Ok , after a lot of thought, I'm pulling out somethings that has been on mind these past few days.

Relationships. Yes, We all have this, in different kinds. Personal, family, friends, etc. I will be talking about Personal Relationship. This goes with the Love vs Hate Thread.

It says in a song, " How do you keep the music playing?" .

Entering a relationship is a decision that the two person in love make. It's an agreement clear to both parties involved. We all know that there are ups and downs in it . It isn't a bed of roses too. And there will be outside factors that will challenge , shake , and try to break that agreement and not only outside but the couple involved too because they are two different individual with different personalities. But this will all depend on the 2 persons involved on how they will fight it and stand side by side to make this relationship work, right?

I am amaze on the couples I know who are still together for a long time, like a decade or more.

I am a single parent , got into a couple of relationships that didn't worked out. I mean , the feeling sucks but I just have to move on with my life.

How do you make a relationship work out?
When things get rough and shaky, do you still fight for it and hold on?
How/When can you say that a relationship is worth fighting for?

Is there a baseline or a walk-away point that will define that this is the end?

My thoughts are scattered at this moment, I have to pull it together , but I hope you understand what I am trying to say.

Pls bear with me . I'll be driving home in a little while. And will get back as soon as I get home to read your posts.

It's quite easy, really. If you are in genuinely in love with your partner, you will want more for him/her than you do for yourself, so making things work, jumping on your selfishness, banishing your egotistical side from your life, making compromises, etc., isn't hard to do -- it's a pleasure.

By genuinely in love, I don't mean just being in lust. There's a massive difference. The latter can occur almost instantly and usually makes us selfish, the former takes time and makes us unselfish. We learn to love unconditionally.

The trouble with falling in lust for the first time is that it is such a geat big, amazing chemical high and is all to do with perpetuation of the species, that we can believe it is the greatest thing that has ever happened to us and that it will last for ever. But it doesn't. Couples that say, "It was love at first sight," (like my parents did) probably fell in lust first and love later, and never noticed the difference.

There's a saying, love is blind. No, lust is blind. It can blind us to logic, good sense, good advice and other things. Love usually lets them come through.

Also, from my own experience, that of others I've discussed it with, and from my observations of many marriages, I'd say that as a general rule, most males aren't ready to settle down with anyone until at least their mid-twenties and a little younger for females, and neither are capable of being a good partner until they've been in love three times. However, like all general rules there are exceptions, and some of those are absolutely brilliant.

Regarding break-ups and hurts, there's a good saying:
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.

Generally, if a couple agree to have just a trial separation for a short time, that's it. It's over. Many couples who break up get back together again when they shouldn't, because they miss the good times and the intimacy, and hate being out in the cold. We have to put up with that and get over it. The best remedy for a broken relationship is to have a few brief flings with different partners, and the worst things to do are try to get into a big relationship quickly, or try to replace that former partner with a carbon copy. It won't happen. Everyone is different. Broken hearts mend, but it takes time.

I know how it feels.

Being in a long distance relationship is not only talking to each other everyday but being with each other if the opportunity arrives .
You have a different situation, you both love each other and don't want to break up . And that is really painful, you don't have the means to be together. But it's far better than other situation isn't it ? That when one partner doesn't want to give up and want to fight for the relationship but the other doesn't want to and there are reasons underlying that. It is painful to the person who still loves , I don't know if it's feels the same with the other.

Either way , those are both painful.

Part of Life's not being fair? Maybe.

You know, if you pick the wrong person even that won't be enough. Marry someone that changes to an alcoholic or has a traumatic experience that changes their personality - and you may change your mind.


things ain't always easy.



And in reality most people enter relationships not loving, nor even lusting, so much. Most people enter for companionship, and that's what we all want anyway isn't it? True love exists, but it's rare.

__________________
"I will do my best to understand and explain the universe from big to small without invoking miracles, unrepeatable events, or divine intervention. In place of those things I will use observations, mathematics, and science."


-Cross
My travel blog

Some of my Astrophotography


Those that lack education have a hard time understanding its value. - Cross

And entering into a relationship is like gambling. There will be risks. You opened yourself to experience the love and the hurt . It's a journey. And every journey has it's lessons.

I know that, was just putting it in perspective for Kiwi.


I've had a very serious relationship where rings and wedding dress was bought, but before the date something happened. I've also tried casual relationships where both people knew there was no long term future.

Personally I'd like to find the right person to stick with for the rest of my life, but being lonely in the mean time is no fun either. What are we to do?

__________________
"I will do my best to understand and explain the universe from big to small without invoking miracles, unrepeatable events, or divine intervention. In place of those things I will use observations, mathematics, and science."


-Cross
My travel blog

Some of my Astrophotography


Those that lack education have a hard time understanding its value. - Cross

I was recently in a long-distance relationship; the relationship as a whole has lasted five years, including the ~1-2 years that we were apart. Frankly, the relationship has been under strain of one kind or another almost since the beginning and is only now starting to settle into something without it. But we're still together. Even a strain-free version of the relationship still has to deal with my medical problems, too.

So how and why are we still together? Compromise. You have to know what to give up and when, and you have to know where to stand your ground. It's not easy, and it changes regularly. But on Saturday, I just helped celebrate the marriage of two very good friends (they've been together for ten years), and I've watched what their relationship has in common with my own; it's compromise. Ditto my grandparents, both sets. It took one of my grandmothers some time to learn it, I think--my grandfather was both her first and fourth husband--but in the end, that's what held them together.

__________________
Gillian

"Now everyone was giving her that kind of look UFOlogists get when they suddenly say, 'Hey, if you shade your eyes you can see it is just a flock of geese after all.'"

"You can't erase icing."

"I can't believe it doesn't work! I found it on the internet, man!"

Woah! You're already off on the wrong foot, as historically, most relationships weren't necessarily about "love," much less "being in love," but rather, they were about mutual benefit with someone who's honor one could trust. Only recently has "love" eclipsed other reasons, and then we must ask, "what is love?"

I could speak volumes, but let me summarize: There's brotherly love (you'd do almost anything for your best friend), heartfelt love (being "in" love), agape love (caring about, and for, another regardless of what you may or may not receive in return), and sibling/familial love (this is what a kid means when he/she says, "Daddy, I love you.")

Even today, people enter into relationships on any of the first three, and sometimes without any of them at all.

Sometimes. Sometimes not.

You're batting a thousand on this paragraph!

"It takes two to tango, but just one to trip." Keep that in mind, as well as the fact that the only thing you can do to make a relationship work is to uphold your end of the bargain. You cannot make or coerce the other person to uphold their end of the bargin. Even attempting to do so usually hastens the relationship's demise.

This may sound crude, but if you've ever fished, particularly large game, you'll understand the analogy.

When a large game fish runs, unless you're Arnold Swarzenegger, Jesse Ventura, The Rock, and a long-haired Samson all rolled into one, you let it run, keep just enough tension on the line so that the fish has to work hard. It soon tires, and you begin reeling it in. You get it close before it's recovered enough to make another run for it, and the process is repeated.

If you lock the reel, the fish will either pull you into the water with him (emotional nightmare), snap your wire (bye-bye fish), or break your back (now you're REALLY hurting).

Another way to look at it is comparing it to a corral. If the horse escapes the corral, just keep the gate open and put out the alfalfa and a couple of sugar cubes. He knows where the good eating is, and will usually come back, at which point you shut the gate.

That works with horses. As the owner/trainer/rider of the horse, you're it's master. It may weigh ten times what you do and could kill you in about 15 seconds if it wanted to. But to the horse, you're it's master.

Not so with relationships! The open gate analogy still works. The only difference is that the gate must always remain open. If she knows it's always open, but chooses to stay anyway, you're a blessed man.

__________________
I am Mugs, of the Alien clan of Usa, Nordamerica, a Terran, of Sol. Human.

Whoever says "perception is reality" is daft. It's merely an abstraction, and often not a very good one.

Whirlpool.
I know how you feel being a single parent, and finding a man is hard and keeping him.
If you go out looking for love , you usually find the guy who you think your in love with, because you were clouded by, what you think is love! It is not so, it is a despiration of having someone there to care for you like you do for your child/children, you feel hurt and used after it has turned sour and go away licking your wounds. But you do bounce back, and I bet you have?
It is when you don't look for him , he will come and like the saying when you wait for one bus two turn up.
Sometimes this special person is around you and you never notice him, either it is because he is a friend or has some bad habbit, in your eyes. Remember we are not perfect ourselves, we all have a fault or a bad habbit some more than others.
Relationships take time, so don't make do with a guy because you don't want to be alone at night!
Plus a relationship is a bit of give and take, not you give and your partner takes or vice versa!
Patience is a virtue.

chrissy

__________________
Great minds discuss ideas,average minds discuss events,small minds discuss people.Admiral Hyman Rickover.USN.

"Make the most of every day like it could be your last, enjoy each others companyas this will make good memories for when we pass". chrissy

I could speak volumes, but let me summarize: There's brotherly love (you'd do almost anything for your best friend), heartfelt love (being "in" love), agape love (caring about, and for, another regardless of what you may or may not receive in return), and sibling/familial love (this is what a kid means when he/she says, "Daddy, I love you.")

Even today, people enter into relationships on any of the first three, and sometimes without any of them at all.[/quote]

I wasn't talking about that kind of relationship. It's about a relationship between couples.

I like your analogy .
Sometimes there are situations that those analogies won't fit.
There's no perfect formula, but the results are always the same, positive and negative , there is happiness and sadness.

I don't. Nobody really does. Forcing yourselves to stay together when you otherwise wouldn't makes no sense, does nobody any good, and means that what you really have isn't even a "relationship" in the sense in which you're using that word anyway; it's just putting on an act of what you think relationships are supposed to look like.

If it has to be "fought" for, then it shouldn't... and then it isn't really even a "relationship" in the sense in which you're using that word anyway; it's just putting on an act of what you think relationships are supposed to look like.

When it ceases to be a positive influence in your life and becomes a negative one.

first you say that situations exist that have no clear cut analogies. Then you say things are black and white, happy or sad.


I think more often there is a mixture of good and bad, and it is up to the person in the relationship to measure them. If the bad outweighs the good then it's time to go - the walk away point.


Often I ask myself, "would I be happier without this person" if the answer is yes then I know what I have to do.

__________________
"I will do my best to understand and explain the universe from big to small without invoking miracles, unrepeatable events, or divine intervention. In place of those things I will use observations, mathematics, and science."


-Cross
My travel blog

Some of my Astrophotography


Those that lack education have a hard time understanding its value. - Cross

Thank you, Whirlpool.

Absolutely. Most of the time, there's usually both, in various proportions.

__________________
I am Mugs, of the Alien clan of Usa, Nordamerica, a Terran, of Sol. Human.

Whoever says "perception is reality" is daft. It's merely an abstraction, and often not a very good one.

I met my husband when he came to pick up my friend for a date.

Yeah, the friendship didn't make it.

__________________
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein

It is easy to say but hard to do.

BUT, you have a point.

Just came from a service and the topic is about ,Attitude.

"Things themselves don't hurt or hinder us. Neither do other people. How we view things and people is a different matter. Strange as it may seem at first, it is our own attitudes and reactions that give us the most trouble. We cannot always choose our external circumstances, but we can choose how we respond to them." - Epitetus

Mendng a broken heart is a long and painful process.

But this gave a new outlook for me to stay and look at the positive things in life.