagree

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