Dear helpful people,

I have lived with summer allergies my whole life. I have them under control. I do not need your suggestions on how to deal with them. Especially if you have no clue what allergies are, and think I'm somehow sick. You would do me a much greater favour by simply not mentioning it and not making me explain over and over how I'm allergic to the pollens certain plants produce when in bloom, and then looking at me like I have three heads when I tell you it's normal, and I'm not sick.

That is all,

- J

NOTE: This isn't directed at members of this board. It is merely a vent. This is actually directed at certain co-workers of mine who can't seem to help but chime in with unhelpful "suggestions" every time I excuse myself to have a sneezing fit in the hall.

And I'd like to thank all my co-workers that offer suggestions as to how to improve my chronic back pain.

Thanks, but no thanks. I don't care to repeatedly explain all the tests and procedures I've undergone that render these suggestions unhelpful. Besides, it's personal and none of your business.

I'd like to thank everyone that comments on how I make my oatmeal in the morning at work.

Yes, I'm cooking my oatmeal in the microwave. Yes, I know there's a hot water tap on the coffee machine. The thing is, I don't make instant oatmeal, I make quick-cooking oatmeal, so the hot water tap just won't work for me, thanks. No, really, it won't. Really.

Yes, I have to watch the oatmeal very carefully as it cooks. I speak from experience: it is no fun cleaning up oatmeal when it climbs up the side of the container I'm cooking it in and spills over into the microwave.

Why the heck is everyone so interested in how I cook my breakfast, anyway?

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Yes, they laughed at Einstein, but only because of his silly hairstyle; no one was actually laughing at his science.

I'd like to thank people for telling me I should eat breakfast.

Yes, I know we've all been taught it's the most important meal of the day.

I still get sick to my stomach if I eat anything within one hour from waking up. Give me my tea and glass of water and let me be.

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[Foot mouth in put]
Si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses.

AKHCK! Flashbacks to co-workers at the job I left several months ago to return to school, giving me suggestions about my return to school and getting a job that's related to it while I'm at it and my subsequent career... even though I was the only person at that place who had already actually investigated it all!

Wow, I thought that was just me (except for me it's about a 2-3 hour buffer...though I've found it's more about "active time" than "awake time"). When there's a family function, or visitors from out of state, they always want to have breakfast right away, then act like I'm anorexic if I say I don't want anything. I'd be considered obese by the way, though I still insist it's just round giggly muscle in my stomache...Point is, it's quite obvious that I love to eat, just not in the morning. Somehow that apparently makes me some sort of non-breakfast eating freak.

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I'm like one of those idiot savants...well, except for the savant part.

Theory of Zombie Relativity:
1) Everyone Else is a Zombie relative to You
2) Whether or not it matters is related to the inverse square of the distance between their teeth and your brain
(Quoted from Demigrog)

It's more common than you think. My boyfriend is the same.

"Have some breakfast!"
"No, thanks."
"You have to eat something!"
"I'd really rather not, thanks."
"Just something. A small piece of bread."
"Mom, I get sick."
"Some yoghurt maybe?"
"NO, THANKS!"

Repeat ad nauseam (either by giving in and eating something or mom getting grumpy at me for not eating). This has been going on all my life (well, until I moved out anyway) so you'd think she would have caught on by now.

And people wonder why I'm so grumpy in the morning...

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[Foot mouth in put]
Si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses.

For a certain person who tried to help me with the gardening after downing a half pint of brandy, trod on my rare suculents, then called me "ungrateful" when I told you to get the hell out of here, know this, if it weren't for the fact you're in your mid-fifties my foot and your butt would have had a major impact event.

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"The beauty of that discussion of averages is that you don't have to be an expert in Apollo or in photography in order to see where this time study "analysis" breaks down. You just have to be, well...not an idiot." -JayUtah

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who has to suffer these fools. Misery loves company and all that.

Fun fact: this thread was inspired by a rather self-absorbed 'friend' who, after hearing me sneeze this morning, proceeded to corral me for twenty minutes in my own office to blather about some Nepalese herbal remedy he used when he had a cold in 1980. I may have been a little annoyed.

- J

Sometimes I deliberately write in sentence fragments. When both people and machines point this out I get angry. And turn green.

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The Devil offered me power. I told him I preferred aperture.

Dammit Mike pick an avatar already! Your hurting my brain!

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"The beauty of that discussion of averages is that you don't have to be an expert in Apollo or in photography in order to see where this time study "analysis" breaks down. You just have to be, well...not an idiot." -JayUtah

jokergirl...parents are the same the world over. i recall my mom too having similar reactions. and thinking i am hoity-toity grumpy. gives me a bit more rope now though.
now, my baby's left overs are delicious, with a cup of tea, of course.

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clear skies

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. CARL SAGAN

jokergirl & Fazor(& mahesh! been trying to post this for 5 minutes!), I also can't abide eating for a couple of hours after waking, & would like to sincearly thank those who maintain breakfast is the most important meal of the day (for everybody!) from the heart of my bottom.

Oh, & thank you to the avatar figits who mess with my head also..

When I'm furniture moving I eat like a horse morning, noon and night. When I'm not, like now, I don't like to eat until 11 or so. Though coffee is my drink in the morning. Perked, not dripped.

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"The beauty of that discussion of averages is that you don't have to be an expert in Apollo or in photography in order to see where this time study "analysis" breaks down. You just have to be, well...not an idiot." -JayUtah

This 'friend' - he's still among the living?

I'd like to thank all the people without medical training who know more about all my health conditions than I do. That "don't eat white potatoes, eat red potatoes" advice? Great. Thank you. St. John's Wort? Oh, no, it's not contraindicated for bipolar disorder at all. No worries. And, yes, I'll make a note to just cheer up.

I'd like to thank all the people who tell me not to care about movies or grammar or trivia. I'll just stop, then, shall I? I'm sure your interest in American Idol is much more important. I'll stop being interested in history, while I'm at it. Heck, I'll just change who I am entirely, just to suit you.

Oh, and special thanks to my mom. No, of course I didn't want to see my child two weeks ago, and no, you shouldn't've bothered to even tell me that you were going to. Yes, my apartment is hopelessly cluttered, and yes, I should get rid of my books. And, no, I didn't really want to see you for more than about seven hours after about seven years. Why would I?

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Gillian

"Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

"You can't erase icing."

"I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"

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Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.

Ah, the rare double contraction. The language LIVES!

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Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.

Oscar was sitting on a park bench, munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Oscar replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'

Oscar answered, 'No, he minded his own <removed inappropriate language> business.

A thing of beauty.